I have a feeling that this post is going to feel rambling to the reader, and for that I apologize. It all feels very connected in my mind, and I hope I can help you see the connections I see by the end.
There was a great article / opinion piece in the Huffington Post this week titled "I Don't Know How To Explain To You That You Should Care About Other People". The piece really struck a chord with me, but I didn't share it on Facebook because of the exact people the piece talks about.
I try to stay pretty benign on Facebook, because I don't believe social media is the appropriate platform for serious conversation or debate. I am very old school in that I believe critical conversations on contentious subjects should be face-to-face, in the same room so that all of the nuances of communication can be used and observed.
But, every once in a while, I post something that touches me, and that I think is so benignly universal that no one will interject an opposing view point. I'm usually wrong. I posted one of those things on Facebook recently, that asked people to refrain from poor shaming. It didn't go well.
There are people on this planet that have an opinion on everything, and have to share it. They also have to have the last word, and they have to act as if they are listening to everyone, and no one else is. They tend to use words in a way that is passively critical. When you take the words out of context, they seem harmless, but when you read them in context, they are condemning.
So I would say to the author of the piece in the Huffington Post, you can't explain it to them because they already believe they care about other people. They also believe that government is not the entity to demonstrate that caring (although I have yet to meet someone who has a better answer that can work than a government safety net).
I was basically scolded on Facebook for not considering someone else's perspective (because I fail to put aside emotion, I might add) after saying this:
Facebook is not a platform for debate. Me and (named removed) come from the same place. I understand every system is subject to abuse, and will be taken advantage of by some. I still will choose love and compassion over judgment. I will help when and where I can. And I will always refrain from poor shaming. There but for the grace of God go I. For me, if I am not making the world better with my words or actions, I think about whether or not they are necessary. Poor shaming and judging people I don't know are never necessary, so I don't do it and think it is harmful to society. You won't change my mind, but if you want to discuss, set up a phone call.
The person did not set up a phone call. I guess they don't want to have a conversation and defend why poor shaming is a good thing. They did want to tell me that I would be more well rounded if I listened to their opinion. The failure in communication here is that just because I listen to you, and understand where you come from and why you feel that way, I still don't agree. And, I feel strongly that when I say on my Facebook wall that Facebook is not a platform for debate, if you are a respectful person, you don't shore up your argument, you either stop your commentary, or apologize for starting one in the first place.
Here is the talking point. I think the person who did the scolding is as complex as the rest of us humans. This person extends charity to people. I would hazard a guess that if they did a self-evaluation, they would see themselves as compassionate, understanding and good. Maybe they are.
But they are also angry and resentful that some people take advantage of programs that are designed to help the needy. And they end up voting for people who say they are going to stop the abuse, and the people they voted for end up hurting everyone, and the abusers simply find a new con to run.
If I try to explain to them that they are not compassionate, they go off on a tangent about system abusers, and government waste, and crooked politicians. All those things exist. But for me, they do not negate the good that a government safety net provides.
If I had one gift that I could give to everyone, it would be the ability to really see if their own words and actions are making their own lives better or worse.
So many angry, resentful people are that way because they choose to focus on the bad things. The people that take advantage, the crime, the injustice.
If you are not actively fighting for change to the bad things you are focusing on, you are just wasting your life on things that make you feel worse instead of better.
There is always a wrong to be righted. Pick the one you are most passionate about. Dedicate time and energy to fixing it. Let the noise of all the other wrongs to be righted be silenced, so as to not dilute the energy you need to fix the things you can.
And never, ever forget the words of Emily Dickinson:
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
Resentment destroys, compassion builds. Let's build a better world together.
Friday, June 30, 2017
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
My new endeavor
I have to confess, I use blogger, but I don't know much about how it works. I started a new blog yesterday, and I'm not sure if my regular blog readers were all notified about it or not.
It started on a whim. A friend of mine asked for supper ideas on Facebook. So I gave her a couple, and she said I should write a cookbook. Instead, I decided to set up a blog with my recipes. If you are interested, it is here: Recipes for the lazy cook.
Not all the recipes are really for lazy people, but most can be thrown together fairly easily. They use a lot of prepared foods, like canned meats and vegetables, and frozen vegetables. I'm also a big fan of the cleaned and chopped bags of vegetables in the produce section. We're not talking haute cuisine, we're talking finding how to put some variety in your after work meals.
I started by posting recipes that I had created in My Fitness Pal when I was trying to lose weight. I was amazed to notice that I had created eight pages of recipes! So just yesterday, I transferred fifteen of them. Some of them I didn't bother to transfer, as I thought they were simply too basic, but maybe, just maybe some people don't even know how to do the basic stuff, so I'll probably add them all.
I've made up more recipes since I stopped being so diligent on my diet and logging all my food. I'll start putting them on the blog after I get through all the My Fitness Pal recipes. I need to decide if I will create them in My Fitness Pal first, as doing so creates nutritional information. Creating recipes is something I have done my entire life. I don't know exactly when it started, probably when I was poor and depended on the ability to make tasty meals out of whatever I had on hand.
One of the shortcomings of the My Fitness Pal recipes is that there are just ingredients, no instructions. I'm having to go back and create the instructions, and the instructions are probably way too simple for the non-cook. I hope if people like the looks of the recipe and don't understand how to execute it, they ask me for more detail.
