My mom always told me if I had nothing good to say, to say nothing. Apparently, a lot of moms didn't teach their children that.
I use the internet and social media almost every day. I appreciate the ability to stay in touch with family and friends that live far away. I appreciate the ability to research just about any topic I want to. I appreciate that not all internet sources are reliable and that I have to exercise due diligence before I believe what I see and read.
What I don't appreciate is how mean so many people seem to feel comfortable being when they post on the internet and social media.
I read posts from people I always thought were nice people that are astounding in the level of meanness they contain.
I'm not talking about snarky, satirical or offensively funny content either. Political satire and cartoons are usually a little mean, and can be disregarded because the genre is well known for being edgy. Those platforms were recognized long before an internet and social media existed.
I'm talking about the meanness of posting embarrassing pictures of someone, with the intent of embarrassing them. I'm talking about ridiculing people's beliefs because they don't align with yours. I'm talking about calling entire groups of people stupid, or lazy, or immoral, or evil because they don't share one or more of your belief systems.
Every human is guilty of meanness at some point in time. It can be unconscious meanness, or thoughtless meanness, it is not always intentional. The thing is, when someone is mean without bad intent, and it is a momentary act that they can be immediately called on to correct, the overall boundary of acceptable meanness in society isn't changed.
With the proliferation of meanness on social media and the internet, the boundary of acceptable meanness seems to keep being pushed further and further out.
Will Rogers, the great American humorist, said that we are all ignorant, just on different subjects. It is OK to be ignorant, as that is fixable by acquiring information to close the gap. What is not OK is to be intolerant and mean to others because of their ignorance.
What ever happened to seeking to understand? It seems social media has become a platform to present a view on a subject, and then criticize and/or demean everyone who doesn't agree with you.
We will never all agree or get along, but we don't have to sacrifice civility because of that. It is OK to agree to disagree. When a feedback loop is available (like a conversation with words and people in the same room) contentious subjects can be safely discussed. Social media is not a good platform for debate. Too much nuance is lost, and too much hostility generated.
With a Presidential Election coming up in the United States in 2016, I'm afraid the cacophony of meanness will gain additional volume.
I'm not advocating silence. If you feel strongly in support of a person or issue, by all means say so. It is not necessary to say mean things about those you do not support. If you want to relay factual information about someone or something, relay just the facts. Trust that others are capable of processing those facts and making their own decisions. Stating your beliefs and convictions is fine. Calling people who don't agree with you ugly or hateful names is not fine.
Try to do your part and not add to the noise. If you mother didn't tell you, I will. If you don't have anything good to say, say nothing.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Validation
At some point in my life, I realized an important truth. The worst thing that ever happened to you is the worst thing that ever happened to you.
The reasons this is an important truth are many. First, the more adversity you face in life, the more opportunity you have to build resilience and perspective. When you have survived the death of a loved one, a flat tire on your way to a job interview is just an inconvenience.
The second reason this is an important truth has to do with compassion and validation. All emotion is legitimate. No one's feelings should ever be trivialized. It is not helpful to say things like, "Oh, come on, it is not as bad as you are making it out to be", or "For heaven's sake, grow up and get over yourself".
When something bad happens to someone, emotion follows. The depth and reach of that emotion is not yours to judge. It is appropriate to intervene when someone is trying to work through strong emotion in a way that is damaging to themselves or others, but the right way to do that does not include ridiculing or diminishing the person's right to feel.
If you have someone in your life who is sad, be supportive. There is no need to get out a measuring stick on why their sadness doesn't measure up to someone else's. I remember years ago I had a pet die. I was very sad. Someone I worked with was very vocal about how ridiculous it was to be that upset over an animal dying. All their scorn did was hurt me more. No point at all to that. Later in life, another pet died. A dear friend told me "You have my permission to be sad as long as you need to". That was a great gift. My sadness was validated. I was still sad. I still cried for my Burt dog. But no hurt was layered on.
If you have someone in your life who is angry, be supportive. Statements like, "I can tell you are really upset", and "You can vent in my direction all you need to" are helpful. Even if you think the anger the person is expressing is out of proportion with the event, pointing that out will only make the person feel isolated and angry.
It is not always possible to feel empathy for another's emotions, but you can work on always feeling and expressing compassion.
Often the emotion that manifests is not directly proportionate to the event. We all have emotional storerooms in ourselves that contain old happiness, old hurts, old sadness, old anger, old despair. Many of us actively work on cleaning out those storerooms, but for most of us, they are always there. We can't predict what events or happenings will open the doors of those storerooms so that old emotion spills over onto current events. Since this is a truth of our shared humanity, let's work on recognizing this is a truth for all of us.
The worst thing that ever happened to you is the worst thing that ever happened to you. When you find yourself tempted to minimize or trivialize the emotional response you are observing in someone else, take the time to remember an early disappointment. Maybe you didn't get invited to a birthday party in first grade, or didn't get picked until last for a team at school or the playground. Force yourself to remember how much that hurt. The reason it looks smaller now is that there have been larger disappointments and hurts that have created perspective.
When you practice appreciating everyone's emotions as valid, you start becoming a more compassionate person. Compassion breeds caring. Caring feeds relationships. Relationships build communities. Communities that are compassionate and caring make the world a better place.
The worst thing that ever happened to you is the worst thing that ever happened to you. An important truth that remembered and acted upon will continue to make the world a better place.
The reasons this is an important truth are many. First, the more adversity you face in life, the more opportunity you have to build resilience and perspective. When you have survived the death of a loved one, a flat tire on your way to a job interview is just an inconvenience.
The second reason this is an important truth has to do with compassion and validation. All emotion is legitimate. No one's feelings should ever be trivialized. It is not helpful to say things like, "Oh, come on, it is not as bad as you are making it out to be", or "For heaven's sake, grow up and get over yourself".
When something bad happens to someone, emotion follows. The depth and reach of that emotion is not yours to judge. It is appropriate to intervene when someone is trying to work through strong emotion in a way that is damaging to themselves or others, but the right way to do that does not include ridiculing or diminishing the person's right to feel.
If you have someone in your life who is sad, be supportive. There is no need to get out a measuring stick on why their sadness doesn't measure up to someone else's. I remember years ago I had a pet die. I was very sad. Someone I worked with was very vocal about how ridiculous it was to be that upset over an animal dying. All their scorn did was hurt me more. No point at all to that. Later in life, another pet died. A dear friend told me "You have my permission to be sad as long as you need to". That was a great gift. My sadness was validated. I was still sad. I still cried for my Burt dog. But no hurt was layered on.
