Vision

A couple of posts ago, I talked about plans, and being a planner.

Dealing with the Unexpected

Plans are important to get us through the day, and to help cement a sense of achievement.  Plans are the tactical tool we use to create success in our lives.

Vision is what gives us and our lives purpose.  In corporate America, it became very vogue in the late 20th century for organizations to create and communicate both a vision and a mission statement.  While these statements often provided fodder for ridicule in the workplace, a personal vision statement, or declaration of who you are trying to be, can be very helpful and comforting.

Over the last few days, I have had numerous events derail my plans.  I'll be honest, that creates a lot of frustration for me.  The tool I use to cope with the disruption and frustration is my personal vision.

The thing about a personal vision is that it is PERSONAL.  It is all about you.  Your personal vision doesn't include your significant other, or your children or grandchildren, or your pets.  Having a personal vision doesn't make you selfish, it keeps you healthy.

Your personal vision is what allows you to look up from the chaos and disappointment and keep going.  It is the place you see yourself happy.  Your personal vision will grow and change as you grow and change.  You may never actualize many of your personal visions.  That is OK, it is still important to have them.

Your personal vision can be anything that takes you to your best self, that feeds your soul.  I love to write, so this blog is part of my personal vision.  I want a more loving and caring world, so I see myself as a change agent to make the world a better place.

To establish your personal vision, you have to reach deep inside yourself and examine what is important to you, what makes you happy, what feeds your soul.  Once you have finished your self examination, work on visualizing yourself as that person in that happy place feeling your soul full and refreshed.  The more you practice seeing and being in your personal vision, the easier it is to reach for that place and go back to it in the chaos.

None of us are in control of the universe.  Things happen that we don't expect and that we never wanted to have happen.  Plans get disrupted and changed.  The unique gift that is you is a once in a lifetime gift.

Imagine your best self.  Share the best of you with those around you.  Preserve your personal vision, because it will be your lifeline when life's waters get too rough.

On greed, trust and corruption

Thanks Nykee for the idea for this post.

"Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely."  Lord Acton

In our 24/7/365 news world, there seems to be endless stories of corruption, greed and malfeasance.   It can be easy to get discouraged and disillusioned, and to believe that there is no one that we can trust.

I tend to look at this another way.  I believe that greed is the origin of all that is not good in the world.  The desire to better oneself, to have more, is not a bad thing.  But when greed becomes the motivator, bad things usually follow.

Power seems to be a tremendous motivator for greed.  It seems as people or organizations gain power, they simply want more power.  Nothing is ever enough.  In the greedy pursuit of more power, all moral and ethical restraints seem to fall by the wayside.

Individuals or organizations possessed of this tremendous greed for more power cannot be trusted.  They have lost their moral and ethical compass.

So who, and what, can you trust?

What you can trust is you too are vulnerable to greed and corruption.  The best safeguard you have against allowing greed to corrupt you is your own self-awareness.

Many reading this may be shaking their heads now, thinking, "I have no power, this could never be me."

We all have power.  You have power over every individual that cares about you.  Do you recognize and respect this power?  Do you remind yourself that love is not a weapon to be used to get your own way?  Do you remind yourself that your power over those who love you carries a tremendous responsibility to think of the impact your actions will have on them?  Do you hold yourself accountable to the appearance of your actions and decisions, even if your intent is pure?  All change for the good starts at the individual level, be the change for good.

Who can you trust?  The circle of people any individual can trust absolutely will always be small.  Be pragmatic.  Trust very few people absolutely.  Evaluate others, and trust them according to their ability to live up to their commitments.  Allow that all of us are corruptible, and limit your absolute trust to those individuals that you can frankly discuss a breach of trust with to bring that conflict to resolution.

Business, government, and organized religion are not good entities for your trust.  They all wield too much power.   Look to those entities for what they do, not what you expect.  Hold them accountable when they do not meet expectations.  Work to shine a light on corruption.  But don't become disillusioned or hurt by their actions.

"Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely."  Lord Acton

Stay vigilant.  Hold yourself accountable to wield your personal power responsibly and lovingly.  Never blindly follow a powerful entity.   Be a voice for optimism and truth.

When we allow ourselves to become disillusioned and give up, the forces against unprincipled power are diminished.  Don't let corruption win.  Be the change for good.

Dealing with the unexpected

I'm a planner.  I love a plan, and I love to execute plans.  On the last team I led, one of the team maxim's was "Go do is not a good job,"  because rushing into things without a plan can make a mess.

I think that the best results come from a good plan that is reviewed and revised.  That said, I'm not opposed to carefree impulsive times.  It is just if you want a specific result, I think your best chance of success is with a specific plan.

But what about when, in spite of all your planning, you get an unexpected result?  Does this necessarily mean you had a bad plan?

I'm going to refer back to my post on control.  For those new to this blog, here is link.

Control

There are and always will be forces in the universe that affect the outcomes we seek.  The essence of a life well lived is when your actions have good purpose, even if they do not yield the expected results in spite of your careful planning.

It may sound trite, but to be able to honestly self-evaluate after the unexpected happens, and to be able to say, "I thought about it, I made a good plan, I executed a good plan.  I did everything within my power to get the outcome I wanted.  This was just beyond my control." is incredibly comforting.

For many, the most difficult thing to live with is regret.  When you practice self-determination, when you plan and execute your plans, when you seek to have all of your actions bring good to those around you, you may experience disappointment, but you will seldom experience regret.

Life happens.  The unexpected occurs.  Control is an illusion.  The choices we make every day, however, become the life we live.  Live purposefully.  Make every day count.  Love abundantly.  The legacy we leave is not the result of our accomplishments, but rather the result of the good we bring to the lives we touch.  Each and every day.

Plan your legacy.  Live your plan.

Kindness

Glen Campbell wrote and performed a song that I think is an anthem for a better world.   It is titled "Let Me Be a Little Kinder".

What a great goal - to be kinder than necessary.  So often, we get caught up in the inside of our heads; with our endless "to-do" lists, our plans and dreams and our problems and challenges.  For some reason, for most people, it is easier to be judgmental than to be kind.

The thing is, everyone is carrying burdens you can't see.

The person who cut you off in traffic?  They were hurrying to the hospital, hoping to get there before their mother passes away.

The person in the grocery store who spoke sharply to the cashier?  Just found out they have terminal cancer.

The salesperson in the department store who seemed to care more about their phone call than your business?  They were talking to their best friend who was threatening to commit suicide.

It is easy to get annoyed when we think we have been disrespected in some way.  But we can learn to meet all challenges with kindness.

My fortune cookie at 17 years old, "It is better to not perceive an insult than to seek to avenge one".

Maybe the person who cut you off in traffic is just a jerk.  Does thinking about them that way do anything to improve you, your day, or the world?

But if you flip that occasion - "Dear Higher Power - please lighten the load of that distracted driver so that they don't cause an accident" you just put some good karma back in the universe.

If you regularly read my blog, you will notice a recurring theme.  You live in the world you notice and nurture.  By nature, I am a happy person.  I stay that way by feeding my happiness, by feeding goodwill.

There will always be people who are self-absorbed, self-serving, and unkind.  There will always be people who are actually more comfortable with hate than love.  You don't have to be one of those people.

The thing is, you probably can't change the people who chose hate anyway.  So by choosing kindness, by choosing compassion, you increase the level of goodwill and happiness in your world.  Make it a goal to surprise a smile or a laugh out of someone every day.

There are people carrying heavy burdens, your kind word could be the thing that makes their burden bearable today.  What a great gift!

Waking up in a brand new world

Things happen in life that are huge and unexpected.  Some of these things are wonderful, like getting a big promotion, or finding out you are having a baby, or grand-baby.  But a lot of the huge unexpected things are not wonderful, like accidents, or illness, or sudden death.

When a huge unexpected thing happens, there is a moment upon awakening, where it is possible to forget the huge life changer.  And then reality comes crashing in.  The world, as you knew it, is gone, and there is no getting it back.

