So, as my husband and I were walking the other day, there were two children playing in the grass alongside the walking/jogging path. Their mother was a few feet away. We were walking at a brisk pace, not race pace, but a pretty good clip.
Just as we got near the children, they stepped on the path directly in front of us. We both had to dodge pretty quickly so as to not bowl them over, and the mother quickly began to admonish them.
If I had not been paying attention, and thinking about what could happen, and that children are always unpredictable, one of those children could have been bumped into and hurt. Had I been running, I might not have been able to prevent running into them. And the thought of them stepping directly in front of a speeding bicycle is terrifying.
And that is when the thought occurred. Why do so many people choose correction over direction?
It would have been easy for the mother to direct her children before taking them out to play. Something like this. There is a running/walking path, and a bike path on the levee. You can play freely in the grass, but when crossing the paths you need to look both ways just like you would to cross a street. And then add, if you are careless and cross the paths without looking, we are going to go back home, and you will get a chance to play on the levee another day.
Isn't that better than yelling at your children after they make a mistake? Do people honestly not understand that kids don't know better unless someone tells them?
The world is a big, scary confusing place for grown-ups, and even more so for children. So giving good directions, providing parameters and context seems to me to be a good idea.
And grown-ups benefit from directions just like children, but they have to be delivered differently, because most grown-ups don't like being told what to do.
But things like, I'm going to be concentrating on balancing the checkbook, so if you talk to me I may sound irritable. Or, I'm going to call my sister, I'll be on the phone for at least an hour, do you need anything before I call her?
And the even more important stuff, like I'm really not human until after my first cup of coffee, or every year on my dad's birthday I get weepy and it's not your fault.
So much conflict and misunderstanding can be avoided by communication. But first you have to understand yourself well enough to know what to communicate.
No one likes to be corrected. It always feels like you messed up when someone has to correct you. Providing directions, and making sure they are understood can prevent people feeling less than. And anytime you can prevent someone feeling less than you have done a good thing.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Another Year
2015 is coming to a close, and I'm glad. It has not been my favorite year. I'm hoping 2016 will be better, not just for me, but for lots of the people I care about. There hasn't been any personal tragedy for me in 2015, more unexpected, unsettling events. But tragedy has visited many of those I love.
I was listening to the radio the other morning, and the host was expressing how much she loves the New Year holiday. She shared that she always experiences great hopefulness, and a sense of renewal as a New Year dawns.
Me too. As the current year draws to a close, I am always excited about the opportunities the New Year will bring. I always see the next year as the best year yet.
Sometimes, it doesn't work out that way, but I'm still filled with this hopefulness and excitement as the old year closes and the New Year begins.
Even though 2015 has not been my favorite year, there have been some amazing moments in this year that I will treasure.
I crate trained my dogs. And got them used to their car seats.
I finally got a pool. I love it as much as I thought I would.
I got to spend the day with a baby - without his mom and dad. (Thanks Jen and Jim)
I finally went sub 11:00 minutes a mile in a two mile and three mile race.
I walked over 1500 miles.
I rediscovered my love of crochet.
I started a blog.
I started writing two novels and a novella. (Finishing will be big in 2016)
I had a great visit with my daughter and son-in-law, and got to see them in January, April, June and August.
I got to visit my husband's family five times.
I did a better job of calling my friends and family than I did while working.
I saw a group of friends that I hadn't seen in years in December.
My husband and I finished a half-marathon together as the first place male and female racewalkers.
Forcing myself to think about and acknowledge the good in 2015 helps balance out the not good.
The life you have is the life you notice. I'm rededicating myself to seeing the good in 2016, and to savoring it.
Every day offers the opportunity to choose to see the positive, the good. Every day offers the opportunity to be a change agent for the good.
2016 will be my year to shine.
I was listening to the radio the other morning, and the host was expressing how much she loves the New Year holiday. She shared that she always experiences great hopefulness, and a sense of renewal as a New Year dawns.
Me too. As the current year draws to a close, I am always excited about the opportunities the New Year will bring. I always see the next year as the best year yet.
Sometimes, it doesn't work out that way, but I'm still filled with this hopefulness and excitement as the old year closes and the New Year begins.
Even though 2015 has not been my favorite year, there have been some amazing moments in this year that I will treasure.
I crate trained my dogs. And got them used to their car seats.