If you have someone in your life who is angry, be supportive. Statements like, "I can tell you are really upset", and "You can vent in my direction all you need to" are helpful. Even if you think the anger the person is expressing is out of proportion with the event, pointing that out will only make the person feel isolated and angry.
It is not always possible to feel empathy for another's emotions, but you can work on always feeling and expressing compassion.
Often the emotion that manifests is not directly proportionate to the event. We all have emotional storerooms in ourselves that contain old happiness, old hurts, old sadness, old anger, old despair. Many of us actively work on cleaning out those storerooms, but for most of us, they are always there. We can't predict what events or happenings will open the doors of those storerooms so that old emotion spills over onto current events. Since this is a truth of our shared humanity, let's work on recognizing this is a truth for all of us.
The worst thing that ever happened to you is the worst thing that ever happened to you. When you find yourself tempted to minimize or trivialize the emotional response you are observing in someone else, take the time to remember an early disappointment. Maybe you didn't get invited to a birthday party in first grade, or didn't get picked until last for a team at school or the playground. Force yourself to remember how much that hurt. The reason it looks smaller now is that there have been larger disappointments and hurts that have created perspective.
When you practice appreciating everyone's emotions as valid, you start becoming a more compassionate person. Compassion breeds caring. Caring feeds relationships. Relationships build communities. Communities that are compassionate and caring make the world a better place.
The worst thing that ever happened to you is the worst thing that ever happened to you. An important truth that remembered and acted upon will continue to make the world a better place.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
I never felt the tail wind
Yesterday, as I was walking along the lakefront with my husband, we were talking about all manner of things as we usually do. We headed west, and turned around about 2.5 miles into our walk. I was totally surprised when we turned around, as there was a very stiff headwind going back east. I remarked to my husband "I never felt that tailwind".
Walking west didn't feel any easier than normal, but walking east definitely felt harder. Yet, because we were "into the wind" we worked harder and actually achieved a faster pace coming back than we had maintained on the way out.
Boom! The thought spun out of control in my head as a metaphor for life, and success in life.
How often when things are going well; in life, in sport, at work, do we think things are "normal"? Are we missing the tailwind? The tailwind of the love and support of our families? The tailwind of being able to afford good nutrition? The tailwind of access to clean drinking water? The tailwind of talented and competent employees and colleagues?
It is so easy to enjoy successful, relatively stress free times, without thinking about or appreciating all the forces and factors that create those times. None of us are in this world alone. Even if you don't subscribe to the belief in a higher power, the power of love and compassion in the universe is unparalleled. There are always people who are making your journey easier, just by being present in your world. Feel the tailwind.
So, the next time life feels normal, think about the tailwind. When life is easy, celebrate the tailwind. The headwinds will always be there; and they force us to recognize them. If we learn to focus on, and appreciate the tailwinds during normal and easy times, we know where to turn for the extra support we need to succeed against the headwinds.
The headwinds will force us to focus and to try harder to be successful; don't let the tailwinds allow you to relax too much. The energy you save when enjoying a tailwind can be redeployed to helping someone in your world who is struggling "into the wind".
Never forget you can be the difference in the world. Be the tailwind.
Walking west didn't feel any easier than normal, but walking east definitely felt harder. Yet, because we were "into the wind" we worked harder and actually achieved a faster pace coming back than we had maintained on the way out.
Boom! The thought spun out of control in my head as a metaphor for life, and success in life.
How often when things are going well; in life, in sport, at work, do we think things are "normal"? Are we missing the tailwind? The tailwind of the love and support of our families? The tailwind of being able to afford good nutrition? The tailwind of access to clean drinking water? The tailwind of talented and competent employees and colleagues?
It is so easy to enjoy successful, relatively stress free times, without thinking about or appreciating all the forces and factors that create those times. None of us are in this world alone. Even if you don't subscribe to the belief in a higher power, the power of love and compassion in the universe is unparalleled. There are always people who are making your journey easier, just by being present in your world. Feel the tailwind.
So, the next time life feels normal, think about the tailwind. When life is easy, celebrate the tailwind. The headwinds will always be there; and they force us to recognize them. If we learn to focus on, and appreciate the tailwinds during normal and easy times, we know where to turn for the extra support we need to succeed against the headwinds.
The headwinds will force us to focus and to try harder to be successful; don't let the tailwinds allow you to relax too much. The energy you save when enjoying a tailwind can be redeployed to helping someone in your world who is struggling "into the wind".
Never forget you can be the difference in the world. Be the tailwind.
Friday, April 24, 2015
I hear you
Second in a series on communication. Today's topic - Active Listening.
Active Listening is a learned skill that teaches the listener to focus on what the speaker is saying. For most of us, we actually remember only 25 to 50% of what we hear. Practicing Active Listening is intended to improve this percentage. When you actively listen to another person, you focus your attention on them, and internalize what they are saying while they are speaking. You don't spend the time they are talking formulating a rebuttal, or thinking about your response. You instead attempt to truly understand the message they are trying to convey.
There is a book that I think is awesome, "Notes to Myself" by Hugh Prather. There is one line in the book that I have never forgotten.
"I don't want to just hear what you say, I want to feel what you mean."
That quote sums up active listening for me. How can you practice active listening? First, focus your attention on the speaker. Put down your smart phone, turn the volume down on the radio or TV, and face the person you are listening to.
Next, clear your mind of distracting thoughts. Don't be planning your next statement. If it helps you, repeat in your mind what the person is telling you. Watch the body language of the speaker. If something that is said is confusing to you, ask for clarification. Make sure your body posture is open, encourage the speaker to continue by nodding or giving other signs of engagement.
Suspend judgement and just accept what the speaker is saying is their truth. You may perceive a different truth. Active listening says you accept that the speaker believes the truth they are telling. Allow the speaker to finish, and then ask clarifying questions. Repeat back what you heard, prefacing your statements with phrases like "What I think I heard you say is" or "Is this what you mean?" By repeating back what you have heard, you will help imprint that information more solidly in your own mind.
