Crazy Thinking

So, over the course of 2015, I picked up 10 extra pounds.  Not all at once, slowly, so it was hardly noticeable.

But when my husband and I got home from our Anniversary trip last week, I decided enough was enough.  Those 10 pounds have to go, before they get comfortable, or worse, turn into 20 pounds.

Now some of you reading this may think this is extreme, so I'll give you the rest of the story.  In 2012, I was 45 pounds over the top weight two different doctors had told me was healthy for my body.  I have advanced degenerative arthritis in my left knee, and the orthopedic surgeon I consulted advised me to carry the lowest healthy body weight I can achieve to prolong the use of the knee prior to joint replacement.  When I was at my heaviest weight, I had high cholesterol, and was flirting with high blood pressure, and elevated blood sugar, and my knee hurt all the time.

So, I joined a program called Weight No More, and lost 50 pounds.  Once I lost the weight, all my numbers were in the normal range again, and my knee only hurts occasionally.  I promised myself I would never let my weight get out of control again. So, I made a control chart limit, and I reached it.

I started logging my food and exercise again on February 18.  I weigh every day, but only record my weight once a week.  On February 25, I was down 4 pounds.

Now here is where the crazy thinking comes in.  As soon as I finish eating one meal, I start obsessing on my next meal.  I am thinking about food all the time.  It is destroying my ability to focus on anything else.

On a normal day, I think about food a lot anyway, but this is ridiculous! If I try to read, all I notice is what the characters are eating and drinking in my book.  If I watch television - the commercials kill me.  Do we advertise anything without using food and drink?

It feels like the discipline I use to keep from eating and drinking foods I shouldn't eat and drink is robbing my ability to discipline myself to do anything else.

I know this will pass.  I know that the habit of eating the correct amount to maintain the proper weight will become normal again.  But in the meantime, I have to find a way to corral my crazy thinking.

Right now, I think that crochet is the answer.  Because you can't eat when you crochet.  It makes the product dirty.  And the piece I am working on right now is really complex, and takes concentration.

But I wanted to finish my novella by March.  Working on it is not working to distract me from thinking about food.  So, I decided the end of March is good.

I will make the changes I need to make to get my weight back in the healthy range again.

But this experience has me thinking about thinking, and controlling crazy thinking.  And I realized it is really hard to stop yourself when you are crazy thinking if you didn't make a plan when you weren't crazy thinking.

So, here is my advice for the day.  Make a list of things you can do to not think when crazy thinking takes over.  Doesn't matter what it is.  Binge TV, making or listening to music, reading, crafts, exercise, puzzles, games, shopping; it really doesn't matter.  Just have a "go-to" list so that when crazy thinking starts to derail you from your goals, you don't have to figure out what to do to stop the crazy thinking, you KNOW what to do to control the crazy thinking.

First you think, than you act.   Thinking about doing things you don't want to do, or can't have, is a waste of precious time.  (NOTE:  Remembering things and thinking about things are not the same.)  If you have a pre-planned list of activities to distract you from crazy thinking that will lead you to behaviors you do not want to participate in, half the battle is won.

All my regular readers know I am all about creating and maintaining the illusion of control.  I can control my thoughts, I just have to have a plan for how to do that.  Now that I have a plan, I just have to execute my plan.

Wish me luck!  I'll be sure to post a picture of my finished crochet project, as it will now not just represent my creative self, but my salvation from crazy thinking.