As I was thinking about the whole idea of recipe creation, I realized that I depend on certain herbs and spices for certain cuisines. For example, when I want to cook something that tastes Italian, I use onions, garlic, basil, oregano and parsley. I may or may not use mushrooms, peppers and wine, but I almost always use what I would call the Italian five. The exceptions would be dish specific, as with Chicken Marsala, where the wine is the star of the dish, so no basil or oregano, or Chicken Cacciatore, where oregano would overtake the more subtle flavors of the dish.
When I want to cook something that tastes Oriental, I depend on onion, garlic, soy, ginger and sesame. There may or may not be wine or cashews or vinegar, but the Oriental five are a given. Peppers, cabbage, chilies are variables as are bean sprouts and water chestnuts and baby corn and mushrooms.
Mexican would always have onion, garlic, cumin, cilantro and cayenne. The Mexican five. Then there may be jalepeno's or hatch chilies or peppers or wine or vinegar or mesa or corn or beans or avocados.
You've probably noticed that everything has onion and garlic. It is a rare cooking event for me that doesn't involve onion and garlic.
So I'm kind of all excited about this new endeavor. I've been looking for something to get me excited, to help me feel like I'm helping someone, and this new recipe blog may be just thing.
Again, if I inundated you with notifications yesterday, I'm sorry. Today will be just as annoying as I clean up my backlog of recipes. Once I catch up, the volume will be reduced to once in a while.
If you see a recipe you like, but find the instructions too vague to follow, let me know and I will work with you to make them more clear.
Life is good! There is always a new adventure around the corner if you look for one! Food is a great platform for finding our common ground. Eat happy my friends!
It started on a whim. A friend of mine asked for supper ideas on Facebook. So I gave her a couple, and she said I should write a cookbook. Instead, I decided to set up a blog with my recipes. If you are interested, it is here: Recipes for the lazy cook.
Not all the recipes are really for lazy people, but most can be thrown together fairly easily. They use a lot of prepared foods, like canned meats and vegetables, and frozen vegetables. I'm also a big fan of the cleaned and chopped bags of vegetables in the produce section. We're not talking haute cuisine, we're talking finding how to put some variety in your after work meals.
I started by posting recipes that I had created in My Fitness Pal when I was trying to lose weight. I was amazed to notice that I had created eight pages of recipes! So just yesterday, I transferred fifteen of them. Some of them I didn't bother to transfer, as I thought they were simply too basic, but maybe, just maybe some people don't even know how to do the basic stuff, so I'll probably add them all.
I've made up more recipes since I stopped being so diligent on my diet and logging all my food. I'll start putting them on the blog after I get through all the My Fitness Pal recipes. I need to decide if I will create them in My Fitness Pal first, as doing so creates nutritional information. Creating recipes is something I have done my entire life. I don't know exactly when it started, probably when I was poor and depended on the ability to make tasty meals out of whatever I had on hand.
One of the shortcomings of the My Fitness Pal recipes is that there are just ingredients, no instructions. I'm having to go back and create the instructions, and the instructions are probably way too simple for the non-cook. I hope if people like the looks of the recipe and don't understand how to execute it, they ask me for more detail.
As I was thinking about the whole idea of recipe creation, I realized that I depend on certain herbs and spices for certain cuisines. For example, when I want to cook something that tastes Italian, I use onions, garlic, basil, oregano and parsley. I may or may not use mushrooms, peppers and wine, but I almost always use what I would call the Italian five. The exceptions would be dish specific, as with Chicken Marsala, where the wine is the star of the dish, so no basil or oregano, or Chicken Cacciatore, where oregano would overtake the more subtle flavors of the dish.
When I want to cook something that tastes Oriental, I depend on onion, garlic, soy, ginger and sesame. There may or may not be wine or cashews or vinegar, but the Oriental five are a given. Peppers, cabbage, chilies are variables as are bean sprouts and water chestnuts and baby corn and mushrooms.
Mexican would always have onion, garlic, cumin, cilantro and cayenne. The Mexican five. Then there may be jalepeno's or hatch chilies or peppers or wine or vinegar or mesa or corn or beans or avocados.
You've probably noticed that everything has onion and garlic. It is a rare cooking event for me that doesn't involve onion and garlic.
So I'm kind of all excited about this new endeavor. I've been looking for something to get me excited, to help me feel like I'm helping someone, and this new recipe blog may be just thing.
Again, if I inundated you with notifications yesterday, I'm sorry. Today will be just as annoying as I clean up my backlog of recipes. Once I catch up, the volume will be reduced to once in a while.
If you see a recipe you like, but find the instructions too vague to follow, let me know and I will work with you to make them more clear.
Life is good! There is always a new adventure around the corner if you look for one! Food is a great platform for finding our common ground. Eat happy my friends!
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Judgy McJudgerson
Thanks to my daughter for the title of this post. I don't know if she coined this phrase, but she certainly introduced me to it.
Judgy McJudgerson. We all know one, we all are one on occasion. Judgy McJudgerson is that person who can't help themselves, they have to decide they know something about someone they don't know and judge them for it.
Why are we all Judgy McJudgerson at one moment or another? What does judging other people do for us that we can't seem to help ourselves from indulging in the behavior?