After the speaker has finished speaking, and you have listened and heard, and verified what you have heard, you can now respond. Active listening doesn't mean that you won't disagree with what you have heard, but it does mean that you will respect the speakers thoughts and feelings. Remember we are all a composite of our life experiences, so we all experience a different truth. If you have a different opinion, state it. But stating your opinion doesn't mean being disrespectful of someone else's opinion. It is fine to disagree.
If consensus or compromise is necessary, focus on the outcome that you need to achieve. There are many ways to solve problems or to make progress. By opening your mind to the possibility that there are answers you have not thought of, you open yourself to better solutions.
The more you practice active listening, the easier it gets. If you find yourself slipping into old patterns of formulating your response, or thinking about something other than you speaker, remind yourself to focus, and use whatever technique works for you to keep focused.
As the people in your life see that you are making an effort to really listen to them and understand them, your relationships will improve. Stronger relationships have room for disagreement with out disharmony.
Active Listening is a learned skill that teaches the listener to focus on what the speaker is saying. For most of us, we actually remember only 25 to 50% of what we hear. Practicing Active Listening is intended to improve this percentage. When you actively listen to another person, you focus your attention on them, and internalize what they are saying while they are speaking. You don't spend the time they are talking formulating a rebuttal, or thinking about your response. You instead attempt to truly understand the message they are trying to convey.
There is a book that I think is awesome, "Notes to Myself" by Hugh Prather. There is one line in the book that I have never forgotten.
"I don't want to just hear what you say, I want to feel what you mean."
That quote sums up active listening for me. How can you practice active listening? First, focus your attention on the speaker. Put down your smart phone, turn the volume down on the radio or TV, and face the person you are listening to.
Next, clear your mind of distracting thoughts. Don't be planning your next statement. If it helps you, repeat in your mind what the person is telling you. Watch the body language of the speaker. If something that is said is confusing to you, ask for clarification. Make sure your body posture is open, encourage the speaker to continue by nodding or giving other signs of engagement.
Suspend judgement and just accept what the speaker is saying is their truth. You may perceive a different truth. Active listening says you accept that the speaker believes the truth they are telling. Allow the speaker to finish, and then ask clarifying questions. Repeat back what you heard, prefacing your statements with phrases like "What I think I heard you say is" or "Is this what you mean?" By repeating back what you have heard, you will help imprint that information more solidly in your own mind.
After the speaker has finished speaking, and you have listened and heard, and verified what you have heard, you can now respond. Active listening doesn't mean that you won't disagree with what you have heard, but it does mean that you will respect the speakers thoughts and feelings. Remember we are all a composite of our life experiences, so we all experience a different truth. If you have a different opinion, state it. But stating your opinion doesn't mean being disrespectful of someone else's opinion. It is fine to disagree.
If consensus or compromise is necessary, focus on the outcome that you need to achieve. There are many ways to solve problems or to make progress. By opening your mind to the possibility that there are answers you have not thought of, you open yourself to better solutions.
The more you practice active listening, the easier it gets. If you find yourself slipping into old patterns of formulating your response, or thinking about something other than you speaker, remind yourself to focus, and use whatever technique works for you to keep focused.
As the people in your life see that you are making an effort to really listen to them and understand them, your relationships will improve. Stronger relationships have room for disagreement with out disharmony.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
What did you say?
Communications - another really difficult thing for us humans to do well. I have often said that I learned to talk at around two years old but I am still trying to learn how to communicate.
There are so many opportunities for communications to go wrong. Today, let's focus on feedback loops.
A feedback loop is basically repeating what you heard the other person say, so that you can start from the same words.
"Let's have pizza on Tuesday night."
"You said pizza on Tuesday, April 28?"
"Yes, that is what I said."
Simple feedback loop. Another example to show how things can go wrong.
"Let's have pizza next Friday."
"You said pizza on Friday, May 1?"
"No, next Friday, April 24."
The use of the word "next" can create communication error. Amazing how easy it is. And that was with a relatively simple concept.
Let's make it more difficult.
"When I asked you if you were going to finish the Saxe exercise soon, you said yes, but you're not finished yet."
"That's right, I expect to be finished soon."
"I'm afraid 'soon' is not precise enough. Can we set a date and time that you will be finished?"
"Are you pressuring me? Is my performance a problem?"
Whoa! Has something like this ever happened to you? Are there any words in the above dialogue that sounded accusatory? Maybe a tone of voice provoked a defensive response, or maybe the person was struggling with completing the exercise and the defensiveness came from insecurity. Either way, lets play out the conversation differently.
"If I asked you to finish the Saxe exercise by 3 pm on Friday, April 23, would that be enough time? Do you have any questions about how to complete the exercise? Do you need anything from me to meet that date/time expectation?"
"To be honest, I keep getting pulled off on other 'fire fighting' issues that crop up. I don't know if I can finish by then with all the interruptions."
"Would it work for you to shut off your phone and email for the rest of the afternoon to focus on completing the exercise? You can put an auto-reply on your mail and voice mail directing anyone that needs immediate help to contact me."
"I think I could get it done then. Do you have a few minutes to review what I have done so far to make sure I'm on the right track?"
"Of course, let's take a look at it together."
In the first interaction, the opening question can imply a failure to perform, which can make a person defensive. In the second interaction, the opening question is simply interrogatory, with the presentation of an opportunity to ask for help or highlight challenges. The response is then followed up with a potential solution to help achieve the objective.
Learning to use language that is non-threatening is a very good way to improve communications, but without use of a feedback loop to verify that you are in agreement, things can still go awry.
Always remember that what you say, and what the recipient hears may not be the same thing. The only way to make sure that misunderstanding is not occurring is to use the feedback mechanism. It may feel unnatural at first, but it gets easier with practice.
Next post we will talk about "active listening", the practice of truly listening to what someone is saying rather than formulating your response while they are speaking.
On the feedback loop, it would really help me to know if these blog entries are interesting or helpful if I got some comments back.
There are so many opportunities for communications to go wrong. Today, let's focus on feedback loops.
A feedback loop is basically repeating what you heard the other person say, so that you can start from the same words.
"Let's have pizza on Tuesday night."
"You said pizza on Tuesday, April 28?"
"Yes, that is what I said."
Simple feedback loop. Another example to show how things can go wrong.
"Let's have pizza next Friday."
"You said pizza on Friday, May 1?"
"No, next Friday, April 24."
The use of the word "next" can create communication error. Amazing how easy it is. And that was with a relatively simple concept.
Let's make it more difficult.