Every one of us will have the moment, where we wish we could go back to sleep, and get yesterday's world back.  But we can't.  So what can we do?

First, every day you wake up in your same familiar world, give thanks.  Remember to be grateful for all the good in your life.  Look over the petty stuff that we can allow to consume our thoughts.  Love abundantly.

When you wake up in that brand new world, that you wish you could leave, don't isolate yourself.  Reach out to friends and family.  It can be incredibly painful to tell the truth that changed your world over and over again, or it can be cathartic.  If it is painful for you to share that truth, let someone else do it for you.  Let your friends tell your other friends.  If telling your truth is cathartic, tell everyone.

Accept your grief.  Cry as much and as long as you need to.  Allow the people that love you to help you.  Be angry if you need to, and find a safe outlet for your anger.  Surround yourself with the people who love you most, and who will forgive any crazy you act out while working through your grief.

Remember you are stronger than you know.  You will get through this.  You will never be the same.  That is OK, because the essence of who you are will not change.  There will be a depth to you that didn't exist before.  Your empathy and compassion will grow.

Life is a one-way ticket.  It is all about the journey.  As much as possible, surround yourself with people who love you and will support you when you wake up in that brand new world that you never wanted or expected.

I got this.........

Yesterday's post discussed what an error prone species humans are.  Today, I want to talk about another lowest common denominator of our species, overconfidence.

Confidence is a good thing.  It allows us to approach new challenges, to try new things and meet new people.

Overconfidence is a dangerous thing,  It allows us to take unacceptable risks, because we believe we have the capability to manage those risks.

Most people mistakenly believe that if they take a risk, and do not suffer an immediate negative consequence, it is because they "managed" the risk.  Let's use a concrete example.

A person exceeds the speed limit on the highway.  They don't have an accident, and they don't get a ticket.  So now they believe that they can "safely" speed.  Each successive time the individual exceeds the speed limit and does not suffer an immediate negative consequence, their confidence in their ability to speed successfully increases.  As long as there is no need to stop suddenly, this overconfident behavior can continue forever.

The problem with this is, physics are physics.  The distance it takes to stop a moving object is relational to the speed the object is traveling, and the weight of the object.

Here is the equation for total stopping distance:


(from Wikipedia)

If you can do this math in your head, correctly while driving, you confidently know how fast you can drive and still have time to stop.  Otherwise, overconfidence is in play.  Speed limits are established so that you don't have to do the math.   Yes, they are based on probabilities that may or may not be true at every given moment, but they are the best guideline available.

There is a great book titled "Fooled by Randomness" by Nassim Nicholas Taleb.  One of the great concepts that I took from the book is understanding whether you are creating success, or simply enjoying success.   Most of us take credit for our successes, believing that we did something to be successful.  Often, it is simply random.  So if you cannot concretely state what you did to achieve success, it may be accidental.

Success breeds overconfidence.  There are laws of the universe that a human can't mitigate.  Understand your limits.  Be confident, but recognize your limitations.  The consequences of overconfidence can be tremendous harm to you or others.  Try to analyze your successes so that you truly know the difference between creating success or enjoying success.  It could save your life.

On being human

One of the truths about being human is we are an error prone species.  Most of us make up to hundreds of no consequence errors every day.

For example, I go into my bedroom to get my cell phone off the nightstand to put in my purse.  I notice the laundry basket is full, so I pick it up, take it to the laundry room, sort it and start a load of laundry.  When I go back into the kitchen, I see my purse on the counter, and remember I forgot to get my cell phone.  I go back into the bedroom to get my cell phone, and this time I actually remember to pick it up.  When I get to the kitchen, the house phone rings, so I set my cell phone on the counter and answer the house phone.  After I talk to my sister, I grab my purse and head out to the car to go grocery shopping.  I look at my purse as I set it on the passenger seat and realize my cell phone is still on the kitchen counter.  I decide it will be OK to go to the store without my cell phone, so don't go back inside for it.  When I get home from the store, I finally put my phone in my purse.