I finally got a pool. I love it as much as I thought I would.
I got to spend the day with a baby - without his mom and dad. (Thanks Jen and Jim)
I finally went sub 11:00 minutes a mile in a two mile and three mile race.
I walked over 1500 miles.
I rediscovered my love of crochet.
I started a blog.
I started writing two novels and a novella. (Finishing will be big in 2016)
I had a great visit with my daughter and son-in-law, and got to see them in January, April, June and August.
I got to visit my husband's family five times.
I did a better job of calling my friends and family than I did while working.
I saw a group of friends that I hadn't seen in years in December.
My husband and I finished a half-marathon together as the first place male and female racewalkers.
Forcing myself to think about and acknowledge the good in 2015 helps balance out the not good.
The life you have is the life you notice. I'm rededicating myself to seeing the good in 2016, and to savoring it.
Every day offers the opportunity to choose to see the positive, the good. Every day offers the opportunity to be a change agent for the good.
2016 will be my year to shine.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
What the data shows
I apologize in advance for the messy formatting. I just couldn't figure out how to fix it.
Most people have been conditioned to believe that data can always be manipulated to tell the story that you want to tell, and in some ways that is true. So, if you choose to discard or disbelieve the data in this article, I'm fine with that. But sometimes, I just need to say my piece.
Police Officer Deaths in the Line of Duty:
Civilian deaths at the hands of police:
We have a police problem in the United States. While one death of a police officer in the line of duty is indeed one too many, I'm having a hard time with the idea that 1186 deaths of civilians is not one too many as well.
I truly believe that most police officers are good people who try every shift to serve and protect the public. But something has gone awry.
I believe part of the problem is the proliferation of guns in America, and the glorification of the gun culture. Shoot first, ask questions later. Shoot, they may be armed. Open carry, who can tell the good guys from the bad guys.
I also believe part of the problem is institutionalized racism. #BlackLivesMatter. This movement is necessary because too many people in America see brown or black skin and think that informs them about the person they are observing.
I know pointing out a problem without proposing a solution is just whining.
We need to fix this. Every police officer should not approach every shift as if this is the day they will have to kill or be killed. There is a huge difference between knowing when to use deadly force and using deadly force.
People of color should not have to fear for their and their children's lives every time they leave the house.
The police should be overwhelmingly viewed as part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Guns have a place, but they are out of control, and automatic and semi-automatic weapons should only be in the hands of the military.
Unfortunately, most of the response to the mess we are in is to shout at each other, instead of work together toward common sense solutions.
More people are afraid of terrorists than police, their family, or their neighbors; but in America, it is far more likely you will be killed by the police, or a family member, or a neighbor than a terrorist.
We all need to stop allowing ourselves to be whipped up emotionally to fear things that are not probable, and instead use that emotional energy to solve some of the real problems we face.
Yes, it will take money. I'd rather pay more taxes for better trained police than continue to watch the carnage.
We need better education, and more jobs. Working on America's crumbling infrastructure will go a long way to reducing poverty, and creating opportunity.
People need hope. Education and jobs provide hope. Police need training. We can fix this. But enough of us have to care to fix it to get the process started.
Most people have been conditioned to believe that data can always be manipulated to tell the story that you want to tell, and in some ways that is true. So, if you choose to discard or disbelieve the data in this article, I'm fine with that. But sometimes, I just need to say my piece.