"When I asked you if you were going to finish the Saxe exercise soon, you said yes, but you're not finished yet."
"That's right, I expect to be finished soon."
"I'm afraid 'soon' is not precise enough. Can we set a date and time that you will be finished?"
"Are you pressuring me? Is my performance a problem?"
Whoa! Has something like this ever happened to you? Are there any words in the above dialogue that sounded accusatory? Maybe a tone of voice provoked a defensive response, or maybe the person was struggling with completing the exercise and the defensiveness came from insecurity. Either way, lets play out the conversation differently.
"If I asked you to finish the Saxe exercise by 3 pm on Friday, April 23, would that be enough time? Do you have any questions about how to complete the exercise? Do you need anything from me to meet that date/time expectation?"
"To be honest, I keep getting pulled off on other 'fire fighting' issues that crop up. I don't know if I can finish by then with all the interruptions."
"Would it work for you to shut off your phone and email for the rest of the afternoon to focus on completing the exercise? You can put an auto-reply on your mail and voice mail directing anyone that needs immediate help to contact me."
"I think I could get it done then. Do you have a few minutes to review what I have done so far to make sure I'm on the right track?"
"Of course, let's take a look at it together."
In the first interaction, the opening question can imply a failure to perform, which can make a person defensive. In the second interaction, the opening question is simply interrogatory, with the presentation of an opportunity to ask for help or highlight challenges. The response is then followed up with a potential solution to help achieve the objective.
Learning to use language that is non-threatening is a very good way to improve communications, but without use of a feedback loop to verify that you are in agreement, things can still go awry.
Always remember that what you say, and what the recipient hears may not be the same thing. The only way to make sure that misunderstanding is not occurring is to use the feedback mechanism. It may feel unnatural at first, but it gets easier with practice.
Next post we will talk about "active listening", the practice of truly listening to what someone is saying rather than formulating your response while they are speaking.
On the feedback loop, it would really help me to know if these blog entries are interesting or helpful if I got some comments back.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Self-Evaluation
It is very difficult for most people to do an honest self-evaluation. We tend to be either too hard on ourselves, or too easy. The best way to help someone learn to do an honest self evaluation is to give them a process to use that makes it easier.
I've attached a spreadsheet that can be used for self-evaluation.
Saxe Exercise
There is an example included on the spreadsheet to help clarify how to use it. The example is in blue font. I've added more descriptors below.
Objective - Your objective should be stated as a SMART goal (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Bound or Timely). It may take multiple actions to achieve the objective, that is not a problem.
Action taken to achieve objective - This column will contain the discrete steps that will add up to achieving the objective. Make sure there is an observable result for each action.
What do you expect to see as a result of this action? - This column will contain the visualization of the result. This column should be completed prior to action being taken.
What was the actual result from this action? - This column should record the observed result of the action.
What does the result look like; what observable difference has your action made? - If the result of the action was what was expected, this column will be blank. This column is used to observe what a deviation from expected result looks like, and how it deviates from expectation.
Were there unintended consequences of this action? - This column is used to describe any unintended consequences of the original action, and also to start the evaluation process of why column E had to be completed.
By charting performance this way, it is easy to separate the emotion from the facts. The great thing about this process is that you can also see when your result was better than expected, or when there was an unintended positive result. Always keep in mind that the goal of all performance evaluations is to help people grow and improve their skill sets.
This device can also be used when designing a process or system. By documenting what you "see" from a process in the design phase, you create a platform for collaboration. A diverse and virtual team can "see" what each other imagine and create the best outcomes by incorporating the diversity of vision in the group.
Why is this a "Saxe" exercise?
"Six Blind Men and an Elephant" by John Godfrey Saxe inspired using visualization to dispel argument and create a common vision. The tool evolved from a planning tool for group collaboration, to a tool also useful for self-evaluation and goal planning.
I'd love to hear from you, comments welcome.
I've attached a spreadsheet that can be used for self-evaluation.
Saxe Exercise
There is an example included on the spreadsheet to help clarify how to use it. The example is in blue font. I've added more descriptors below.
Objective - Your objective should be stated as a SMART goal (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Bound or Timely). It may take multiple actions to achieve the objective, that is not a problem.
Action taken to achieve objective - This column will contain the discrete steps that will add up to achieving the objective. Make sure there is an observable result for each action.
What do you expect to see as a result of this action? - This column will contain the visualization of the result. This column should be completed prior to action being taken.
What was the actual result from this action? - This column should record the observed result of the action.
What does the result look like; what observable difference has your action made? - If the result of the action was what was expected, this column will be blank. This column is used to observe what a deviation from expected result looks like, and how it deviates from expectation.
Were there unintended consequences of this action? - This column is used to describe any unintended consequences of the original action, and also to start the evaluation process of why column E had to be completed.
By charting performance this way, it is easy to separate the emotion from the facts. The great thing about this process is that you can also see when your result was better than expected, or when there was an unintended positive result. Always keep in mind that the goal of all performance evaluations is to help people grow and improve their skill sets.
This device can also be used when designing a process or system. By documenting what you "see" from a process in the design phase, you create a platform for collaboration. A diverse and virtual team can "see" what each other imagine and create the best outcomes by incorporating the diversity of vision in the group.
Why is this a "Saxe" exercise?
"Six Blind Men and an Elephant" by John Godfrey Saxe inspired using visualization to dispel argument and create a common vision. The tool evolved from a planning tool for group collaboration, to a tool also useful for self-evaluation and goal planning.
I'd love to hear from you, comments welcome.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Memories
One of the most misunderstood functions of the human mind is memory and how it works. Many people believe that our brains are like recording devices, storing video clips of the events that happen to us.
Cool idea, but so not how it works. For years, neuroscience believed that "constructed" memories, or memories that had been adequately built in our brains were stable and not subject to change. This theory has been called into question lately - here is a link to great article in Smithsonian Magazine on the topic.
How our Brains make Memories
If this new theory is proven, that will mean that each time we remember something, we reconstruct the memory from the stored pieces of memory in the brain. In the act of reconstruction, we can change the emotional impact the memory has on us.
This is potentially breakthrough information to help people recover from post traumatic stress disorder, but it is also very valuable information for everyday life.
One of the other factors that plays into how memory works is how our brain manages the large volumes of ambiguous information we take in.
How Your Brain Decides Without You
Because we all see not only through our eyes, but through our cumulative life experience and how that has patterned our brains, it is very unlikely that you will ever find two people who remember the same event in the same way.
