In my last post, I talked about the monster within each of us. We all have a less than our best persona who resides in us. For many of us, we spend our entire lives trying to subdue the monster, trying to be the best we can be.
I know some people who I simply can't imagine having a monster within. All I have ever seen from them is kindness and compassion. But when you invest in people, when you listen, when you really get to know them, everyone is fighting a monster within.
What is most surprising, is many people's monster is a fearful, mean voice directed internally. Many of us have an internal voice that is hostile, derogatory and demeaning. For many of us, this internal voice that we direct at ourselves we would never direct at another human being. This is a monster we simply have to stop feeding.
In the bestseller "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett, Aibileen tells the child she cares for, Mae Mobley, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important.". Aibileen understood something very important. We can teach the voice in our heads to be positive and uplifting, or we can allow the voice in our head to be mean and derogatory.
Where does this voice in our heads come from? Does it come from some authority figure that we could never please? Does it come from the daily struggles of overcoming disappointment and failure? Does it come from the insecure place that most of us have that tells us we are not good enough?
It doesn't matter where it comes from. If you stop feeding the beast, if you tell the mean voice in your head to stop talking, and practice a self-affirming mantra instead, you can weaken, and eventually kill, the beast.
The first step is to find your mantra. When you are about to tackle a project, and the voice in your head says, "What makes you think you can do that? You've never tried anything that complicated before. You're going to make a mess and everyone will know you are a big fraud with no talent or skill."; you can't start arguing with the voice. You need a calm and practiced response. The mantra has to be simple.
"I am good. I am kind. I am important." is a great mantra. "I'm smart. I've accomplished great things. I never give up." is another good one. It needs to be short. It needs to be repeated often. You need to believe it.
As a leader, your self doubt and negative self speak can have a demoralizing impact on your team. You have to be your best support system, your best cheerleader. You can't let the monster within steal your confidence or your optimism. Find your mantra. Believe your mantra. Don't feed the beast.
No comments:
Post a Comment