In May of 2015, I wrote a blog post titled "There is no Them". I was trying to illustrate that we are all one people sharing a planet, and creating artificial divisions doesn't make anything better.
In the fourteen months since I wrote that blog post it seems that the us and them thinking has gotten even worse. And I still don't believe that kind of thinking solves anything.
So what can an individual who is tired of the bloodshed and the hate and the divisiveness do?
It has to start with believing it can get better. It has to start with more love, more kindness, more inclusion, more understanding.
I heard a man on the radio this morning saying that believing that love is the answer is crazy, because the bad people just want to kill you.
How many of you reading this have ever been motivated to kill someone who never showed you anything but love?
Anger, and division and war haven't solved the world's problems. Why not give love a chance?
As I have said before, it is much more difficult to hate an entire group if you know someone in that group. So some of the answer lies in making a more diverse group of friends.
How can you do that? Join a club, find a hobby, volunteer. America is still an amazing melting pot. You can stay safe in a microcosm of people just like you, but it isn't all that difficult to find diversity.
What does any of this have to do with resilience?
I'm afraid that for the foreseeable future, there will be terrible, tragic events that shake our faith in human nature, and shake our hope for a peaceful coexistence where everyone has the opportunity for a decent life.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back, to recover from difficult events.
And resilience is easier when you can look at any terrible, tragic event, and look at who perpetrated that terrible, tragic event, and you can say, "I know someone who looks like that person, or who is the same religion as that person, or who is from the same country as that person, and I know they are a good person". And then you can remind yourself that while there will always be people who will do harm, there will always be people who will do good.
And you will not get sucked into the despair that comes with thinking we are doomed. Because we are not doomed. We are humans, going through a sucky part of what will someday be history.
We can repeat terrible mistakes of the past and turn on each other. We can marginalize and disenfranchise entire groups of people.
Or we can say there will always be people who wish to do harm. We can't easily identify them. But if we pay attention, maybe we can hear or see their wish to do harm before they act on it.
And we can only do that if we interact, if we listen, if we make sure that our circles all overlap. So, more love is the answer. More listening. More compassion. More understanding. But most importantly, more action. We must speak up when we think someone has the capacity to do harm to themselves and others.
We can break the chain. We can find a better normal. We just have to be willing to do it.
Friday, July 15, 2016
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
I'm Tired
I am sincerely hoping that this blog post strikes a chord with many who read it.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of the anger, I'm tired of the hate.
I'm tired of the unwillingness to have a conversation about anything important and contentious.
I'm tired of people raising their voices, believing that shouting somehow makes more sense than listening.
I'm tired of being sad about the state of the world and especially the state of the United States of America.
I'm tired of criticism. I'm tired from hearing only about whose fault the problem is, instead of what we can do to make things better.
I'm tired of hearing about why a person is a bad person, instead of why an idea or an action is harmful or destructive.
Have we become a society, a people that can no longer solve problems? That can no longer find compromise? That will work against our own self interests and safety because we have been manipulated by the media? That has to hate people, instead of disagreeing about ideology?
I'm tired of listening to people who can only see things their way.
The problem is, I'm not sure what to do about it.
I try to listen to people. I try to read and inform myself on issues rather than just emote about them.
I try to find common ground, so that conversation can happen and compromise is possible.
And then I hear more of the hate. More criticism. More negativity.
I refuse to participate. I've been writing less and reading escapist fiction more. I am crocheting more. I'm checking out rather than being saddened by the state of things.
But I know I have to do better. I have to figure out how to be part of the solution. I have to figure out how to be a positive influence.
I miss the 1980's when we had "Hands Across America" to fight poverty and hunger. And when "We Are the World" united artists from multiple genres to raise money for the victims of famine in Africa. (And I know how little money actually got to the people who needed it. But we cared enough to try to make it better collectively, and that is what is important.)
Where is the collective good to balance out the anger and hate?
I'm asking everyone reading this to do something positive today. Be kind to a stranger. Donate to a worthy cause. Praise someone. Meditate on how to bring harmony. Pray for peace.