How many errors did I make in that paragraph?  I forgot what I was doing twice.   I forgot that I forgot once.  These were basically no consequence errors.

But what about errors that have consequence?  One of the rules that I learned to live by as a safety professional is that if the consequence of an error is unacceptable, you need to put a safeguard in the system to prevent the consequence.  I'll use some familiar examples.

Most people have either fuses or circuit breakers in their homes so that if there is an electrical overload that could lead to a fire the fuse blows or the circuit breaker trips.

Most cars need to have the brake engaged to put the car in reverse or drive.

These are engineering controls to prevent high consequence error.

Everything can't have an engineered solution, so we as humans have to think about the consequences of error, and build in our own safeguards.

When I think about high consequence errors, I primarily think of errors that will cause someone to get hurt.  (I include pets as someones.)

My dogs are high energy, and smart, so I put them in their crates when I leave them alone at the house.  They are safer that way.

The dogs are also restrained in car seats when I drive with them, because they are very distracting if not restrained, and could distract me while driving, which could cause a high consequence error.

Every one of us has our own set of high consequence errors that can happen to us.  We need to proactively think about those and create our own safeguards.

We all make mistakes.  It is part of being human.

Next blog post will discuss over-confidence, another human trait, which leads to decisions that can have very negative consequences.

There is no "them"

I'm always amazed by how humans distance themselves from other humans.  It is not me - it's them.  It is not us - it's them.

The problem is them.  A different generation.  A different gender.  A different race.  A different political affiliation.  A different social normal.  A different economic strata.  A different nationality. A different religion.  A different mode of dress.

News flash - we are all sharing one planet.  The divisions we make are all artificial.  I don't have a problem with identifying behavior that is unacceptable.  I try my best to live the golden rule, and if someone in my world consistently practices hurtful or disrespectful behavior, I will distance myself from that person.

But I don't believe that entitles me to assign the "them" label to everyone who shares a demographic attribute with a singular person whose behavior makes me uncomfortable.

Assigning the "them" label is socially, and emotionally, lazy.  If you lump people under a them label, you no longer have to expend the effort to get to know people as individuals.  You can just stay in your comfortable "us" place.

What a tremendous loss!  No person is only a demographic attribute.  We are all complex.  As my grandmother, Sophie, was fond of saying, you can't paint anybody with one brush.

If each of us works hard to stop thinking of entire groups of people as them, and thinking of humanity as us, maybe we can get past the artificial divides that cause so much conflict.

We are one race, the human race.  There will be people on this planet who commit great crimes against people and the planet.  There will be people on this planet who practice incredible acts of kindness, and who change mankind for ever for the good.  You will share a demographic with those who commit great crimes. You will share a demographic with those who do great good.

You are still you.  Sharing a demographic with someone means nothing other than that you share one of many demographics that you inhabit.

There are so many great people on this planet.  Everyone deserves the chance to be known for who and what they are, not put aside because they share a demographic with someone who exhibited a behavior you would rather not see in your world.

Once you open yourself to the possibility that everyone one is one of us, we humans, you expand your capacity to enrich your life with the diversity, complexity, and overall awesomeness of the human race.  Try as hard as you can to stop from thinking of other humans as "them".  It not only diminishes others, it diminishes you too.

Backwash your Filters

Inspiration comes from the strangest places.  I am in the process of having a pool installed.  One of the things that you have to do when you have a pool is occasionally backwash or backflush the filter, when the operating pressure starts to get too high.

Eureka!

A new stress management strategy.  Backwash your filters.

We all have filters (at least I hope we all do).  We filter our words and actions so that they are appropriate for the situations and circumstances we are in.  When we are tired, or over-stressed, sometimes our filters get compromised, and we say or do things that we later regret.  I never gave much thought to how to keep my filters in good operating condition, or how to make sure that my filters didn't get too clogged with debris to be effective anymore.

What kind of debris clogs our filters?  That mean thing you didn't say, the inappropriate comment you didn't make.  The rebuke you wanted to give the person in the grocery store who was rude to the cashier, but instead you were extra nice to the cashier to do cosmic makeup.  It is the listening to the same story from an elder person, making the same remarks to show your interest so that they never feel dismissed or less than.