Why is this important to you as a leader? If we depend on memory to repeat successful performance, we are stacking the deck against ourselves. While it is impossible to write a procedure for everything, some things simply must be written down. When undesirable outcomes occur, if we focus our investigation on interviews and eyewitness reports, we will typically find that the "facts" reported differ by individual. Another problem that will likely occur is that people "see" and "remember" what they expected to see, so true anomalies will go unobserved and undetected.
Your job as leader is to reliably identify those processes that must be carefully documented so that they can be repeated.
It is also your job to accept no one account of what created an undesirable outcome. The best course of action is to focus on how the desirable outcome could have been created, and then build safeguards into your system to guarantee the desired outcome. Because memory is unreliable, and most data sets are incomplete, trying to reconstruct history is a very flawed undertaking.
By focusing your energy on the key activities that create successful outcomes, and providing supporting documentation so that these key activities can be successfully repeated, you will strengthen your organizations ability to succeed.
Next post we will talk about how to help your individual employees evaluate their own performance and outcomes and independently determine how to achieve better outcomes.
Cool idea, but so not how it works. For years, neuroscience believed that "constructed" memories, or memories that had been adequately built in our brains were stable and not subject to change. This theory has been called into question lately - here is a link to great article in Smithsonian Magazine on the topic.
How our Brains make Memories
If this new theory is proven, that will mean that each time we remember something, we reconstruct the memory from the stored pieces of memory in the brain. In the act of reconstruction, we can change the emotional impact the memory has on us.
This is potentially breakthrough information to help people recover from post traumatic stress disorder, but it is also very valuable information for everyday life.
One of the other factors that plays into how memory works is how our brain manages the large volumes of ambiguous information we take in.
How Your Brain Decides Without You
Because we all see not only through our eyes, but through our cumulative life experience and how that has patterned our brains, it is very unlikely that you will ever find two people who remember the same event in the same way.
Why is this important to you as a leader? If we depend on memory to repeat successful performance, we are stacking the deck against ourselves. While it is impossible to write a procedure for everything, some things simply must be written down. When undesirable outcomes occur, if we focus our investigation on interviews and eyewitness reports, we will typically find that the "facts" reported differ by individual. Another problem that will likely occur is that people "see" and "remember" what they expected to see, so true anomalies will go unobserved and undetected.
Your job as leader is to reliably identify those processes that must be carefully documented so that they can be repeated.
It is also your job to accept no one account of what created an undesirable outcome. The best course of action is to focus on how the desirable outcome could have been created, and then build safeguards into your system to guarantee the desired outcome. Because memory is unreliable, and most data sets are incomplete, trying to reconstruct history is a very flawed undertaking.
By focusing your energy on the key activities that create successful outcomes, and providing supporting documentation so that these key activities can be successfully repeated, you will strengthen your organizations ability to succeed.
Next post we will talk about how to help your individual employees evaluate their own performance and outcomes and independently determine how to achieve better outcomes.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
You are more than your work
One of the grave dangers of seeking success in the work world is that you can over identify with your job or your work, and lose sight of what a very small part of you your work is.
Don't get me wrong - I loved my work - and it was very important to me to do the very best I could to make the workplace safer for the people in it. Loving what you do and being committed to doing it well isn't the same as over identifying with your work.
In an earlier post, I talked about all the things that I am. I surprised myself when I looked at that list, because Safety Professional wasn't listed. It made me think. Why did I not list my vocation? Is it because I recently retired? Or, is it because safety professional is what I do, not who I am?
Over my career as a safety professional, I brought all that I am to the execution of my duties. But the passion that I brought was that of a mother, a daughter, a sister. It was the passion of a person who loves life and people, and the execution of my heartfelt desire to protect workers from injury and death in the workplace.
Under different circumstances, maybe I would have put my passion for protecting people to use another way. Maybe as a doctor or nurse, or as a police officer or fire fighter. Maybe as a teacher or day care worker. The contribution we make to society as a worker can take many forms. I often felt like I was born to practice the safety profession, but is is not who I am, it is how I expressed my passion.
When you allow yourself to identify too strongly with what you do, the idea of losing your job becomes terrifying, because it represents losing your identity. This contributes to impaired decision making, as self-protection is a very powerful motivator. It is easy to fall into the trap of making decisions based on short term personal success, rather than focusing on the long term goals of your employer, and how your organization contributes to those goals.
That can start the self-defeating cycle that confuses your organization, and diminishes your value to your employer. The more you self-protect, the more likely you are to make decisions that may be personally beneficial, but not good for the larger group you lead. Without you maintaining focus on how your organization supports the overall company goals, your employees can become confused as to what they should be working on. Confused employees are less productive, less motivated, and less happy.
As your contribution to the larger organizations goals diminish, you provide less value. As you realize your value is decreasing, you become more self-protecting.
Stop the madness. You are more than what you do for a living. What you do to earn a living should inspire the passion you have inside you, but it does not define you. Recognize your passion. Manifest your passion. If you stay true to what you believe is the contribution you can make to the world being a better place, you will never believe all you are is the job you do.
Don't get me wrong - I loved my work - and it was very important to me to do the very best I could to make the workplace safer for the people in it. Loving what you do and being committed to doing it well isn't the same as over identifying with your work.
In an earlier post, I talked about all the things that I am. I surprised myself when I looked at that list, because Safety Professional wasn't listed. It made me think. Why did I not list my vocation? Is it because I recently retired? Or, is it because safety professional is what I do, not who I am?
Over my career as a safety professional, I brought all that I am to the execution of my duties. But the passion that I brought was that of a mother, a daughter, a sister. It was the passion of a person who loves life and people, and the execution of my heartfelt desire to protect workers from injury and death in the workplace.
Under different circumstances, maybe I would have put my passion for protecting people to use another way. Maybe as a doctor or nurse, or as a police officer or fire fighter. Maybe as a teacher or day care worker. The contribution we make to society as a worker can take many forms. I often felt like I was born to practice the safety profession, but is is not who I am, it is how I expressed my passion.
When you allow yourself to identify too strongly with what you do, the idea of losing your job becomes terrifying, because it represents losing your identity. This contributes to impaired decision making, as self-protection is a very powerful motivator. It is easy to fall into the trap of making decisions based on short term personal success, rather than focusing on the long term goals of your employer, and how your organization contributes to those goals.
