Direction instead of Correction

So, as my husband and I were walking the other day, there were two children playing in the grass alongside the walking/jogging path.  Their mother was a few feet away.  We were walking at a brisk pace, not race pace, but a pretty good clip.

Just as we got near the children, they stepped on the path directly in front of us.   We both had to dodge pretty quickly so as to not bowl them over, and the mother quickly began to admonish them.

If I had not been paying attention, and thinking about what could happen, and that children are always unpredictable, one of those children could have been bumped into and hurt.  Had I been running, I might not have been able to prevent running into them.   And the thought of them stepping directly in front of a speeding bicycle is terrifying.

And that is when the thought occurred.  Why do so many people choose correction over direction?

It would have been easy for the mother to direct her children before taking them out to play.  Something like this.  There is a running/walking path, and a bike path on the levee.   You can play freely in the grass, but when crossing the paths you need to look both ways just like you would to cross a street.  And then add, if you are careless and cross the paths without looking, we are going to go back home, and you will get a chance to play on the levee another day.

Isn't that better than yelling at your children after they make a mistake?  Do people honestly not understand that kids don't know better unless someone tells them?

The world is a big, scary confusing place for grown-ups, and even more so for children.  So giving good directions, providing parameters and context seems to me to be a good idea.

And grown-ups benefit from directions just like children, but they have to be delivered differently, because most grown-ups don't like being told what to do.

But things like,  I'm going to be concentrating on balancing the checkbook, so if you talk to me I may sound irritable.  Or, I'm going to call my sister, I'll be on the phone for at least an hour, do you need anything before I call her?

And the even more important stuff, like I'm really not human until after my first cup of coffee, or every year on my dad's birthday I get weepy and it's not your fault.

So much conflict and misunderstanding can be avoided by communication.   But first you have to understand yourself well enough to know what to communicate.

No one likes to be corrected.  It always feels like you messed up when someone has to correct you.  Providing directions, and making sure they are understood can prevent people feeling less than.  And anytime you can prevent someone feeling less than you have done a good thing.