It is the debris that comes from hearing "mean speak" on the radio or television, or reading it on social media.  It is the debris of hurtful or thoughtless comments that have been made to you, that you chose to let go rather than escalate.

It is the debris of despair that accumulates from reading about natural disasters, and accidents.  It is the debris of lost opportunity, dashed hopes and disappointments.  All these things produce debris that clog our filters and build pressure in our system.

You can tell when your filters are clogged.  You have less patience, you have more anger.  You may find yourself saying and doing things that are hurtful to others.  Your sense of humor gets clogged right along with your filters.

So, what do you do?  How do you backwash your filters?  In a pool, you flow large volumes of water in the opposite direction - to wash away the debris.

How can you induce large volumes of goodwill and happiness into your system to backwash your filters?

For me, exercise helps me backwash.  Laughing.  Spending time with friends - which usually involves both exercise and laughing.  Playing with children.  Creating something - cooking a meal, crocheting, writing.
Reading a good book, seeing a play, volunteering, getting outside myself.

Think about what helps you discharge your emotional debris.  Figure out how fast your filters are getting loaded, so you can schedule a backwash before the operating pressure gets too high.  It is much better to plan the backwash and discharge in a non-hurtful way.  Unfortunately for most of us, if we don't backwash in time, our operating pressure causes a blow-out, and the collateral damage from those blow-outs is very difficult to repair.

Just Tall Children

Something I grew fond of saying in the later years of my career was "There are no real grown-ups, just tall children".  This is by no means meant to be a derogatory statement.  Let me explain.

For most of us, the child inside never goes away.  This child in us allows us to stare in wonderment at a rainbow, dance in the rain, color, play.  The child in us is insatiably curious, non-judgmental, easily entertained, and prone to giggles.

For many of us, we spend a ridiculous amount of time suppressing the child, and the world around us encourages us to leave the child behind.

The best part of me is the child within.

The child has unquestioning faith, unbridled optimism, and unfailing good humor.

The child falls down, and gets right back up.  The tears of the child can be "kissed and made better".  The child learns organically - not from being lectured - but from treating the world like a magical place just waiting to be discovered.

So when I say, "There are no real grown-ups, just tall children", I am encouraging those around me to see the child within all of us.

See the fragile delicate being who is in the process of becoming.  Because we are all still in the process of becoming.  See the hesitancy when approaching new things, and the excitement when the new is mastered.

See the vulnerability, see the wanting to belong.  See the child that may not have the skills yet to gracefully handle disappointment or failure.

See the openness to new people and new relationships.   See past the blinders and bias that we learn as we walk thought life, and see the child who had not yet learned to hate and fear.

When we acknowledge that all of us are a work in progress, we give each other permission to make mistakes, and grow from them.  When we remember that we are all still children, we have more patience with those who are struggling.  When we take the time to be fascinated by a blade of grass, or a flower, we see the real wonder of the universe right in front of us.

When you accept your inner child, and actively look for the child in others, you can exponentially increase the joy in your world.

Laugh too loud, love too much, give big hugs and wet sloppy kisses.  Hold hands crossing the street.  Skip.  Blow bubbles.  Play tag.  Have a pillow fight.  Just because you have responsibilities and commitments, you don't have to put your inner child away.

Growth

When I started this blog, I had planned to stick to topics of leadership in the workplace.  Well, like all thoughts, this one has grown and changed.   I've kind of branched out from pure leadership in the workplace to Anne Marie's philosophies on life.  Yesterday, as I was walking, I thought about changing the blog description and/or title, and then I decided not to.  My logic is that being a good leader, and leading happy people is about continuing to grow yourself.  So my philosophical meanderings will reflect my growth, and I hope they inspire others to grow as well.

I read something yesterday that is continuing to bother me.  It was a story recounting a person showing up to work dressed inappropriately, and the person's boss demanding they leave and come back dressed differently, or just leave.  The person responded in a very hostile manner.  The story was told to support the idea that some people think they are "entitled" to do whatever they want to, and that parents are responsible for this.

