Vacation

I got home yesterday from a brief vacation on the Gulf Coast of the United States.  A couple of days in Mississippi, a couple of days in Florida.  I love being on the water.

I didn't write a blog post, and I didn't work on my stories.  I did do a bit of crochet work.

But mostly, I read, I walked, I watched football and basketball, and I hung out with my husband.

Before we left, I pictured myself inspired by the beach, writing furiously as ideas battled to make their way onto paper (well, digital paper or whatever you actually call this medium).

Instead, my muse was silent.  I was an empty vessel, needing to be filled up again.

As I approach this new career of mine as writer and blogger, I'm learning it is much more difficult than the old work-a-day world that I used to have a career in.

In that world, there was always a stimulus that demanded a response.  There was email to answer, tasks to complete, budgets to measure against, employees to coach and counsel, projects with deadlines, managers needing answers, events to be investigated.

I'm trying to create similar stimuli in this new career space, but I'm finding it a challenge.  There is no consequence for failing to perform, and little extrinsic reward for success.

So, I am entirely dependent on myself, and my intrinsic motivators to create on a daily basis.  And self-motivation is energy and time consuming.

You see, there are other things that I can spend my time on that have immediate short-term rewards.  I can clean my house, and it immediately looks better.

I can do laundry - a reward in and of itself.

I can play with my dogs - again self-rewarding.

I can cook - no explanation necessary for that one.

What I'm trying to learn is how to balance the long-term satisfaction of making this new career work with the short-term satisfaction of doing other extrinsically rewarding things.

I've also discovered that when I write stories, my characters, much like the real people in my life, don't always want to do the things I pictured them doing.  And then I have to figure out how to rework my story so that my characters stay true to themselves.   It feels a lot like reality and not fiction inside my head.

And all this leads to growth for me, and a better understanding of the pros and cons of self-direction.

And I appreciate how hard the artists work to bring us their art.

And I understand that sometimes you have to be silent, both in word and in print, to hear your own inspirational voice.

So, the vacation was good.  I think I have more gas in my tank and more ink in my pen.

I hope my characters are ready for action, because I am ready to write.