The amalgam of my many selves

Most of us are an amalgam of our many selves.  We carry pieces of our child self, our adolescent self, our young adult self, our mature self.

We are child, parent, spouse, friend, employee, boss, colleague, sibling, cousin, grandchild, acquaintance.

We are weak and strong.  We are informed and ignorant.  We are hopeful and hopeless.

At times, in reflection, it is all too easy to see the imperfections in our many selves, and to dwell on them.  To do this occasionally, and carefully, is not a terrible thing, because when we see our own imperfections, we can seek to correct them.

The more we reflect on the imperfections of the past, the more we can become our best present self, so to that end, reflection is good.  What can be damaging is when we punish our present self for the mistakes of our past selves.  Fix what you can, leave the rest behind.

One of the things that I believe is that when we grieve, we grieve not just for the person we lost, but the self we lost when they left our lives.

I remember how profoundly I felt this when my dad died.  I would always be George's daughter, but I would never feel the very special love and acceptance I got from my dad ever again.  That self, that George's daughter self no longer had the person that made me that self.

That probably sounds incredibly selfish to some, and maybe I am the only person that ever felt that way.  But when I miss the people I have lost, I miss not just them, but who I was when I was in their presence.

So appreciate the many selves that make you who you are, and the people that make you that self.   Appreciate the uniqueness of all your relationships, and treasure that uniqueness.

We are all here for a very short time.  We will all experience loss.  We will see the best of ourselves, and the worst of ourselves manifest with different people in different relationships.

Choose to nurture the relationships that bring our your best self.  Treasure the relationships that you have, and the unique nature of each.

If you have ever grieved a sense of loss of self when you have lost a loved one, know that I have experienced that grief as well.

We are all an amalgam of many selves.  That is what makes life so very rich and wonderful, but it is also what makes life so very hard sometimes.

My wish for you is a powerful sense of self.  One that will survive all the inevitable losses, and will continue to grow towards the best self you can be.