Evolution or Devolution?

I have shared before that I believe I live in one of the best places on earth, right outside the city of New Orleans, Louisiana.  Another treasure that we house here in New Orleans is the National World War II museum.

I was fortunate to spend last Friday, July 17 at the museum.  I love going to the National World War II museum, but it is not "fun".  It is sobering, enlightening, educational and thought-provoking.  I always leave with a deep and profound respect for those who lived during the Second World War, because everyone was touched in some way by this war.

My husband and I attended "Beyond all Boundaries", a 4-D film experience.  Prior to entering the theater, there is an introduction from Tom Hanks.  Part of the introduction shows silhouettes of countries, with the name of the country and the number of dead from that country.  The civilian and concentration camp deaths are included in the numbers.  The total?  A staggering 65,000,000.  Sixty-five million.

Tom Brokaw called the men and women who fought World War II "The Greatest Generation".  The museum makes use of oral histories and personal artifacts to tell the story of the war.  Reading the stories, and hearing the stories makes me believe these men and women truly were the greatest generation of Americans.

In the newest exhibit, "The Road to Berlin" each patron receives a "dog tag"  with the story of a particular soldier or sailor who served in World War II.  My soldier was black, the son of missionaries, who was living in China with his family when the Japanese attacked China.  He served in the military in China, and then fought with the Spanish in Europe before coming back to the US and joining the army.  At that time, he was not allowed to serve as combat troops in the US because of his race, even though he had been a combat soldier and combat leader in other armies.  He was relegated to food service and logistics. This did not deter him, however, and he continued to try to fight for our country.  He finally got his opportunity in the Battle of the Bulge, and ended up a decorated war hero.

In spite of prejudice, in spite of being treated as "less than" he continued to fight to do the right thing.  As I sit here this morning hearing of yet another mass shooting of innocent people just trying to live their normal lives in America, I wonder what happened.

How did the greatest generation give way to a generation of hate-filled violent extremists who think the answer to everything is violence?

Make no mistake, the violence in America is not an international epidemic.



This infographic from humanosphere.org shows just how singular a US problem this is.  I have joined two organizations, Sandy Hook Promise, and Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America.  Neither of these groups wants to take guns from law-abiding citizens that use them for protection or hunting.  Both groups want a sane debate about violence in our society and how to curb it.

A generation ago, 65,000,000 died to preserve a world where freedom and justice existed and were supported.  In the United States, we are disrespecting their sacrifice by allowing so much unbridled violence to go on with talk and no action.

Wherever you are, do something.  This problem has many causes, and they all need to be discussed and addressed.  Anyone on the sidelines not trying to find solutions is allowing the problem to grow.  The next mass shooting could rob you of beloved family members.  If the violence continues to grow unbridled, we will all have the opportunity to know and love a victim of random, senseless violence.

We need to honor the sacrifices of the greatest generation by being a county of fair, free and sane Americans, who value human life, and who step up and do the right thing to restore the America they fought for.

Privilege

There has been a lot of conversation lately about privilege, and many people seem to get offended when told they have privilege.  I looked at dictionary.com, and privilege has multiple definitions.  The first listed may be the definition that gets everyone so stirred up.  Here it is:

a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a 
person beyond the advantages of most

That definition would typically provoke the response, "I don't have rights, immunities or benefits beyond the advantages of the most".  Maybe if a different word was used, it would be easier to get people to listen to the conversation, instead of argue about it.  Why is the conversation on privilege important?

The conversation is important because too many people seem to have the attitude that because they have had a successful life, anyone who wants to have a successful life can have one, and that is simply not true.

For this post, I'm not going to use the word privilege.  I'm going to say I was fortunate to.  Here is the list of the fortunes of birth I enjoy.  I'm going to start with the easy stuff and hit the harder stuff as I go.