That can start the self-defeating cycle that confuses your organization, and diminishes your value to your employer. The more you self-protect, the more likely you are to make decisions that may be personally beneficial, but not good for the larger group you lead. Without you maintaining focus on how your organization supports the overall company goals, your employees can become confused as to what they should be working on. Confused employees are less productive, less motivated, and less happy.
As your contribution to the larger organizations goals diminish, you provide less value. As you realize your value is decreasing, you become more self-protecting.
Stop the madness. You are more than what you do for a living. What you do to earn a living should inspire the passion you have inside you, but it does not define you. Recognize your passion. Manifest your passion. If you stay true to what you believe is the contribution you can make to the world being a better place, you will never believe all you are is the job you do.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Control
One of the most sacred illusions we humans cherish is the illusion of control. We like to imagine ourselves as the one steering the ship of our lives. Unfortunately, this illusion can cause us to feel sad and disappointed, when we believe a different outcome was available if only we would have done something differently.
Hopefully, everyone reading this post has learned to control their own behavior most of the time. That is typically all the control you will ever get.
One of the biggest, scariest acknowledgements of how little control I have happened when the large, international company I had worked for for 17 years was acquired and merged into another company.
The smaller company I had worked for previously had changed owners four times, but the impact to me had always been minimal. Different insurance carrier, different rules for payroll direct deposit, slight changes in scheduled paid holidays; seriously minor changes.
With the larger company being acquired, I knew the changes would be major. Then came Day 1. The instruction was to keep doing what you are doing until someone tells you to stop. What followed is something I have told many people, you will get through, but you will never get over.
What followed was work that I had done and was proud of being discarded for what I thought many times was an inferior product.
I watched trusted friends and colleagues be released from employment in a very demeaning fashion (escorted out of the facility by security as if they had done something wrong, instead of just not fitting one of the reduced number of employment opportunities available).
I saw what I believed to be very good policies and programs replaced with what I believed to be less effective programs.
In short, I saw my normal disappear.
It was hard. I went through a grieving process. I grew into a better person.
My illusion of control was gone. The loss of that illusion freed me to focus on what is important, focusing on what my talents and behavior can do to improve the lives of those I can influence.
We will all experience moments of great change. We will all be captives to changes we didn't choose, and we didn't ask for.
No one can change that. What you can change is how you respond. Do an honest and realistic self-assessment of what you want your legacy to be. How do you want people to remember you? Do an honest and realistic self-assessment of what your talents and skills are. How can you improve the lives of those you touch with your talents and skills?
By focusing on what you can control, on your contribution to others, not to a corporate entity, you can experience a level of self-determination that is far more satisfying than clinging to the illusion of control.
In the final analysis, the almost 14 years I spent with the company after the merger were the best years of my professional life. I was given the opportunity to preach my gospel of a workplace where no one ever gets seriously injured or dies to thousands of people. I was blessed to have some of those people tell me that I influenced them to practice safer behaviors. It is arguable that I would never had the same level of opportunity with the original company.
Stay your personal course. Know what is important and meaningful to you, and stay true to accomplishing your goals.
Control is an illusion. Seek thoughtful self-determination. When you are sure of where you are going, it becomes easy to lead.
Hopefully, everyone reading this post has learned to control their own behavior most of the time. That is typically all the control you will ever get.
One of the biggest, scariest acknowledgements of how little control I have happened when the large, international company I had worked for for 17 years was acquired and merged into another company.
The smaller company I had worked for previously had changed owners four times, but the impact to me had always been minimal. Different insurance carrier, different rules for payroll direct deposit, slight changes in scheduled paid holidays; seriously minor changes.
With the larger company being acquired, I knew the changes would be major. Then came Day 1. The instruction was to keep doing what you are doing until someone tells you to stop. What followed is something I have told many people, you will get through, but you will never get over.
What followed was work that I had done and was proud of being discarded for what I thought many times was an inferior product.
I watched trusted friends and colleagues be released from employment in a very demeaning fashion (escorted out of the facility by security as if they had done something wrong, instead of just not fitting one of the reduced number of employment opportunities available).
I saw what I believed to be very good policies and programs replaced with what I believed to be less effective programs.
In short, I saw my normal disappear.
It was hard. I went through a grieving process. I grew into a better person.
My illusion of control was gone. The loss of that illusion freed me to focus on what is important, focusing on what my talents and behavior can do to improve the lives of those I can influence.
We will all experience moments of great change. We will all be captives to changes we didn't choose, and we didn't ask for.
No one can change that. What you can change is how you respond. Do an honest and realistic self-assessment of what you want your legacy to be. How do you want people to remember you? Do an honest and realistic self-assessment of what your talents and skills are. How can you improve the lives of those you touch with your talents and skills?
By focusing on what you can control, on your contribution to others, not to a corporate entity, you can experience a level of self-determination that is far more satisfying than clinging to the illusion of control.
In the final analysis, the almost 14 years I spent with the company after the merger were the best years of my professional life. I was given the opportunity to preach my gospel of a workplace where no one ever gets seriously injured or dies to thousands of people. I was blessed to have some of those people tell me that I influenced them to practice safer behaviors. It is arguable that I would never had the same level of opportunity with the original company.
Stay your personal course. Know what is important and meaningful to you, and stay true to accomplishing your goals.
Control is an illusion. Seek thoughtful self-determination. When you are sure of where you are going, it becomes easy to lead.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
It takes courage
It takes courage to be a leader. Being a leader doesn't come without a price. It seems that too often, people in leadership positions want to take the status and money, but not the responsibility.
Being a leader doesn't mean saying "yes" to your leader, or his or her leader. Being a leader means evaluating the organization's goals, figuring out how your work group or team can make the biggest contribution to those goals, providing your employees the framework and resources to make the team's contribution, and escalating when you have needs beyond the resources you have to commit.
I hear over and over stories of employees who are in impossible situations, because their leader has said "yes" to an impossible request. Why do leaders do this? Fear.
It is incredibly difficult to say "no" to people in authority. Most of us were conditioned from a very young age to please authority figures. Learning how to say "no" as an adult is a very difficult undertaking.
In order to be successful at saying "no", you need to build your case. Data is your friend. "We can't load 600 tank cars of product in 24 hours, because that leaves no time for anything to go less than perfectly. 600 tank cars is 25 per hour. We have 5 loading stations. That is 12 minutes per car plus the hook up and disconnect. It takes 10 minutes just for the pumps to transfer the product. The very best we can commit to with the current equipment installation is 480 tank cars."