Let's face it. We all do stupid, thoughtless stuff. We have all stopped short for no reason without thinking if someone is directly behind us. We all have left an empty tissue box, or paper towel roller, or (God forbid) an empty toilet paper roller. We have all finished the cereal, or the milk, or the cheese, or the bread, or the leftovers; without asking everyone impacted if they need that last little bit. Or we have left a crumb or a drop to say we didn't finish something. (That last one is kind of a deliberate jerky thing to do, but I doubt any child from a multi-child household didn't do that at least once.)
For those of us who drive, most of us have forgotten to turn our blinker on or off, changed lanes and cut someone off because we didn't see them in our blind spot, not realized that our lane was going to be a turn only lane and tried to get over at the last minute, or been driving too slow or too fast for the comfort of other drivers on the road.
Most of us have also been rude or unkind at one time or another. We may have behaved that way because we were distracted, or tired, or ill, or in pain, or maybe our normal didn't see our behavior as rude or unkind but the normal of the recipient of our actions did see our behavior as rude or unkind.
My point is, humans make mistakes. Yes, some humans participate in behavior with a cavalier disregard for others (humans, animals and the planet). Yes, some humans actively try to hurt others. Yes, some humans love to take advantage of others.
Judging won't change those people. Judging just makes Judgy McJudgerson hard to hang around with, and it makes life harder for Judgy McJudgerson.
It is really hard to know someone well enough to know their motivation without asking them and having them tell you. Sometimes, spouses or best friends or parents or children or siblings might have a clue about your motivation. But since we are all capricious (even those of us who think we are steady) that motivation changes with our mood and our overall health and the burdens life has placed upon us at any particular moment in time.
Choosing to be Judgy McJudgerson cultivates resentment, and anger, and despair and all kinds of negative emotions. Since mostly we can't know why someone took actions that are hurtful or greedy or dangerous, the best thing to do is make a note to self not to be that person, and if the person exhibits that pattern of harmful actions, to limit our exposure to that person.
The choice can be made to be Lovey McLoverson. When you see something that would normally make you judge, you can wish for the universe to heal what ails that person, or for the universe to open that person's eyes to the harm that they do. You still won't change them. But you can change you.
When you choose to be Lovey McLoverson, you will cultivate compassion, and acceptance and kindness and all kinds of positive emotions. The more you choose positive emotions, the more the patterns in your brain will gravitate towards positive emotions. The more positive emotions you generate, the happier you will be.
I know some people simply won't get how being Lovey McLoverson would be a good thing. They have been Judgy McJudgerson for so long, and it is so comfortable. Many Judgy McJudgerson's travel in packs where they have all exalted themselves into a cult of "Better than them". They see Lovey McLoversons as gullible and naive and exploited.
We all live in the world we notice and cultivate. Lovey McLoverson's live in a forgiving, nurturing world, where we get forgiveness when we make a mistake because we give forgiveness for other's mistakes. We know some people don't want, need or deserve forgiveness, but we understand forgiveness is a balm for the wound of the injured, not a weapon to punish those who inflict pain.
Judgy McJudgerson or Lovey McLoverson? We're all both sometimes, and somewhere on the continuum between the two most of the time. But I honestly believe the more I practice being Lovey McLoverson, the happier I will be.
Judgy McJudgerson. We all know one, we all are one on occasion. Judgy McJudgerson is that person who can't help themselves, they have to decide they know something about someone they don't know and judge them for it.
Why are we all Judgy McJudgerson at one moment or another? What does judging other people do for us that we can't seem to help ourselves from indulging in the behavior?
Let's face it. We all do stupid, thoughtless stuff. We have all stopped short for no reason without thinking if someone is directly behind us. We all have left an empty tissue box, or paper towel roller, or (God forbid) an empty toilet paper roller. We have all finished the cereal, or the milk, or the cheese, or the bread, or the leftovers; without asking everyone impacted if they need that last little bit. Or we have left a crumb or a drop to say we didn't finish something. (That last one is kind of a deliberate jerky thing to do, but I doubt any child from a multi-child household didn't do that at least once.)
For those of us who drive, most of us have forgotten to turn our blinker on or off, changed lanes and cut someone off because we didn't see them in our blind spot, not realized that our lane was going to be a turn only lane and tried to get over at the last minute, or been driving too slow or too fast for the comfort of other drivers on the road.
Most of us have also been rude or unkind at one time or another. We may have behaved that way because we were distracted, or tired, or ill, or in pain, or maybe our normal didn't see our behavior as rude or unkind but the normal of the recipient of our actions did see our behavior as rude or unkind.
My point is, humans make mistakes. Yes, some humans participate in behavior with a cavalier disregard for others (humans, animals and the planet). Yes, some humans actively try to hurt others. Yes, some humans love to take advantage of others.
Judging won't change those people. Judging just makes Judgy McJudgerson hard to hang around with, and it makes life harder for Judgy McJudgerson.
It is really hard to know someone well enough to know their motivation without asking them and having them tell you. Sometimes, spouses or best friends or parents or children or siblings might have a clue about your motivation. But since we are all capricious (even those of us who think we are steady) that motivation changes with our mood and our overall health and the burdens life has placed upon us at any particular moment in time.