I was fortunate to be born in the United States.
I was fortunate to be born to an intact family (both parents in the home).
I was fortunate to be born with a large extended family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and family friends who lived in geographic proximity to me.
I was fortunate to never suffer from food insecurity as a child.
I was fortunate to always have clothes and shoes as a child.
I was fortunate to have medical and dental care as a child.
I was fortunate to have my mother home with me until the third grade, when she began working outside the home as well as in the home.
I was fortunate that neither of my parents had to work multiple jobs, or go to school at night to get the means to support our family.
I was fortunate to be raised in a faith tradition, so that I enjoyed the support and encouragement of my church family as well as my extended family.
I was fortunate that my faith tradition is shared by millions, so that I never suffered discrimination for my faith tradition.
I was fortunate to be born without any physical, mental, emotional or social challenges to learning easily in a traditional classroom, and participating fully in physical education classes.
I was fortunate to be born into a family that believed in volunteering to help a cause.
I was fortunate to be born into a family that believed in education.
I was fortunate to be born into a family that believed that a college education was a good thing, and realizable for me.
I was fortunate to be born into a family that believed I could be whatever I worked to be.
I was fortunate to be born into a family that discussed the news and current affairs at the dinner table, and in the living room.
I was fortunate to be born into a family that supported my interests, and provided transportation to activities I wanted to participate in.
I was fortunate to be born white.
I was fortunate to be born with a gender that corresponds to how I perceive myself.
I was fortunate to be born heterosexual.

I didn't do anything to deserve this good fortune, and all of the things on this list made it easier for me to be successful.

There is nothing wrong with not having the things on this list.  There are others more fortunate than I, who have a longer list.  There are other less fortunate then I, that have a shorter or different list.  The problem starts when people think they have done something special simply because they are enjoying the life the fortunes of their birth created for them.

I accept that I am extraordinarily privileged.  I have amazing compassion for those that struggle because of the fortunes of their birth, and amazing respect for those that have accomplished great things in spite of the fortunes of their birth.

There is no level playing field.  When we accept that there will always be those less fortunate, and more fortunate than ourselves,  and commit to helping the less fortunate close the gaps that hold them back from success, the better off we all are.

There is no need to feel guilty because you are privileged.  There is every reason to feel grateful.

Put your gratitude into action by working on behalf of removing discrimination and prejudice from your world.  Don't support it - speak loudly against it.

We will never have a world empty of privilege, but when we acknowledge that some have an easier path than others, helping each other on the tough parts of the path just becomes our normal.

It is a normal the world needs.

Time

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about time.   There are a number of reasons for this, the most prevalent being that I retired in December 2014, after more than 35 years of continuous full-time employment.

It was a little scary to think about not going to work everyday.  What would I do?  Would I be bored?  Would I be lonely? How would I fill my time?

So, I made plans.  I set short, medium, and long range goals.  Guess what?

I'm busy.  I'm never bored.  And I'm not lonely.  And I still find ways to create time pressure for myself.

My short terms goals were to crate train my dogs (done); to regularly brush my dog's teeth (done - almost used up two tubes of doggy toothpaste so far and had to get them new toothbrushes); car seat train my dogs (they ride in them, not exactly quietly).  Really happy with the short term goal progress.

Medium term goal - start this blog.  I feel guilty if a few days go by and I don't post.  Artificial time pressure.  But I'm really loving this blog.  I hope it is as good for the people reading as it is for me to write it.

Long term goal - put my novel out of my head and into the real world.  I'm about 125 pages into a google doc - trying to figure out what I am going to do when I finish, self-publish or shop for a publisher.  I'll keep you posted on that.

Along the way, I kept a promise I made to myself when I was working to return to my hobby of crochet when I retired.  I am almost finished with my first project, a sweater for my daughter, and have already started my second project,  a mermaid lap afghan.  I have a hoodie for me queued up for the project after that.

I keep my house cleaner than I used to, and do laundry on weekdays, leaving weekends free for fun.

I cook more, and remember how much I love to do that.

I also walk at least four miles every day, sometimes more.

The point?  For what feels like the first time in my life, I prioritize my time by myself, for myself.  I stay busy, but work on what I feel like working on.  There are no deadlines, other than the ones I create for myself.

In my working career, I often had to put my creative self on the back burner so that my practical self could take care of business.  Now that I have let my creative self out again, I don't think she will ever be content to sit on the back burner.

The best thing about all this time I can self-determine?  I'm really happy.

No one ever knows how many days we will get in a lifetime.  I was never unhappy at work. I had a job I loved, with people I genuinely cared about, and even some I loved.  It has been an amazing life so far.