Police Officer Deaths in the Line of Duty:
Causes of Law Enforcement Deaths
Over the Past Decade (2005-2014)
| 2005 | 2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | Total | |
| Aircraft Accident | 2 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 22 |
| Auto Crash | 43 | 46 | 61 | 44 | 39 | 51 | 44 | 26 | 28 | 32 | 414 |
| Beaten | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 8 |
| Bicycle Accident | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 |
| Boating Accident | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 |
| Bomb-Related Incident | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 4 |
| Drowned | 4 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 21 |
| Electrocuted | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 3 |
| Fall | 4 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 6 | 0 | 22 |
| Fire-Related Incident | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Horse-Related Accident | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Job-Related Illness | 24 | 21 | 20 | 24 | 18 | 21 | 20 | 11 | 16 | 18 | 193 |
| Motorcycle Crash | 5 | 11 | 10 | 9 | 3 | 6 | 5 | 8 | 5 | 6 | 68 |
| Poisoned | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Shot | 60 | 54 | 70 | 41 | 50 | 60 | 73 | 50 | 33 | 48 | 539 |
| Stabbed | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 13 |
| Strangled | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 |
| Struck by Falling Object | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 |
| Struck by Train | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 |
| Struck by Vehicle | 16 | 16 | 14 | 18 | 11 | 13 | 10 | 14 | 12 | 10 | 134 |
| Terrorist Attack | 1 | 1 | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 8 |
| TOTAL | 163 | 156 | 192 | 148 | 125 | 161 | 171 | 126 | 107 | 117 | 1466 |
Civilian deaths at the hands of police:
Here’s How Many People Police Killed In 2015
BY DYLAN PETROHILOS
DEC 28, 2015 2:59 PM
DEC 28, 2015 2:59 PM
CREDIT: DYLAN PETROHILOS/THINKPROGRESS
I truly believe that most police officers are good people who try every shift to serve and protect the public. But something has gone awry.
I believe part of the problem is the proliferation of guns in America, and the glorification of the gun culture. Shoot first, ask questions later. Shoot, they may be armed. Open carry, who can tell the good guys from the bad guys.
I also believe part of the problem is institutionalized racism. #BlackLivesMatter. This movement is necessary because too many people in America see brown or black skin and think that informs them about the person they are observing.
I know pointing out a problem without proposing a solution is just whining.
We need to fix this. Every police officer should not approach every shift as if this is the day they will have to kill or be killed. There is a huge difference between knowing when to use deadly force and using deadly force.
People of color should not have to fear for their and their children's lives every time they leave the house.
The police should be overwhelmingly viewed as part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Guns have a place, but they are out of control, and automatic and semi-automatic weapons should only be in the hands of the military.
Unfortunately, most of the response to the mess we are in is to shout at each other, instead of work together toward common sense solutions.
More people are afraid of terrorists than police, their family, or their neighbors; but in America, it is far more likely you will be killed by the police, or a family member, or a neighbor than a terrorist.
We all need to stop allowing ourselves to be whipped up emotionally to fear things that are not probable, and instead use that emotional energy to solve some of the real problems we face.
Yes, it will take money. I'd rather pay more taxes for better trained police than continue to watch the carnage.
We need better education, and more jobs. Working on America's crumbling infrastructure will go a long way to reducing poverty, and creating opportunity.
People need hope. Education and jobs provide hope. Police need training. We can fix this. But enough of us have to care to fix it to get the process started.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Self - Motivation
One of the things I have learned about myself in the past year is that it is difficult for me to motivate myself without declaring a goal.
I decided that I wanted to walk at least 1200 miles this year, with a stretch of 1400, and a super stretch of 1500. I hit 1500 miles yesterday.
I finally started putting words to paper for the books that have been percolating in my head for the last seven years or so. I set a goal to get to one hundred pages before I let anyone read and review it. Didn't set another goal for myself, so have only written another forty-four pages since May.
I had an inspiration for a different, fun story listening to the radio one day, didn't set any goals related to it, so it is just meandering along.
If I'm going to be serious about being an author, I need to establish some routine, some goals and some discipline around it.
It is natural for me to set exercise goals, now I need to extend that discipline to my writing.
Because motivation works so much better when there is a reward involved, I have to think up a system of rewards for myself to keep the words flowing on to the paper.
I've decided to self-publish on Amazon using Kindle Direct for my lighthearted, fun stories. I'm not sure what path I am going to take with the series of books that have been growing in me for so long.
Exercise is its own reward, just like this blog is its own reward.
I never knew how much discipline it takes to keep coming back to your story to put it on paper. The stories flow so easily in my mind, but putting the words out there, and providing for the transitions, watching your characters take shape, and realizing they wouldn't do what you thought they would do, it is a really strange adventure.
Since starting to seriously write, I'll never read a book the same way again. The amount of effort it takes to craft a story into a book that will hold your attention for two to three hundred pages is astounding.
Maybe it is easier if you have formal training. Maybe it is easier if you have more natural talent.
Even though it is very hard, it is very fulfilling. I get a tremendous amount of pleasure from committing my stories to print. And that may be why I need the goals. Writing feels self-indulgent. I have to train my brain to look at my writing as my job, that I happen to be passionate about; not my hobby, that I can indulge when I have the time.
