When No One's Watching

There is a great book by E. Scott Geller titled "When No One's Watching".

It is all about self-motivation, and creating successful interpersonal interactions, both at work and at home.

The major idea in the book is that what a person does when no one's watching is the true indicator of what behavior they are motivated to perform.

I really liked the book and the message in the book, but there is a difference in my worldview and the one presented in the book.

In my worldview, someone is always watching.  I have a profound belief in a higher power.  I call my higher power God.  And I appreciate other people have other names for their higher power.  And I believe, whatever you call it, there is a governing force that sees all actions, both good and evil.

That belief is what guides me now, and has guided me always.

I believe that all my actions are seen. I believe that all my actions have consequences.  I believe every action I choose to take increases the good in the universe, or decreases it.  I believe that every action I take puts more love in the world, or decreases the love available.

This belief has made me try very hard to live a life that brings more good.  I don't always succeed.  I do a better job of not responding inappropriately on social media than I do in conversation.  That seems to be the opposite of many people.

I worked with a man who was quite a bit older than me, who had a habit of being mean to people.  He often pretended to be joking, but his words were hurtful and destructive all the same.  For years, I struggled with his behavior and how to intervene without making the situation worse.

One day I had an inspiration.  After he had said something mean about someone, I simply said, "You know your mother raised you better than that."  He turned bright red and walked away.

From that point on, whenever he engaged in meanness in front of me, I always said the same thing, "You know your mother raised you better than that."  It always stopped him.  And after a while, he monitored his behavior in my presence.

If what you are doing or saying would embarrass your mother or father, your sister or brother, your son or your daughter, such that you would not do it if they were watching, shouldn't you self monitor and behave differently?

And they all see your posts on social media.

Listening to the news, and to political discourse, and to social media conversations, there seems to be an endless appetite for argument, for criticism, for anger, for meanness, for hate.

But to counter that, there are countless websites and news segments dedicated to good news stories, to examples of people at their best.

GoFundMe campaigns to help people who need help.  CaringBridge pages.  There is a lot of good out there to observe.

So, which sites do you visit when no one's watching?  Do you click on the hyperlinks that feed your anger and discontent?  Or do you click on the hyperlinks that restore your faith that people really are basically good at heart?

As you read and observe, you are influenced.  Making the conscious choice to seek the good, to be the good, no matter if no one, or everyone is watching is a minute by minute choice we all make every day.

The more you choose to support positive interactions, compassion, and compromise, the more that choice is demonstrated as a possible choice to all who are watching you.

You may be called naive.  You may be called delusional.  You may be called worse names than that.

But that doesn't really matter.

Because when you choose to be the good, when you choose to add more hope, when you choose to celebrate compassion, and inclusion, and forgiveness; you are making the world a better place.

And that can never be taken away from you.

And it still adds all the good even when no one's watching.