This latest chapter is the best so far. So to all reading this, if you are afraid of the next stage of your life, or the next change you can predict, my first and only piece of advice is to start planning.

Picture yourself after the change.  Set short, medium and long range goals.  Apply time pressure to yourself to keep enough healthy tension in your days.

Don't be afraid to live your dreams.   The biggest thing I have learned so far in life is that you have to be your own cheering section.  Do what you love, and congratulate yourself for having the courage and the fortitude to put yourself out there.  Each of us has an amazing contribution to make.  I'm excited to see yours.

Lessons from Winnie-the-Pooh

A Facebook post this morning got me to thinking about Winnie-the-Pooh, and so I pulled my copy of "The Complete Tales & Poems of Winnie-the-Pooh" by A.A. Milne off the shelf, and started to read.

I'm not sure I ever indulged myself to read Winnie-the-Pooh as an adult for myself, by myself.  I had these stories read to me as a child, have read them to countless children, and have seen the Disney adaptations.  But there is something very special about reading these stories in the privacy of your head, listening with your heart.

Today I learned the following lessons while reading Winnie-the-Pooh.

1. It is important to think about your friends, and if you haven't talked to them or seen them in a while, find a way to get in touch.
2. We all make mistakes, dwelling on them doesn't unmake them.  Try to have a better day today than yesterday.
3. Everyone deserves to have a song or poem written about them.  Even if it is silly.
4. Agreeing with your friends doesn't make you wishy-washy.  It means you picked the right friends.
5. Children (Roo) are often noisy, inappropriate and disruptive.  Celebrate that.  They will be adults soon enough.
6. We all overestimate our capabilities.  And so we all fail sometimes.  Be a good friend and focus on the success that preceded the failure, or on the courage to try.
7. Sharing a meal is more than physical sustenance.  It also feeds our relationships, and our souls.
8. Everything is better when you have a friend by your side.
9. Irrepressible beings (Tigger) can't be repressed.  Just enjoy them.
10. Even a Bear of Very Little Brain (Pooh) has great ideas sometimes.   Don't ever discount anyone's ideas.

I know I have only just scratched the surface of the wisdom of Winnie-the-Pooh.  I know reading the stories this morning made me feel hopeful, and grateful.   Anything that evokes those feelings is worth spending time on.   I think I'll read some more tomorrow.  Feel free to share your favorite quotes or lessons you learned from Winnie-the-Pooh in the comments.

The Barefoot Catholic

I've been struggling with whether or not I wanted to compose this post, but since it is consuming my thoughts, I guess it has to come out.

I think in my introductory post on this blog, I shared that I am Roman Catholic.  If not, then now you know.  I went to Catholic school for 10 years, my aunt was a Missionary nun.  Really Catholic.

I love the rituals of the Catholic church, I love that I know when to sit, stand and kneel.  I love the scripture.  I love the music.  I don't love the politicization of my church.

I still regularly attend mass, because I find worshiping God in community with others to be a very spiritually uplifting experience.  I find many of the prayers of the mass beautiful and comforting.

In the last year, I started attending mass at a different parish, because the church I was attending had gotten too far away from the gospel, and too deep into politics.

I was really happy at first with my new church home.  But, for the last two weeks, the sermons have been dangerously close to political.

I've been thinking and thinking about why I am so upset about this, and I finally think I get the root of my distress.

Sometimes it feels like Jesus message is too hard to deliver, so the message becomes about a political position rather than the teachings of Jesus.

I'm a real fan of Pope Francis, and I think he is on target with his emphasis on serving the poor and forgotten.  When I read the gospels, that seems to be what Jesus was all about.

When I listen to a sermon that demonizes tolerance and chooses to focus on a singular political issue, that speaker is abdicating responsibility to challenge his affluent suburban population to give up some of their excess to make life easier for the less fortunate.

I know that I am guilty of having more than I need, just like many Americans.  I try to be generous, but I'm skeptical of many charitable organizations actually giving my money to the needy, so I try to be judicious in my giving.

I'm VERY comfortable with my tax dollars helping the less fortunate.  That is like a great big bonus for me, in that I can help the poor without having to do anything extra.

I hear many self-designated Christians speak very disparagingly about the poor.  I see and hear poor-shaming every day.  The Jesus I read in the gospel wouldn't do that.