Choosing to be Judgy McJudgerson cultivates resentment, and anger, and despair and all kinds of negative emotions. Since mostly we can't know why someone took actions that are hurtful or greedy or dangerous, the best thing to do is make a note to self not to be that person, and if the person exhibits that pattern of harmful actions, to limit our exposure to that person.
The choice can be made to be Lovey McLoverson. When you see something that would normally make you judge, you can wish for the universe to heal what ails that person, or for the universe to open that person's eyes to the harm that they do. You still won't change them. But you can change you.
When you choose to be Lovey McLoverson, you will cultivate compassion, and acceptance and kindness and all kinds of positive emotions. The more you choose positive emotions, the more the patterns in your brain will gravitate towards positive emotions. The more positive emotions you generate, the happier you will be.
I know some people simply won't get how being Lovey McLoverson would be a good thing. They have been Judgy McJudgerson for so long, and it is so comfortable. Many Judgy McJudgerson's travel in packs where they have all exalted themselves into a cult of "Better than them". They see Lovey McLoversons as gullible and naive and exploited.
We all live in the world we notice and cultivate. Lovey McLoverson's live in a forgiving, nurturing world, where we get forgiveness when we make a mistake because we give forgiveness for other's mistakes. We know some people don't want, need or deserve forgiveness, but we understand forgiveness is a balm for the wound of the injured, not a weapon to punish those who inflict pain.
Judgy McJudgerson or Lovey McLoverson? We're all both sometimes, and somewhere on the continuum between the two most of the time. But I honestly believe the more I practice being Lovey McLoverson, the happier I will be.
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Contribution
There is a lot of turmoil in the world, and social media has enhanced many peoples awareness of that turmoil. Where once upon a time if you didn't watch or listen to the news or read the papers, you didn't know, checking in to Facebook or Twitter or Instagram forces you to know.
Knowing that bad things are happening to people all over the world is sobering and saddening. For the compassionate, a feeling of helplessness can occur, as we see all this pain that we can do nothing about.
And that got me to thinking about the people who make great change. People like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X and John F. Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy and Gloria Steinham and Susan B. Anthony.
Those people made incredible sacrifices to be the agents of great change. Being the agent of great change has cost many people their lives. There is an important thing to remember about the people who attempt to make great change. One of the sacrifices they make is often the ability to make small change.
They simply can't foster an animal waiting for adoption, or make room for one more kitten or puppy in a multi-animal household. They rarely get to be classroom helpers (we called them class Mom's in my day), or chaperone field trips or coach children's sport teams. They often have a distance from their immediate families that is inevitable because of the time devoted to their cause. Their significant others have to pick up the slack, and often the change makers entirely sacrifice having children of their own.
The small change makers are what make it possible for the large change makers to do their work. Every homeless animal you foster or adopt, every child you nurture, every go fund me page you donate to, every artist you sponsor by buying their art, every kind word, every grocery order you cover when someone's card is declined, all these make a world worth fighting for.
Whenever you get discouraged that you are not doing enough, focus on what you are doing. Please never discount the value of a hug, or a smile, or a donation, however small.
A dear friend shared this quote on Facebook this week:
"It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, they send forth a tiny ripple of hope."
~ Robert F. Kennedy
The tiny ripples of hope that you are sending out are important. They are part of the fabric of the cosmos, weaving good into the bad, neutralizing anger with compassion, balancing hate with love.
We are all an important part of the tapestry of life. Your goodness, your kindness, your compassion are as important as the acts of the leaders of great change.
Never forget that without you, and your many acts of kindness, love and compassion, there wouldn't be a world worth saving.
So please. I know you get discouraged by all the negative things you see and hear. I know you feel like you need to do more to create a better world. I know that you are frustrated that you can't see the impact of the good that you do.
Believe me, the impact is there. You may never see it large, but as much as you can, work on seeing it small. See the animal safe, fed and content in your home. See the heart on a Facebook post that warmed another's soul. See the art on your wall or on your body that represents your support of an artist. Listen to the music that you purchased to support an artist. Read a book that you purchased to support an author. See the love on the faces of your family and nurture that love with your time and energy.
The universe is large, and not all of us are meant to leave a blazing trail for many to know and remember. That doesn't mean your trail is unimportant. The hardest thing to do is to keep on keeping on when the results are hard to see. That is life for most of us.
I want all reading this to know that everything you do that is good is necessary. You are helping balance the hurt and harm in the universe. And that is the most important work of all.
Knowing that bad things are happening to people all over the world is sobering and saddening. For the compassionate, a feeling of helplessness can occur, as we see all this pain that we can do nothing about.
And that got me to thinking about the people who make great change. People like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X and John F. Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy and Gloria Steinham and Susan B. Anthony.
Those people made incredible sacrifices to be the agents of great change. Being the agent of great change has cost many people their lives. There is an important thing to remember about the people who attempt to make great change. One of the sacrifices they make is often the ability to make small change.
They simply can't foster an animal waiting for adoption, or make room for one more kitten or puppy in a multi-animal household. They rarely get to be classroom helpers (we called them class Mom's in my day), or chaperone field trips or coach children's sport teams. They often have a distance from their immediate families that is inevitable because of the time devoted to their cause. Their significant others have to pick up the slack, and often the change makers entirely sacrifice having children of their own.
