A Deliberate Life

When I was young, I acted like flotsam on the sea of life, and just floated in the direction of the prevailing winds and current.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing, youth is for discovery and growth.

Unfortunately, this lack of direction and deliberation resulted in my being a single mother of a three year old without marketable skills to support us.

Thus began my transformation to a deliberate life.  What is a deliberate life?  It is a life where thoughtful consideration is given to decisions, large and small.   Yes, this can lead to analysis paralysis (see Overthinking Granola), and you can occasionally miss out on a grand adventure, but it is also a life less likely to contain a lot of regrets.

A deliberate life means that you make decisions based on long-term outcomes. It means that you think of the set of possible outcomes, and probable outcomes, and by evaluating those outcomes, make the decsions with the lowest probability of failure.

A deliberate life also means you have an exit plan, or a Plan "B", just in case one of those low failure probability events actualizes.  A deliberate life doesn't have many surprises, because you have considered what can happen and planned for your response to it.

A deliberate life also does not have many regrets.  Because you actively THINK about the choices you make, you are able to take responsibility for your choices, and the outcomes of those choices.

This does not mean that randomness does not still impact your life.  Within the next week, I will compose a Hurricane Katrina blog, the most profound reminder that we are not in control that I have ever experienced.

But, at the same time, Katrina changed the possible outcomes in my decision making matrix.  And, armed with my new matrix, I questioned every decision I had ever made, where I worked, what I did for a living, where I lived.

And, I debated, deliberated and analyzed all the possible outcomes.  And decided to stay in Metairie. And I have a Plan "B".

The greatest gift a deliberate life will give you is ownership.  Because you have made decisons based on your evaluation of possible outcomes, you take responsibility for the outcome you envisioned.  If the outcome was not on your list, you have ownership for incomplete analysis.  This reinforces the illusion of control, so you will continue trying to self-determine your fate.

I love my deliberate life.   When I am less than satisfied, my deliberate life allows me to question specific decisions so that I can make better decisions next time.  When I am satisfied, I feel like my deliberation has created my satisfaction.

A deliberate life does not mean that one never behaves impulsively.  It simply means that the impulsive actions are those that have relatively little chance of being life altering.  As many of my posts do, it all goes back to the illusion of control that I like to have about my life.

The randomness of the universe is a constant.  A deliberate life is simply one way to create the illusion of control.