I wish I could find a Catholic Church that was satisfied to preach on the gospel - to challenge me to "Love one another as I have loved you" and to "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and to remind me "The measure you use is the measure you will be given".

Until then, I'll keep going to the church in the neighborhood, and pray for the American church to listen to Pope Francis.

That is the essence of "The Barefoot Catholic".  Because until we clothe and feed the least among us, we are all spiritually barefoot.

Run that past your logic filter

I am continually amazed at the statements made and the people who believe them.   PT Barnum said that there is a sucker born every minute, and while I object to the inherent meanness in that remark, there is a potent truth there.

The internet and social media have created an information deluge that can be difficult for anyone to sort through.  But every day, I see people post things on Facebook as if they are true that simply defy logic.

I use snopes frequently when a story has enough of a ring of truth to bear follow up.  But many of the stories don't even come close enough to sounding real to get checked.

There are many satirical web sites that offer fake news, for entertainment purposes.  I can't believe how often I see these satirical stories posted as if they are genuine news stories, and see people who have always appeared to be reasonably intelligent commenting on them as if they are real news.

Please, do yourself a favor.  Don't believe everything you read.  Run everything past your logic filter.

What exactly is a logic filter?  It is a device that anyone can train their brain to use.  I'll use a simple example.  Headline reads "New weight loss drug helps suburban housewife lose 100 lbs in two months with no change in diet or exercise."  Seriously? So far, the only proven weight loss method is to take in less calories than you burn.   100 lbs is 350,000 calories.  That equals a 5800 calorie a day deficit.   So, if we use a 250 pound 5'5 inch woman, she can burn 2535 calories an hour running 12 mph.  Do you have any idea how fast that is?  12 x 5 is 60.  That is 5 minute miles.  Let's say she can jog.  795 an hour.  Crap.  How many hours of jogging is that? About 7.5 hours.  So a pill can replace 7.5 hours of jogging?  Not logical.

(BTW - I have previously shared that I competitively racewalk.  I get about 700 calories an hour for a competitive effort, about 300 an hour in training.  So, when it comes to calories burned in exercise, individual results may vary.)

(This conversation totally ignores large doses of illegal amphetamines or cocaine.  Those can produce amazing results up to and including death.)

Applying your logic filter will make you less likely to fall for a con artist.  It will make you more thoughtful before making a decision. Applying your logic filter will help prevent embarrassing moments.  It will prevent countless disappointments.

Like any other self-discipline, applying your logic filter is a skill that improves with use.  Practice.  Life is really a lot easier when you don't waste time, energy and emotion on things that will never be true.

Admittedly, I used a very simple example, and many of the illogical statements you hear will be less easy to disprove.  Use math, use science, use history.  Don't be an easy mark for the con artists.  The more of us that run things past our logic filter and don't proliferate the bad information, the less bad information will be available to deceive the next person.

Help clean up the internet.  Before you hit share, run the story past a logic filter.

The economics of kindness

A random statement this morning got me to thinking about supply and demand.  When I studied economics in college (more than 30 years ago) supply and demand thinking was the prevalent economic model.  Supply side economics was just beginning to be explored as an economic model.

I found myself thinking about demand fluctuations, and supply chain interruptions, and how they can affect the greater market.

Then I thought about things for which there is always more demand than supply, like tickets to a really big event.

Then being me, I thought about the intangible things for which there is always more demand than supply, and kindness was the first thing that came to mind.

It doesn't cost anything to be kind.  It doesn't take more time to be kind than to be unkind.  So, why does the need for kindness (demand) always seem to deplete the supply?

I have a few theories, and I'd like feedback from those reading on your opinions on this.

Theory One:  We have been conditioned to be indifferent at best, and unkind at worst by the dialogue we hear when listening to the world around us.  For example, in the grocery store, someone has put their cart on one side of the aisle, and is standing on the other side searching the shelves.  You overhear the comment, "So selfish, she thinks the whole world is here for her and you can just wait while she blocks the aisle."

Theory Two:  It is easier to withhold kindness.  For example, in the grocery store, you see someone in line with a full grocery cart, and behind them is a mother with an obviously sick child.  The mother has pedialyte, diapers, baby wipes, and other items that all look related to caring for a sick child.  There is no express checkout open.  The person looks at the mother and child, and just keeps their place in line, because it is easier to do nothing.