The small change makers are what make it possible for the large change makers to do their work. Every homeless animal you foster or adopt, every child you nurture, every go fund me page you donate to, every artist you sponsor by buying their art, every kind word, every grocery order you cover when someone's card is declined, all these make a world worth fighting for.
Whenever you get discouraged that you are not doing enough, focus on what you are doing. Please never discount the value of a hug, or a smile, or a donation, however small.
A dear friend shared this quote on Facebook this week:
"It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, they send forth a tiny ripple of hope."
~ Robert F. Kennedy
The tiny ripples of hope that you are sending out are important. They are part of the fabric of the cosmos, weaving good into the bad, neutralizing anger with compassion, balancing hate with love.
We are all an important part of the tapestry of life. Your goodness, your kindness, your compassion are as important as the acts of the leaders of great change.
Never forget that without you, and your many acts of kindness, love and compassion, there wouldn't be a world worth saving.
So please. I know you get discouraged by all the negative things you see and hear. I know you feel like you need to do more to create a better world. I know that you are frustrated that you can't see the impact of the good that you do.
Believe me, the impact is there. You may never see it large, but as much as you can, work on seeing it small. See the animal safe, fed and content in your home. See the heart on a Facebook post that warmed another's soul. See the art on your wall or on your body that represents your support of an artist. Listen to the music that you purchased to support an artist. Read a book that you purchased to support an author. See the love on the faces of your family and nurture that love with your time and energy.
The universe is large, and not all of us are meant to leave a blazing trail for many to know and remember. That doesn't mean your trail is unimportant. The hardest thing to do is to keep on keeping on when the results are hard to see. That is life for most of us.
I want all reading this to know that everything you do that is good is necessary. You are helping balance the hurt and harm in the universe. And that is the most important work of all.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Micro aggression
I read an interesting article this morning about micro aggression. For those of you not familiar with the term, micro aggression is defined as "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority."
I'm not a member of a marginalized group in a visible sort of way, but when I was a teenage mother, and when I was a single teenage mother, I got a taste of being identified on sight as "less than". I have also experienced feeling marginalized by my political non-conformance with my demographic peers.
So maybe, just maybe, I have no idea what I am talking about.
But I did deal with aggression and micro aggression in the workplace as a professional woman in an industry dominated by men. So maybe, just maybe, I do have an idea.
The question that was featured in the article on micro aggression that was used to illustrate how pervasive and destructive micro aggression is was the question "Where are you from?" When the author of the piece answered "New York", the response was "No, where are you really from?" The author interpreted this as trying to determine her ethnic and racial background.
My regular readers know that I would rather diffuse than confront, and my typical diffusion technique is humor or surprise. If someone asks where are you really from, what is wrong with responding, "Really, I came out of my mother's uterus through her vagina." That should shut down the probing. Or if you are uncomfortable with saying vagina to a stranger, how about "I am a gift from God to my parents" or "I am a child of the universe".
Or alternatively, the response could be at the onset, "New York, how about you? Where are you from?" If either of these tactics doesn't steer the conversation away from ethnic or racial discomfort, why not spin into a DNA discussion. "I really don't know, but I'm thinking of doing one of those DNA tests. Do you know anyone that has done one of those? Isn't science the greatest? Did you see where researchers in California think they will have a bionic kidney ready for human trials by the end of this year?"
All of the diversion answers have to be comfortable for the speaker, and have to feel natural and light hearted. If someone is comfortable with aggression, any behavior or words from you that appear to be aggressive in response will only help them justify their aggression. But responding with good humor, and innocence, can be diffusing.
Years ago I went out to lunch with two of my coworkers. We were a racially mixed group of three. The hostess pointedly ignored us at the restaurant, and we left. My non-white coworkers felt racially profiled. I just felt like the restaurant had terrible service and I would never go back. We were all correct in our assessments.
But I never forgot that incident. And I realized that many people live in a world where they are disregarded on a systemic basis because of their appearance.
We aren't going to change the world overnight. The people that think that ethnicity or race are determining characteristics are going to have to evolve to a better place because they want to. We can try to inspire them to see the world differently, but we can't make them.
But we can work harder at making ourselves more immune to their ignorance. We can diffuse their micro aggression with humor or with innocence, even if our innocence is contrived. Our individual power lies in our ability to allow others to own their ignorance and prejudice, and not take any ownership or responsibility for their issues.
Each of us is a child of the universe. A unique and wonderful gift to the people in our lives. As much as possible, protect yourself from those who would try to make you feel "less than". That is their failing.
When anyone seeks to see what is not beautiful or perfect in another, they miss the chance to see what is beautiful and perfect in that person.
The micro aggressor is the loser in the game of life. They are losing the opportunity to experience the wonderful gift that each person can be. Don't let their smallness dim your light. Shine on for all of us that celebrate you.
I'm not a member of a marginalized group in a visible sort of way, but when I was a teenage mother, and when I was a single teenage mother, I got a taste of being identified on sight as "less than". I have also experienced feeling marginalized by my political non-conformance with my demographic peers.
So maybe, just maybe, I have no idea what I am talking about.
But I did deal with aggression and micro aggression in the workplace as a professional woman in an industry dominated by men. So maybe, just maybe, I do have an idea.
