How can you hate someone you don't know?

Language is important.  Words are important.  And the careless use of language has consequences.

I often hear people say that they hate someone.  A politician.  An athlete.  An actor.  A singer.  A stranger.

How can you hate someone you don't know?

Hate is a very strong word.  Actually, I don't think anyone should hate anyone.  It is a destructive, soul-damaging emotion.

But even if you back off from hate to I don't like someone, the question is still legitimate.  How can you not like someone you don't know?

Maybe you don't like a certain behavior, or a political or religious belief, or an opinion, or the way they speak to people.

But I'll bet there is someone in your life you you love deeply and irrevocably, who has participated in certain behavior that you didn't like.  And who you have disagreed with on a political or religious belief, or had a difference of opinion with, or objected to the way they spoke with someone.

When we allow the imperfect and fragmented view of a person to form our opinion of the entire person, we diminish ourselves.

And I'm not sure if the problem is really not liking or hating an individual, or just being lazy in our speech about how we refer to them.

But that laziness in speech, those careless words, have power.  Any time the word hate is injected into a conversation, it reverberates.  It echoes.  It carries past the conversation.

There is so much rancor in the press and social media.  So much denigration of individuals and so many personal attacks, it makes it feel normal to attack a person, instead of debate an idea.

I am totally embracing of statements like "I don't agree with football players celebrating every first down.  I think it is immature," but not of, "I hate that showoff,"  Can you hear the difference?

The football player who exuberantly celebrates on the field might be the nicest, most charitable, most caring person that ever lived.  But who has a hard time maintaining emotional control during the heat of competition.

I am totally embracing of statements like "I think that foreign policy decision will be bad for my country because it diminishes our reputation for diplomacy,"  but not of, "That politician is an idiot and I hate how she makes my country look bad."

Lots of smart people will believe differently than you do.  That doesn't make them idiots.  And name calling doesn't allow for conversation so that you can understand the perspective of another.

It seems that many people, especially in the United States, have gotten very comfortable with name-calling, with labeling, with hating.

This disturbs me and make me sad.

Good people and great nations are those that value every individual, and every opinion.  Good people and great nations value honest debate and examination of ideas and ideals.  Good people and great nations do not believe that might makes right and the loudest voice is the only important voice in the conversation.  Good people and great nations recognize that compromise and diplomacy generate growth and promote inclusion.  Good people and great nations believe in the common good, and in the inherent dignity of all people.

If we are ever going to live in a harmonious world, we have to start listening to what we say more carefully.   You really can't hate, or even dislike, someone you don't know.  You can feel strongly about the behaviors and opinions and actions that they show you, but that is in imperfect picture.

And when you speak out against ideas and ideals, instead of against people, you have to define your position more clearly and vigorously.

And that is important.  Because if you are going to be an agent for making the world a better place, you have to be able to paint a picture of that world that is clear and focused.

The picture is empty if all you can say is who won't be allowed in your world.

The clear picture is a statement of the actions, behaviors, attitudes and demeanor that are the hallmarks of your world.

And that picture has room for everyone, even those whose actions, behaviors, attitudes and demeanors will be corrected by the majority who no longer finds those things acceptable.

Words matter.  Be careful with broad use of the word hate.  Think carefully before you decide to say you dislike someone.  Focus on the ideas and the ideals.  Those are static.  People can change.  But someone you hate, or even dislike, has no reason to want to.