Theory Three:  We are so engaged with our devices and in our own heads that we never notice kindness is an option. For example, in the grocery store, you are talking on your phone with someone, because grocery shopping doesn't really take your full attention, and this is a great opportunity to multitask.  You don't even notice the old woman who can't reach the item she needs on the shelf, because you are more observant of your conversation than your surroundings.

What if we approached every day and every situation looking to supply kindness?

In the first example, you might instead hear the comment, "Excuse me, I hate to interrupt you, but would it be OK if I moved your cart to get past?" Kindness supplied.

In the second example, you might see the people in the checkout line one by one letting the mother with the sick child go ahead of them to get her child home. Kindness supplied.

In the third example, you would notice the woman struggling, and reach up to get her the item she needs.  Kindness supplied.

I think the supply of kindness could be increased exponentially just by being more mindful that kindness is always an available choice.  Even when correction is necessary, it can be done with kindness.

The demand (need) for kindness in this world will always outstrip the supply as long as we as individuals don't supply kindness in more of our interactions, and in our passive responses.

It doesn't take time or money to be kind, so there should be an endless supply.

The introspective extrovert

I love people.  I really do.  I love having a conversation with a stranger.  I make friends in the grocery store.  Being with people charges my batteries and makes me happy.

I am also highly introspective.  I spend an enormous amount of time inside my head.  I think and rethink just about everything.

This means that if I don't spend enough time with people, getting out of the inside of my head, I start to lose my ability to show the people on the outside that I really do love people.

I start to overthink every conversation starter, and then panic if the conversation opening is not met with acceptance.

This gives me a lot of empathy for my introverted friends.

But it also makes me think more about why I have this tendency to overthink and over analyze, and why the voice in my head doing the analysis is so darn mean.  And it also makes me wonder how many people I interact with just need my conversation to keep going, to let them know that I think they are OK, even if they have nothing to say.

I think that for those of us that are born analytical, the need to analyze everything is impossible to overcome.   What is necessary to overcome is the mean voice in our head.  Analyzing everything should not mean that every analysis ends with me being less than I should be.  Some analysis will statistically end with me being more than I should be.  (That analytical thing can work for you).

If I think of all my interactions as points in statistical analysis, given the sample set will be huge, I can expect a Gaussian distribution of my results.  So, 99.7% of my interactions with people fall within 3 standard deviations of my mean.  What is my mean?  Well in statistics, mean is the arithmetic average of the set of values in my distribution.

So, if I assign a value to my social interactions, with 1 being totally in my head and not social, and 5 being so social I make the recipient of my attention uncomfortable, I'll be looking for a mean of 3, with a standard deviation of .5.  (I just made up the standard deviation - but it feels right).  So, this means that I have now proved with data that 99.7% of the time, my social interactions are between mildly social, and friendly but not scary.  Take that you mean voice in my head! I have data to shut you up with!

I am a firm believer that you can't change who you are - but you can find a way to make the mean voice in your head be quiet and let you be the wonderful self that you are.

My weapon of choice to quiet the mean voice is data - find your weapon.  Quiet the mean voice.  The world needs you and your wonderfulness.

Freedom

Today, July 4th, is the United States of America's Independence Day Holiday.  Much of the conversation today will be about freedom.  Freedom is a wonderful thing.  Freedom from tyranny, freedom from oppression, freedom to worship who or whatever you choose, or not worship at all,  freedom to love who you choose, freedom to choose how to make your living, the list goes on and on.

There are many sides to freedom however, and today, I'd like to talk about the decisions we make that limit our freedom, and why we should do so carefully.

In his iconic song, "Me and Bobby McGee", Kris Kristofferson wrote "Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose, And nothin' ain't worth nothin' but it's free".

I've thought a lot about that lyric over the course of my life.  I'm glad my freedom is limited by the choices and commitments I've made.  The freedom I have traded is worth something.

What exactly am I talking about?

Well. I chose to be a mother.  That limited my freedom tremendously.  Never again would life be all about me.  Always, my child would be first.  That little bit of freedom traded for all that joy and wonder.  Motherhood has been the most exciting, rewarding, and fulfilling choice I have ever made.