The question that was featured in the article on micro aggression that was used to illustrate how pervasive and destructive micro aggression is was the question "Where are you from?" When the author of the piece answered "New York", the response was "No, where are you really from?" The author interpreted this as trying to determine her ethnic and racial background.
My regular readers know that I would rather diffuse than confront, and my typical diffusion technique is humor or surprise. If someone asks where are you really from, what is wrong with responding, "Really, I came out of my mother's uterus through her vagina." That should shut down the probing. Or if you are uncomfortable with saying vagina to a stranger, how about "I am a gift from God to my parents" or "I am a child of the universe".
Or alternatively, the response could be at the onset, "New York, how about you? Where are you from?" If either of these tactics doesn't steer the conversation away from ethnic or racial discomfort, why not spin into a DNA discussion. "I really don't know, but I'm thinking of doing one of those DNA tests. Do you know anyone that has done one of those? Isn't science the greatest? Did you see where researchers in California think they will have a bionic kidney ready for human trials by the end of this year?"
All of the diversion answers have to be comfortable for the speaker, and have to feel natural and light hearted. If someone is comfortable with aggression, any behavior or words from you that appear to be aggressive in response will only help them justify their aggression. But responding with good humor, and innocence, can be diffusing.
Years ago I went out to lunch with two of my coworkers. We were a racially mixed group of three. The hostess pointedly ignored us at the restaurant, and we left. My non-white coworkers felt racially profiled. I just felt like the restaurant had terrible service and I would never go back. We were all correct in our assessments.
But I never forgot that incident. And I realized that many people live in a world where they are disregarded on a systemic basis because of their appearance.
We aren't going to change the world overnight. The people that think that ethnicity or race are determining characteristics are going to have to evolve to a better place because they want to. We can try to inspire them to see the world differently, but we can't make them.
But we can work harder at making ourselves more immune to their ignorance. We can diffuse their micro aggression with humor or with innocence, even if our innocence is contrived. Our individual power lies in our ability to allow others to own their ignorance and prejudice, and not take any ownership or responsibility for their issues.
Each of us is a child of the universe. A unique and wonderful gift to the people in our lives. As much as possible, protect yourself from those who would try to make you feel "less than". That is their failing.
When anyone seeks to see what is not beautiful or perfect in another, they miss the chance to see what is beautiful and perfect in that person.
The micro aggressor is the loser in the game of life. They are losing the opportunity to experience the wonderful gift that each person can be. Don't let their smallness dim your light. Shine on for all of us that celebrate you.
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Propaganda
There is a temporary exhibit at the National World War II Museum, titled "State of Deception: The Power of Nazi Propaganda, a traveling exhibition from the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, DC." .
I sincerely wish that everyone in America could experience this exhibit. I believe, if the exhibit is viewed openly and honestly, it has the power to make an individual question everything that they see, read or hear in the media, the arts, and in entertainment.
At the beginning of the exhibit there is a poster:
The words on the poster really made me stop and think. How much information am I exposed to on a daily basis that is designed to shape my opinion and behavior?
How often is the information shared via newspapers, television, radio and the internet using truths, half-truths, or lies? I've posted before about each of us having our own truth based on the world that we have experienced. How does the information you are viewing impact your truth? Is it aligned with your truth? Does it refute your truth? Are you more inclined to be skeptical if the information is aligned with your truth or in opposition to your truth?
Is information selectively omitted? If you read or watch different sources, you get different pieces of information. Why is the source omitting certain pieces? What narrative are they trying reinforce? What truth do they want you to embrace as your own truth?
How simple or complex are the discussions on the issues? Simplicity is very attractive, but very little is simple. The more simplistic and one dimensional the discussion, the less likely it is honestly presenting the issue as it really exists.
Is the information being presented in a way devised to provoke an emotional response? Emotions are wonderful, they make life rich and textured. But they are also dangerous in that our emotions can readily be used to manipulate us. What does the presenter of the information have to gain by soliciting your anger, your fear or your compassion? Does the emotion provoked override your ability to run the information past your logic filter? Any time information is presented in such a way as to provoke an emotional response, it should be filed away until the emotion recedes and the matter can be reviewed logically.
Is there an agenda being supported by the way the information is presented? Is the information being shared designed to make you feel strongly for or against and issue, or a country, or a political party, or a group of people? Any information designed to convince you of anything should be a red flag for the possibility of propaganda.
Are you hearing or reading information that denigrates a group of people, rather than highlights the strengths of a group of people? Conversely is one or another group of people or a person presented as a savior? Are issues laid out clearly, in non-emotional language, or are they presented as A is good and B is bad? You are an intelligent thinking being. You are capable of sorting through facts and analyzing what is best for you in your situation, and how that differs from what may be best for others in different situations. Challenge what you hear and read that wants to convince you. Sort out the facts.
The last bullet point is the hardest. How do you know that the information has been tailored for your consumption, so that the propaganda has an insidious impact on your thinking?
I can only implore you to be vigilant.
I have heard many times, and wondered many times how the Holocaust could have occurred. I have wondered where the good people were. Why they failed to speak out. What I learned in the propaganda exhibit at the World War II Museum is that the skillful use of message, and messaging, and targeting can sway public opinion.
It is not that good people did not exist. Good people's fears and anger were exploited, and then their survival depended on looking away from the atrocities, or simply pretending the atrocities were not happening.