Part of motivating myself is putting it out there to all of you that I am now an author. The subtle pressure of expectation is good for me.
Wish me luck friends! I hope to have my first self-published Kindle novella out there by March.
I decided that I wanted to walk at least 1200 miles this year, with a stretch of 1400, and a super stretch of 1500. I hit 1500 miles yesterday.
I finally started putting words to paper for the books that have been percolating in my head for the last seven years or so. I set a goal to get to one hundred pages before I let anyone read and review it. Didn't set another goal for myself, so have only written another forty-four pages since May.
I had an inspiration for a different, fun story listening to the radio one day, didn't set any goals related to it, so it is just meandering along.
If I'm going to be serious about being an author, I need to establish some routine, some goals and some discipline around it.
It is natural for me to set exercise goals, now I need to extend that discipline to my writing.
Because motivation works so much better when there is a reward involved, I have to think up a system of rewards for myself to keep the words flowing on to the paper.
I've decided to self-publish on Amazon using Kindle Direct for my lighthearted, fun stories. I'm not sure what path I am going to take with the series of books that have been growing in me for so long.
Exercise is its own reward, just like this blog is its own reward.
I never knew how much discipline it takes to keep coming back to your story to put it on paper. The stories flow so easily in my mind, but putting the words out there, and providing for the transitions, watching your characters take shape, and realizing they wouldn't do what you thought they would do, it is a really strange adventure.
Since starting to seriously write, I'll never read a book the same way again. The amount of effort it takes to craft a story into a book that will hold your attention for two to three hundred pages is astounding.
Maybe it is easier if you have formal training. Maybe it is easier if you have more natural talent.
Even though it is very hard, it is very fulfilling. I get a tremendous amount of pleasure from committing my stories to print. And that may be why I need the goals. Writing feels self-indulgent. I have to train my brain to look at my writing as my job, that I happen to be passionate about; not my hobby, that I can indulge when I have the time.
Part of motivating myself is putting it out there to all of you that I am now an author. The subtle pressure of expectation is good for me.
Wish me luck friends! I hope to have my first self-published Kindle novella out there by March.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Letting Go
I retired from full-time employment on December 31, 2014. At the time, I was working as the Project Manager for the Life Critical Standards Training Project, in my chosen field of occupational safety and health.
I spent 22.5 years of my professional career in occupational safety and health. When I took my first job in safety, I had one college course in Industrial Hygiene under my belt. Because I loved my new career, and wanted to bring my very best every day, I obtained a number of professional certifications.
The certifications were very important to me, not because I like to have letters after my name, but because it was in the preparation for my certification exams that I really learned the history of my chosen profession, and learned how to provide the best safety and health services to my clients.
It was hard work studying for and achieving first my Occupational Health and Safety Technologist (OHST), and then my Associate Safety Professional (ASP), and finally my Certified Safety Professional (CSP).
With a change in the bylaws in 2013, the Board of Certified Safety Professionals decided to no longer offer the Certified Safety Professional - Retired designation. Because I am retired, I am letting my certifications lapse, and will no longer be an OHST, an ASP or a CSP.
It has taken me this entire year to come to resolution about letting these certifications lapse. But it is time to let go of my former career, and embrace my new careers of blogger, author and crochet artist.
I'm blessed to have the freedom purchased by years of saving to not need to earn my living from my new career. I hope that someday there is a financial benefit from my writing, but if not, my savings and pension will see me through.
And that brings me to the point I wanted to make. Growing, taking on a new role, taking on a new life direction almost always involves giving something up.
I can't be the next thing I am going to be without giving up a part of who I was.
That is the scary exciting thing about choosing to continue to grow. Because I have chosen to grow in a new direction, I have also chosen to give up some of the past.
I worked hard for those certifications, and was proud to achieve them. They do not serve my future, so I am letting them go. They will always be a very important part of my past. Part of my formation. Part of what allowed me to be who I am today. I am grateful to what they provided me. But I'm OK with them becoming part of my past.
As I march confidently into my future, I am ready to let the past go. With gratitude for what I learned, with gratitude for how the past shaped me, I am moving on.
The future looks bright.............
I spent 22.5 years of my professional career in occupational safety and health. When I took my first job in safety, I had one college course in Industrial Hygiene under my belt. Because I loved my new career, and wanted to bring my very best every day, I obtained a number of professional certifications.