Hmmmm..........

Here's why it bothers me.

1. If you have a dress code, it should be communicated when you hire people, not when they don't conform to it.
2. If you make your expectations clear at hiring, people can choose whether or not the job you are offering suits them, including the dress code
3. It is never a good practice to address a failure to meet expectations with an ultimatum

This reminded me of another semi-viral happening, where someone lost a job prior to their first day due to an inappropriate tweet, and that led to a twitter firing.

Yikes!

It seems like we are forgetting how to get along in the world.  A couple of rules for work and life that never go out of style

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

No one I know likes to be publicly ridiculed.  That includes social media.  Treat everyone as if they are having the worst day of their life and need your kindness.  Sometimes your kindness may be the only kindness someone receives that day.

It is better not to perceive an insult than to seek to avenge it.

Try to believe that the other person was not acting maliciously, believe they just made a mistake, or misspoke.  Offer your letting it go to the universe to increase the good karma.

Before I speak, let me ask three things.  Is it true?  Is it kind?  Is it necessary?

It is easy to let words fly from our mouths that cause harm.  Try to be thoughtful about your words.  They have power.  You can't unsay them.  When put into print, they gain even more power.  Try very hard to do no harm.

You can never love too much, or be too kind.

Love doesn't equal permission, and kindness doesn't equal no boundaries.  It is loving to take stand to stop someone from hurting themselves or others, it is kind to inform someone that their behavior is creating problems for them.  Love and kindness are the way you deliver uncomfortable messages, not that you allow inappropriate words or actions.

Make your expectations and boundaries clear before you have to.  

With your friends, with your family, and with your co-workers.  Transient interlopers in your life like the person in line at the grocery store?  Let it go - ask whatever higher power you believe in to help them learn how to get along better in the world.

Forgive abundantly and often.  

Failure to forgive is a cancer that will eat you up.  It may be that you need to remove people from your life, but forgive them as they go.

Know where you fit.

Life is easier when you take a good long look at yourself, and figure out what makes you happy and what makes you sad, or makes you angry, or makes you uncomfortable.  If you spend your time with people that "fit", life is easier.  You will always have to spend time in places you don't "fit", so when you can make the choice, choose to be with people who feed your personal energy, not those who deplete it.

Inspiration

I happen to live in what I believe is one of the coolest places on earth, just outside New Orleans, Louisiana.  This city has so much.  The culture is unique, the music is amazing, the food wonderful, the weather just right for me, and the majority of the people are great.

We had a local businessman add another ingredient to the mix this weekend.  It was the second weekend of the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage festival, and this businessman paid a skywriter to paint the sky with inspirational messages and drawings.

Words like "Love" "Peace" "Transform" "4give" and this one "Is Time Elbert!" which I have no clue what it means painted in the sky.  There were also hearts and peace signs and smiley faces.  The benefactor felt like we all needed to be reminded that there are good things in the world, so he paid for this skywriting to last from April 29 until May 4.

I was lucky to see many of his creations, but usually didn't have a camera handy, so didn't get a lot of pictures.  Here's where the inspiration part hit me.

I spend most of my life busy.  When I'm outside, I'm usually working on something, or exercising.  When you are busy putting one foot in front of the other trying to achieve a goal, you lose the opportunity to look up and see the inspiration the world has to offer.

I'm not advocating doing nothing but looking at the sky all day, but sometimes, it is the right thing to do to stop, look up and appreciate the world.  Focus on blue skies, and clouds, and trees, and flowers and birds.  It is an amazing and beautiful world.  Don't get so busy making a life that you forget to take the time to live.  Look up.  Find inspiration.  Share love and positive messages.

We all end up living in the world we notice.  If we focus on the negative, that is the world we live in.  If we focus on the good and the positive, that is the world we live in.  Every life is filled with challenges.  Sometimes there is so much hard stuff to get through the temptation is to put your head down and keep plowing through.  Try to look up.  You may see something that gives you the strength and hope to keep on going.