And it wasn't just the news that was shaping public opinion. It was movies and music, too. Films were called documentaries that were really fiction designed to shape public opinion.
I actually visited the exhibit twice, because I wanted to process what I had learned and then be exposed to it again. I came away after the second visit even more convinced that I am vulnerable to being influenced by a skilled propaganda campaign, and I believe we all are.
Any time too many voices want me to believe the same thing, any time someone uses emotions to try to convince me to see things their way, I need to make sure my defenses are in place, and my logic filter is robust.
Propaganda is real. It is not a tool that was once used that is now defunct. Skilled propagandists shape your opinions, your truth and your reality without your knowledge if you let your guard down.
Be vigilant. Be skeptical. Our humanity depends on us doing that.
I sincerely wish that everyone in America could experience this exhibit. I believe, if the exhibit is viewed openly and honestly, it has the power to make an individual question everything that they see, read or hear in the media, the arts, and in entertainment.
At the beginning of the exhibit there is a poster:
The words on the poster really made me stop and think. How much information am I exposed to on a daily basis that is designed to shape my opinion and behavior?
How often is the information shared via newspapers, television, radio and the internet using truths, half-truths, or lies? I've posted before about each of us having our own truth based on the world that we have experienced. How does the information you are viewing impact your truth? Is it aligned with your truth? Does it refute your truth? Are you more inclined to be skeptical if the information is aligned with your truth or in opposition to your truth?
Is information selectively omitted? If you read or watch different sources, you get different pieces of information. Why is the source omitting certain pieces? What narrative are they trying reinforce? What truth do they want you to embrace as your own truth?
How simple or complex are the discussions on the issues? Simplicity is very attractive, but very little is simple. The more simplistic and one dimensional the discussion, the less likely it is honestly presenting the issue as it really exists.
Is the information being presented in a way devised to provoke an emotional response? Emotions are wonderful, they make life rich and textured. But they are also dangerous in that our emotions can readily be used to manipulate us. What does the presenter of the information have to gain by soliciting your anger, your fear or your compassion? Does the emotion provoked override your ability to run the information past your logic filter? Any time information is presented in such a way as to provoke an emotional response, it should be filed away until the emotion recedes and the matter can be reviewed logically.
Is there an agenda being supported by the way the information is presented? Is the information being shared designed to make you feel strongly for or against and issue, or a country, or a political party, or a group of people? Any information designed to convince you of anything should be a red flag for the possibility of propaganda.
Are you hearing or reading information that denigrates a group of people, rather than highlights the strengths of a group of people? Conversely is one or another group of people or a person presented as a savior? Are issues laid out clearly, in non-emotional language, or are they presented as A is good and B is bad? You are an intelligent thinking being. You are capable of sorting through facts and analyzing what is best for you in your situation, and how that differs from what may be best for others in different situations. Challenge what you hear and read that wants to convince you. Sort out the facts.
The last bullet point is the hardest. How do you know that the information has been tailored for your consumption, so that the propaganda has an insidious impact on your thinking?
I can only implore you to be vigilant.
I have heard many times, and wondered many times how the Holocaust could have occurred. I have wondered where the good people were. Why they failed to speak out. What I learned in the propaganda exhibit at the World War II Museum is that the skillful use of message, and messaging, and targeting can sway public opinion.
It is not that good people did not exist. Good people's fears and anger were exploited, and then their survival depended on looking away from the atrocities, or simply pretending the atrocities were not happening.
And it wasn't just the news that was shaping public opinion. It was movies and music, too. Films were called documentaries that were really fiction designed to shape public opinion.
I actually visited the exhibit twice, because I wanted to process what I had learned and then be exposed to it again. I came away after the second visit even more convinced that I am vulnerable to being influenced by a skilled propaganda campaign, and I believe we all are.
Any time too many voices want me to believe the same thing, any time someone uses emotions to try to convince me to see things their way, I need to make sure my defenses are in place, and my logic filter is robust.
Propaganda is real. It is not a tool that was once used that is now defunct. Skilled propagandists shape your opinions, your truth and your reality without your knowledge if you let your guard down.
Be vigilant. Be skeptical. Our humanity depends on us doing that.
Thursday, June 1, 2017
Bouncing Thoughts
This morning on the radio, a caller asserted there is no such thing as global warming or climate change because he learned in fourth grade that there was a climate cycle on planet Earth and what we are observing is simply part of that cycle.
I wanted to ask him if he believes that cell phones exist. Because since he said that he was in fourth grade sixty years ago, and if climate change was real he would have learned about it, then he would have learned about cell phones if they were real.
How can people live in the world where the impossible becomes reality through technology on a daily basis think that scientists don't know more than they do?
A shock comedian did a terrible thing, creating and publishing a gruesome photograph involving a mask of the severed head of a human. I haven't heard anyone support her action. But I hear and read people saying that other gruesome photographs existed involving other humans and no one cared.
I think when you only spend time with people who think like you that it is easy to drift further and further into unacceptable behavior and actions, as long as the group think isn't disturbed. The acceptable boundaries continue to expand since hatred is what you have in common in your group. The hatred allows a degradation of individual humanity, until inhumane behavior and acts feel acceptable. When someone outside the group sees the behavior or action, they can still recognize how wrong it is, but the self supporting insular group loses the ability to see that.