The certifications were very important to me, not because I like to have letters after my name, but because it was in the preparation for my certification exams that I really learned the history of my chosen profession, and learned how to provide the best safety and health services to my clients.
It was hard work studying for and achieving first my Occupational Health and Safety Technologist (OHST), and then my Associate Safety Professional (ASP), and finally my Certified Safety Professional (CSP).
With a change in the bylaws in 2013, the Board of Certified Safety Professionals decided to no longer offer the Certified Safety Professional - Retired designation. Because I am retired, I am letting my certifications lapse, and will no longer be an OHST, an ASP or a CSP.
It has taken me this entire year to come to resolution about letting these certifications lapse. But it is time to let go of my former career, and embrace my new careers of blogger, author and crochet artist.
I'm blessed to have the freedom purchased by years of saving to not need to earn my living from my new career. I hope that someday there is a financial benefit from my writing, but if not, my savings and pension will see me through.
And that brings me to the point I wanted to make. Growing, taking on a new role, taking on a new life direction almost always involves giving something up.
I can't be the next thing I am going to be without giving up a part of who I was.
That is the scary exciting thing about choosing to continue to grow. Because I have chosen to grow in a new direction, I have also chosen to give up some of the past.
I worked hard for those certifications, and was proud to achieve them. They do not serve my future, so I am letting them go. They will always be a very important part of my past. Part of my formation. Part of what allowed me to be who I am today. I am grateful to what they provided me. But I'm OK with them becoming part of my past.
As I march confidently into my future, I am ready to let the past go. With gratitude for what I learned, with gratitude for how the past shaped me, I am moving on.
The future looks bright.............
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Choosing Happiness
All my regular readers know that I am a big believer in training your brain to go in the direction you want it to go.
Many of us spend time with extended family at this time of year. And for many, that involves more irritation and aggravation than it needs to.
It is hard to imagine a family that is entirely cohesive. There are so many different topics that people can disagree on. There are so many habits and idiosyncrasies that can get on one person or another's last nerve.
But these inevitable irritants don't have to manifest in negative emotions. You have the power to decide that none of the things that have upset you in the past will upset you in the future.
Sure, Aunt Lucretia is going to ask why you still work for a company that does the devil's work, and Uncle Caesar is going to go on a minority bashing tirade. You can't control that. And past efforts to redirect have been unsuccessful.
You can turn it all into a game.
Sit with your significant other and your inside circle, and create family holiday bingo.
List all the inevitable things that will happen that have upset you in the past. Divide up the list evenly among the participants. The first one whose list is complete gets the bingo. Decide ahead of time what the prize will be.
Now, when the inevitable happens, you and your insiders can look at each other and smile, knowing that you predicted your family's own particular crazy with astounding accuracy. Because you have made it a game, the negative emotions don't have to be engaged.
My wish for everyone is that they have an extended family free of angst, but I know for so many of you that is just a dream.
So, give up the angst. Choose happiness. Choose to not engage negatively. Choose to find the humor in how well you know these people. You probably have already chosen to love them even though they are very different from you. Choosing to love them is not choosing to agree with them, nor is it choosing to try to change them.
Be a shining example of the person you wish everyone could be. Kind, thoughtful, loving, happy. That is the best way to inspire change anyway. And enjoy the bingo game. Surprisingly enough, when those we love are gone it is often their peculiarities that we miss the most.
So, choose to celebrate what makes you and your family unique. And I hope you get the bingo.
Many of us spend time with extended family at this time of year. And for many, that involves more irritation and aggravation than it needs to.
It is hard to imagine a family that is entirely cohesive. There are so many different topics that people can disagree on. There are so many habits and idiosyncrasies that can get on one person or another's last nerve.
But these inevitable irritants don't have to manifest in negative emotions. You have the power to decide that none of the things that have upset you in the past will upset you in the future.
Sure, Aunt Lucretia is going to ask why you still work for a company that does the devil's work, and Uncle Caesar is going to go on a minority bashing tirade. You can't control that. And past efforts to redirect have been unsuccessful.
You can turn it all into a game.
Sit with your significant other and your inside circle, and create family holiday bingo.
List all the inevitable things that will happen that have upset you in the past. Divide up the list evenly among the participants. The first one whose list is complete gets the bingo. Decide ahead of time what the prize will be.