I chose to get married, and have a committed and monogamous relationship with my husband.   No more me thinking.  Now us thinking.  Collaborating on decisions about where to live and what to eat and how to spend money and where to go on vacation.  What a great trade-off.  Less freedom, more joy and companionship.

I chose to work as a Safety Professional in a highly demanding industry.  So many limitations on freedom.  Long workdays, last-minute necessary travel, delayed and cancelled vacations.   What did that loss of freedom cost me?  I had the opportunity to make the workplace safer for upwards of 50,000 employees.  And I earned a great income, with great benefits, which in turn bought me a great life.

I chose to share my life with pets, specifically dogs.  No picking up at the last minute for a spur of the moment trip, the dogs need to be cared for.  No sleeping until I want to get up, sleeping until the dogs need to go out, or need water, or food, or love.  The exchange?  Unconditional love.  Boundless affection.  Joy beyond words.

Every choice we make, every time we exercise our freedom, that exercise comes with a responsibility.  The greatest gift that freedom gives is the opportunity to choose where we exchange a bit of our freedom for a responsibility.  If we choose wisely, we enrich our lives in a measure far beyond the small bit of freedom we exchange.

So, today, I'm celebrating the freedom exercised in exchange for the incredibly rich and love-filled life I enjoy.  I hope and pray that all reading this can do the same.

Making the bed around the dog

Yesterday, as I was attempting to make the bed, my younger, smaller dog, Scarlett, jumped on the bed and decided we were playing the best game ever.

A part of me wanted to shoo her off the bed so that I could make it up nicely and neatly.  I almost did.  Then I looked at her dancing eyes and her wagging tail and joined the game.

The bed still got made.  It wasn't worthy of a photo spread in Better Homes and Gardens or Southern Living, but then again, it never is.

So many times in my life, I have chosen to quash a living thing's enthusiasm for life because it got in the way of a goal I was trying to achieve.  I wish I could get all of those moments back.

I realize more and more as I get older that no one, not even me, remembers how many small goals like making the bed neatly I have achieved.   But I do remember the times I wiped a smile from a face, I made a wagging tail droop, simply because I forgot about feelings in my pursuit of personal accomplishment.

If you read my blog regularly you know I am big on goal setting, on plans, on vision and on accomplishment.   All of that is still true.  What I forget to stop and think about and actively practice sometimes is that nothing is more important than relationships, and lifting up the people and animals you share your life with.

Discipline is necessary, but so is fun.   As I played with Scarlett yesterday while attempting to also make the bed, I recalled all the times someone wanted to play, and I denied them that play time because of some perceived "job" that had to be done.

I'm ashamed to admit I often attributed a motivation to the person wanting to play that most likely wasn't there.  I'm embarrassed that in my life I have said things like, "Do you want me to be late for work?", "Are you trying to make me angry?", "Do you want me to be doing laundry after everyone else is in bed asleep?", and other such ridiculous statements to shut down play and stick to my oh so important schedule.

Looking back, all that was being asked of me is that I prioritize time with a living being having fun ahead of an arbitrary schedule.  Life can't be all fun and games.  But being slave to a schedule and sacrificing feelings to it isn't a good answer either.

If I had a do-over, I would respond with "5 minutes for a pillow fight, then we have to get ready for work and school", or "Let's make silly faces in the mirror and then get back to cleaning the house", or "If you will help me fold the clothes we can play hide and seek for a half hour", or something compromising and embracing.

Life doesn't give do-overs.  So I am going to try harder to not stamp on feelings, to make time for fun.  I am going to try harder to stop, breathe, and think about what decisions I will regret, and which ones I will celebrate.

Life is too short to deny the people and animals that love you your time.  That is truly the only thing of value you have to give them.  Give your time generously.  If you are like most people, there will always be unfinished tasks on your "to-do" list.  The completion of those tasks won't fill your memory bucket with happy occasions to mull over on the tough days.   The time you spend enriching your love and relationships will fill that memory bucket to overflowing.

Play - laugh - enjoy.  The greatest legacy most of us leave is the happy memories we have created.   Work on your legacy.  I promise - you won't be adding to your pile of regrets that way.