The publication of the photos of Uday and Qusay Hussein's dead bodies is a great example of how hatred erodes our humanity. All of us should have been as appalled at those pictures being published as we are when our enemies publish pictures of our dead, but many cheered instead of being horrified.
The sad thing is that in America, many humans seem to be offended by the horrific only if they like or care about the victim. The United Nations estimates that around 5000 Syrians are dying every month, and yet most Americans do not want to offer refuge to Syrians. However, we will mourn and tweet and turn our Facebook pages into a Union Jack because 20 people in Great Britain died leaving a concert.
I don't think it is wrong that we mourn those innocent victims. I just mourn that we don't mourn all innocent victims.
What in the world does that have to do with whether or not a guy calling the radio believes in climate change or not?
I believe that the very same voices that work to erode our humanity also work to erode our logic. One time, a long time ago, a friend of mine said about another friend of mine, "He thinks he is so smart." The "he" in question has a doctorate in geophysics. I replied, "He doesn't 'think' he is so smart, he IS so smart". My friend had a voice inside her head that told her that she was just as smart as "he" was, so had no reason to believe he was correct. Reality was that he had much more knowledge, understanding and analytical ability, and would never argue for the sake of argument. If he corrected someone, it was out of a sincere desire to educate them to the facts. Laid back, easy-going guy, but hated to see ignorance persist if he had a shot at correcting the situation. He eventually gave up on my friend, and realized she preferred ignorance to having her beliefs challenged.
I think all humans can be like my friend. None of us like to have our beliefs challenged. But if no one ever challenged the status quo, no progress would be made. George Bernard Shaw said, "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
I want to be the unreasonable man. I want the world to get better, so I have to persist in trying to make it better.
Reasonable people believe what they hear, they go along and get along. When we do that, when we are reasonable, we face the very real danger of following a crowd until we lose our humanity, and our ability to see the difference between right and wrong.
Be unreasonable. Challenge the crowd. Hold yourself accountable to a higher ethical and moral standard.
People will scoff. They will mock. Persist. Our collective humanity depends on each of us fighting to keep our individual humanity intact. And if we lose our humanity, we have lost everything.
I wanted to ask him if he believes that cell phones exist. Because since he said that he was in fourth grade sixty years ago, and if climate change was real he would have learned about it, then he would have learned about cell phones if they were real.
How can people live in the world where the impossible becomes reality through technology on a daily basis think that scientists don't know more than they do?
A shock comedian did a terrible thing, creating and publishing a gruesome photograph involving a mask of the severed head of a human. I haven't heard anyone support her action. But I hear and read people saying that other gruesome photographs existed involving other humans and no one cared.
I think when you only spend time with people who think like you that it is easy to drift further and further into unacceptable behavior and actions, as long as the group think isn't disturbed. The acceptable boundaries continue to expand since hatred is what you have in common in your group. The hatred allows a degradation of individual humanity, until inhumane behavior and acts feel acceptable. When someone outside the group sees the behavior or action, they can still recognize how wrong it is, but the self supporting insular group loses the ability to see that.
The publication of the photos of Uday and Qusay Hussein's dead bodies is a great example of how hatred erodes our humanity. All of us should have been as appalled at those pictures being published as we are when our enemies publish pictures of our dead, but many cheered instead of being horrified.
The sad thing is that in America, many humans seem to be offended by the horrific only if they like or care about the victim. The United Nations estimates that around 5000 Syrians are dying every month, and yet most Americans do not want to offer refuge to Syrians. However, we will mourn and tweet and turn our Facebook pages into a Union Jack because 20 people in Great Britain died leaving a concert.
I don't think it is wrong that we mourn those innocent victims. I just mourn that we don't mourn all innocent victims.
What in the world does that have to do with whether or not a guy calling the radio believes in climate change or not?
I believe that the very same voices that work to erode our humanity also work to erode our logic. One time, a long time ago, a friend of mine said about another friend of mine, "He thinks he is so smart." The "he" in question has a doctorate in geophysics. I replied, "He doesn't 'think' he is so smart, he IS so smart". My friend had a voice inside her head that told her that she was just as smart as "he" was, so had no reason to believe he was correct. Reality was that he had much more knowledge, understanding and analytical ability, and would never argue for the sake of argument. If he corrected someone, it was out of a sincere desire to educate them to the facts. Laid back, easy-going guy, but hated to see ignorance persist if he had a shot at correcting the situation. He eventually gave up on my friend, and realized she preferred ignorance to having her beliefs challenged.
I think all humans can be like my friend. None of us like to have our beliefs challenged. But if no one ever challenged the status quo, no progress would be made. George Bernard Shaw said, "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
I want to be the unreasonable man. I want the world to get better, so I have to persist in trying to make it better.
Reasonable people believe what they hear, they go along and get along. When we do that, when we are reasonable, we face the very real danger of following a crowd until we lose our humanity, and our ability to see the difference between right and wrong.
Be unreasonable. Challenge the crowd. Hold yourself accountable to a higher ethical and moral standard.
People will scoff. They will mock. Persist. Our collective humanity depends on each of us fighting to keep our individual humanity intact. And if we lose our humanity, we have lost everything.
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