By over committing, your people will look like they have failed, but the real failure belongs to the leader. It is necessary to set your people up for success. This means you will be the face of disappointment when unreasonable demands are made.
As you build a reputation for saying "no" when necessary, and delivering on the commitments you make, your value to both your employees and your leaders goes up.
A side benefit is that your employees will also know that saying "no" is OK, because you have modeled the behavior. I have never met a human being that likes failing, or feeling like a disappointment. If you can't find the courage to say "no" when you have to, your people will get demoralized.
The more you practice saying "no", the easier it gets. Gather your data, build your case, don't cave in to impossible demands. Everyone will be better for it.
Being a leader doesn't mean saying "yes" to your leader, or his or her leader. Being a leader means evaluating the organization's goals, figuring out how your work group or team can make the biggest contribution to those goals, providing your employees the framework and resources to make the team's contribution, and escalating when you have needs beyond the resources you have to commit.
I hear over and over stories of employees who are in impossible situations, because their leader has said "yes" to an impossible request. Why do leaders do this? Fear.
It is incredibly difficult to say "no" to people in authority. Most of us were conditioned from a very young age to please authority figures. Learning how to say "no" as an adult is a very difficult undertaking.
In order to be successful at saying "no", you need to build your case. Data is your friend. "We can't load 600 tank cars of product in 24 hours, because that leaves no time for anything to go less than perfectly. 600 tank cars is 25 per hour. We have 5 loading stations. That is 12 minutes per car plus the hook up and disconnect. It takes 10 minutes just for the pumps to transfer the product. The very best we can commit to with the current equipment installation is 480 tank cars."
By over committing, your people will look like they have failed, but the real failure belongs to the leader. It is necessary to set your people up for success. This means you will be the face of disappointment when unreasonable demands are made.
As you build a reputation for saying "no" when necessary, and delivering on the commitments you make, your value to both your employees and your leaders goes up.
A side benefit is that your employees will also know that saying "no" is OK, because you have modeled the behavior. I have never met a human being that likes failing, or feeling like a disappointment. If you can't find the courage to say "no" when you have to, your people will get demoralized.
The more you practice saying "no", the easier it gets. Gather your data, build your case, don't cave in to impossible demands. Everyone will be better for it.
Monday, April 6, 2015
Don't feed the beast
In my last post, I talked about the monster within each of us. We all have a less than our best persona who resides in us. For many of us, we spend our entire lives trying to subdue the monster, trying to be the best we can be.
I know some people who I simply can't imagine having a monster within. All I have ever seen from them is kindness and compassion. But when you invest in people, when you listen, when you really get to know them, everyone is fighting a monster within.
What is most surprising, is many people's monster is a fearful, mean voice directed internally. Many of us have an internal voice that is hostile, derogatory and demeaning. For many of us, this internal voice that we direct at ourselves we would never direct at another human being. This is a monster we simply have to stop feeding.
In the bestseller "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett, Aibileen tells the child she cares for, Mae Mobley, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important.". Aibileen understood something very important. We can teach the voice in our heads to be positive and uplifting, or we can allow the voice in our head to be mean and derogatory.
Where does this voice in our heads come from? Does it come from some authority figure that we could never please? Does it come from the daily struggles of overcoming disappointment and failure? Does it come from the insecure place that most of us have that tells us we are not good enough?
It doesn't matter where it comes from. If you stop feeding the beast, if you tell the mean voice in your head to stop talking, and practice a self-affirming mantra instead, you can weaken, and eventually kill, the beast.
The first step is to find your mantra. When you are about to tackle a project, and the voice in your head says, "What makes you think you can do that? You've never tried anything that complicated before. You're going to make a mess and everyone will know you are a big fraud with no talent or skill."; you can't start arguing with the voice. You need a calm and practiced response. The mantra has to be simple.
"I am good. I am kind. I am important." is a great mantra. "I'm smart. I've accomplished great things. I never give up." is another good one. It needs to be short. It needs to be repeated often. You need to believe it.
As a leader, your self doubt and negative self speak can have a demoralizing impact on your team. You have to be your best support system, your best cheerleader. You can't let the monster within steal your confidence or your optimism. Find your mantra. Believe your mantra. Don't feed the beast.
I know some people who I simply can't imagine having a monster within. All I have ever seen from them is kindness and compassion. But when you invest in people, when you listen, when you really get to know them, everyone is fighting a monster within.
What is most surprising, is many people's monster is a fearful, mean voice directed internally. Many of us have an internal voice that is hostile, derogatory and demeaning. For many of us, this internal voice that we direct at ourselves we would never direct at another human being. This is a monster we simply have to stop feeding.
In the bestseller "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett, Aibileen tells the child she cares for, Mae Mobley, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important.". Aibileen understood something very important. We can teach the voice in our heads to be positive and uplifting, or we can allow the voice in our head to be mean and derogatory.
Where does this voice in our heads come from? Does it come from some authority figure that we could never please? Does it come from the daily struggles of overcoming disappointment and failure? Does it come from the insecure place that most of us have that tells us we are not good enough?
It doesn't matter where it comes from. If you stop feeding the beast, if you tell the mean voice in your head to stop talking, and practice a self-affirming mantra instead, you can weaken, and eventually kill, the beast.
The first step is to find your mantra. When you are about to tackle a project, and the voice in your head says, "What makes you think you can do that? You've never tried anything that complicated before. You're going to make a mess and everyone will know you are a big fraud with no talent or skill."; you can't start arguing with the voice. You need a calm and practiced response. The mantra has to be simple.
"I am good. I am kind. I am important." is a great mantra. "I'm smart. I've accomplished great things. I never give up." is another good one. It needs to be short. It needs to be repeated often. You need to believe it.
As a leader, your self doubt and negative self speak can have a demoralizing impact on your team. You have to be your best support system, your best cheerleader. You can't let the monster within steal your confidence or your optimism. Find your mantra. Believe your mantra. Don't feed the beast.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
The monster within
Most of us have a person inside us that is not a particularly nice person. This person inside maybe impatient, or unkind, or angry. As hard as we may try to be the very best person we can be, this less than best person inside us will find it's way to the surface and manifest itself in front of people.