Now, when the inevitable happens, you and your insiders can look at each other and smile, knowing that you predicted your family's own particular crazy with astounding accuracy. Because you have made it a game, the negative emotions don't have to be engaged.
My wish for everyone is that they have an extended family free of angst, but I know for so many of you that is just a dream.
So, give up the angst. Choose happiness. Choose to not engage negatively. Choose to find the humor in how well you know these people. You probably have already chosen to love them even though they are very different from you. Choosing to love them is not choosing to agree with them, nor is it choosing to try to change them.
Be a shining example of the person you wish everyone could be. Kind, thoughtful, loving, happy. That is the best way to inspire change anyway. And enjoy the bingo game. Surprisingly enough, when those we love are gone it is often their peculiarities that we miss the most.
So, choose to celebrate what makes you and your family unique. And I hope you get the bingo.
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Losing your voice
I think almost everyone is acquainted with the phenomenon of losing your physical voice. It may be a cold, or too much cheering at an athletic event, or too much Christmas caroling, but sometimes we open our mouths to speak, and no sound comes out, or the sound is very muted or distorted.
Usually, some vocal rest, and maybe some tea with honey and lemon, and our voice comes back.
The concept that is more foreign to most people, but equally real, is losing your emotional, or social voice. Let me explain.
As children, most of us freely exhibit our emotions. Children laugh and cry and shout and scream and basically demonstrate their feelings. Children almost always have a potent emotional and social voice.
As we grow up, we are usually taught to moderate our voice - to use our inside voice - to temper our emotions - to display a more calm and measured face to the world.
I'm not opposed to this. I like calm, measured conversation. I like order. But too much internal censorship can lead to losing your voice.
As with everything, there is a careful balance to be maintained. There is a healthy way to moderate your voice. I strongly believe in the "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" internal filter on my voice.
Unfortunately, though, it is easy for other factors to silence our emotional and social voice.
Painful memories can manifest in losing your voice. Grief can steal your voice. Loneliness can steal your voice. Feeling "less than" can steal your voice.
Often what causes us to lose our voice is the belief that no one is listening anyway. It can be easy to think that your voice won't be missed, and that your voice is not important.
Every voice is important. You are important. Your contribution to the human conversation is important.
If you feel like you have lost your voice, please try to heal your emotional voice as you would your physical voice. Rest. Nurture yourself. And then start slowly to use your voice again.
Express your voice in writing, if that is easier for you. Reach out to a close friend or family member. Pick the nicest cashier at the supermarket, and say something nice to them about how you notice they are so friendly.
Just like your physical voice is hard to use after you have lost it for a while, so is your emotional and social voice. But the world needs to hear you. The gifts you bring are yours and yours alone.
Usually, some vocal rest, and maybe some tea with honey and lemon, and our voice comes back.
The concept that is more foreign to most people, but equally real, is losing your emotional, or social voice. Let me explain.
As children, most of us freely exhibit our emotions. Children laugh and cry and shout and scream and basically demonstrate their feelings. Children almost always have a potent emotional and social voice.
As we grow up, we are usually taught to moderate our voice - to use our inside voice - to temper our emotions - to display a more calm and measured face to the world.
I'm not opposed to this. I like calm, measured conversation. I like order. But too much internal censorship can lead to losing your voice.
As with everything, there is a careful balance to be maintained. There is a healthy way to moderate your voice. I strongly believe in the "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" internal filter on my voice.
Unfortunately, though, it is easy for other factors to silence our emotional and social voice.
Painful memories can manifest in losing your voice. Grief can steal your voice. Loneliness can steal your voice. Feeling "less than" can steal your voice.
Often what causes us to lose our voice is the belief that no one is listening anyway. It can be easy to think that your voice won't be missed, and that your voice is not important.
Every voice is important. You are important. Your contribution to the human conversation is important.
If you feel like you have lost your voice, please try to heal your emotional voice as you would your physical voice. Rest. Nurture yourself. And then start slowly to use your voice again.
Express your voice in writing, if that is easier for you. Reach out to a close friend or family member. Pick the nicest cashier at the supermarket, and say something nice to them about how you notice they are so friendly.
Just like your physical voice is hard to use after you have lost it for a while, so is your emotional and social voice. But the world needs to hear you. The gifts you bring are yours and yours alone.
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