Name your monster. No, really, name your monster. I'm lucky, my daughter named my monster when she was just a toddler. When the ugly lost her temper person in me was about to come out, I would furrow my brow so that an "11" appeared in my brow between my eyes. My little daughter would take her pudgy little toddler hands and rub then across my forehead saying, "No, Scary Mommy; No, Scary Mommy". Frequently, this would be the wake-up call I needed to put Scary Mommy back in the box. But sometimes Scary Mommy manifested anyway. Not my proudest moments.
What a gift my daughter gave me! I could now warn people about the monster within! I have told the "Scary Mommy" story hundreds of times in my professional career. I tell people they do not want to meet scary mommy. I try my best to keep her in the box, but enough provocation will bring scary mommy into the room.
What has surprised me, is that once advised that scary mommy exists, and given the warning signs that she is about to manifest have been communicated, scary mommy's existence has moderated my employee's behavior.
They know how much I hate to turn into scary mommy. They look for my "tells" the eleven on my forehead, and moderate their behavior. And when they don't and scary mommy comes out of the box, it is typical for my employees to apologize for continuing in a behavior that they knew was unacceptable and was pushing me past my limits.
Naming the monster within, and sharing that monster with my team, allowed me to also share how embarrassed I was that I had never learned to totally suppress scary mommy.
Vulnerability, honesty. That is what allows relationships to flourish. Name your monster. Introduce the people you lead to your monster within. Ask for their help to keep the monster in the box. Have fun with your weaknesses. The more human you are, the better leader you can be.
Name your monster. No, really, name your monster. I'm lucky, my daughter named my monster when she was just a toddler. When the ugly lost her temper person in me was about to come out, I would furrow my brow so that an "11" appeared in my brow between my eyes. My little daughter would take her pudgy little toddler hands and rub then across my forehead saying, "No, Scary Mommy; No, Scary Mommy". Frequently, this would be the wake-up call I needed to put Scary Mommy back in the box. But sometimes Scary Mommy manifested anyway. Not my proudest moments.
What a gift my daughter gave me! I could now warn people about the monster within! I have told the "Scary Mommy" story hundreds of times in my professional career. I tell people they do not want to meet scary mommy. I try my best to keep her in the box, but enough provocation will bring scary mommy into the room.
What has surprised me, is that once advised that scary mommy exists, and given the warning signs that she is about to manifest have been communicated, scary mommy's existence has moderated my employee's behavior.
They know how much I hate to turn into scary mommy. They look for my "tells" the eleven on my forehead, and moderate their behavior. And when they don't and scary mommy comes out of the box, it is typical for my employees to apologize for continuing in a behavior that they knew was unacceptable and was pushing me past my limits.
Naming the monster within, and sharing that monster with my team, allowed me to also share how embarrassed I was that I had never learned to totally suppress scary mommy.
Vulnerability, honesty. That is what allows relationships to flourish. Name your monster. Introduce the people you lead to your monster within. Ask for their help to keep the monster in the box. Have fun with your weaknesses. The more human you are, the better leader you can be.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Recharging your batteries
The old axiom that you can't be good to anyone else if you are not good to yourself first is especially true for leaders.
I attended a seminar many years ago, where the seminar facilitator likened our available energy to a pie. He said that you could slice the pie into as many pieces as you want to, but it is a finite pie, and you have a finite amount of energy in any given day.
It was an interesting concept, but not one that I really bought into. I think our available energy is like a battery. There are things you do that drain your energy, but you can plug into an energy source and restore your energy.
What are your energy sources? For me, family and friends have the ability to "charge my batteries". Exercise is a great energy source. Laughter will do it every time. My dogs. My relationship with God. Babies. Sleep. It is important to identify what charges your batteries and what drains them.
You need to keep track of when it is time to plug in before your battery gets too low. Symptoms of battery drain? Irritability. Snappiness. Snarkiness. Unkindness. Lack of Patience. Sadness. Overwhelmedness. If you find yourself needing a recharge, have a plan of action.
I advise people to have a "happy place" available at work. It can be a collection of photographs, saved correspondence, a favorite poem or reading, a quick phone call to a special person. If you don't have a "happy place" to recharge your batteries before you need it, you may not have the energy available to find it when you need it.
The best caretaker you have is you. Being a leader of happy people means you invest a lot of time, energy and emotion in meeting your employees needs so that they can be successful. On some days, that can be very draining. Make sure you have your recharge plan in place.
And if your energy gets low and you demonstrate those symptoms of battery drain? Make sure to apologize to anyone you have hurt, and ask for their help to alert you when you show signs of battery drain. Showing vulnerability and asking for help are essential to real and meaningful relationships. Don't ever be afraid to share your humanness with the people you lead. It will only strengthen your relationship, and help you grow into an even more effective leader.
I attended a seminar many years ago, where the seminar facilitator likened our available energy to a pie. He said that you could slice the pie into as many pieces as you want to, but it is a finite pie, and you have a finite amount of energy in any given day.
It was an interesting concept, but not one that I really bought into. I think our available energy is like a battery. There are things you do that drain your energy, but you can plug into an energy source and restore your energy.
What are your energy sources? For me, family and friends have the ability to "charge my batteries". Exercise is a great energy source. Laughter will do it every time. My dogs. My relationship with God. Babies. Sleep. It is important to identify what charges your batteries and what drains them.
You need to keep track of when it is time to plug in before your battery gets too low. Symptoms of battery drain? Irritability. Snappiness. Snarkiness. Unkindness. Lack of Patience. Sadness. Overwhelmedness. If you find yourself needing a recharge, have a plan of action.
I advise people to have a "happy place" available at work. It can be a collection of photographs, saved correspondence, a favorite poem or reading, a quick phone call to a special person. If you don't have a "happy place" to recharge your batteries before you need it, you may not have the energy available to find it when you need it.
The best caretaker you have is you. Being a leader of happy people means you invest a lot of time, energy and emotion in meeting your employees needs so that they can be successful. On some days, that can be very draining. Make sure you have your recharge plan in place.
And if your energy gets low and you demonstrate those symptoms of battery drain? Make sure to apologize to anyone you have hurt, and ask for their help to alert you when you show signs of battery drain. Showing vulnerability and asking for help are essential to real and meaningful relationships. Don't ever be afraid to share your humanness with the people you lead. It will only strengthen your relationship, and help you grow into an even more effective leader.
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