I feel like we need something big and positive to build unity, but I know that small acts of kindness, of compassion and of understanding can become a tidal wave.
I don't want to hide. I don't want to be tired anymore. I want to see more love than hate. I want to hear more compassion than anger.
I'm going to find the energy to be the good I want to see in the world. I hope you can too.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of the anger, I'm tired of the hate.
I'm tired of the unwillingness to have a conversation about anything important and contentious.
I'm tired of people raising their voices, believing that shouting somehow makes more sense than listening.
I'm tired of being sad about the state of the world and especially the state of the United States of America.
I'm tired of criticism. I'm tired from hearing only about whose fault the problem is, instead of what we can do to make things better.
I'm tired of hearing about why a person is a bad person, instead of why an idea or an action is harmful or destructive.
Have we become a society, a people that can no longer solve problems? That can no longer find compromise? That will work against our own self interests and safety because we have been manipulated by the media? That has to hate people, instead of disagreeing about ideology?
I'm tired of listening to people who can only see things their way.
The problem is, I'm not sure what to do about it.
I try to listen to people. I try to read and inform myself on issues rather than just emote about them.
I try to find common ground, so that conversation can happen and compromise is possible.
And then I hear more of the hate. More criticism. More negativity.
I refuse to participate. I've been writing less and reading escapist fiction more. I am crocheting more. I'm checking out rather than being saddened by the state of things.
But I know I have to do better. I have to figure out how to be part of the solution. I have to figure out how to be a positive influence.
I miss the 1980's when we had "Hands Across America" to fight poverty and hunger. And when "We Are the World" united artists from multiple genres to raise money for the victims of famine in Africa. (And I know how little money actually got to the people who needed it. But we cared enough to try to make it better collectively, and that is what is important.)
Where is the collective good to balance out the anger and hate?
I'm asking everyone reading this to do something positive today. Be kind to a stranger. Donate to a worthy cause. Praise someone. Meditate on how to bring harmony. Pray for peace.
I feel like we need something big and positive to build unity, but I know that small acts of kindness, of compassion and of understanding can become a tidal wave.
I don't want to hide. I don't want to be tired anymore. I want to see more love than hate. I want to hear more compassion than anger.
I'm going to find the energy to be the good I want to see in the world. I hope you can too.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
On race
When I was a child, my brother played soprano bugle in a Drum and Bugle Corps sponsored by an American Legion post. The corps was interracial, as central New Jersey has always been a melting pot.
One night, when the fathers got to the American Legion post to pick up their children, there was some time to kill, so they decided to have a beer together at the bar in the post. The bar refused to serve one of the dads, who happened to be a person of color.
The other dads left the bar, got their sons, and the sons all quit that Drum and Bugle Corps. The corps disbanded, as so many other members quit too, appalled at the treatment of their son's friend's father, or of their friend.
That was the first time my parents talked to me and my brother and sisters about the obligation that comes with being white. I was taught that I have an obligation to reject racism, to reject people who are racist, to call out people who base their decisions on skin color, and to stand in solidarity with the people of color who I interact with. I was taught that looking the other way when people are discriminated against is as bad as practicing discrimination yourself.
When I moved to Louisiana as an adult, I was not one of those people who thought the South had prejudice and discrimination and the North didn't, because I had been raised to really look and see what was real, and I had lived through the race riots in New Jersey in the sixties.
What I wasn't prepared for when I moved to Louisiana was the extraordinary breadth of the palette of skin tones that can be called white or black.
I have sat in rooms in Louisiana where the person with the darkest complexion identified as white, and several people in the room with fairer complexions identified as black. And I came to understand just how artificial a construct race actually is.
That is not to say that people of color are not disproportionately discriminated against in America. They absolutely are. And those of us who are not discriminated against must stand with them, must protect them, must cry and bleed with them when they are hurting.
But race is an artificial construct. The color of my skin no more informs you about me than the color of my hair, or the color of my eyes, or my height, or the texture of my hair.
Skin color is just another physical attribute. We don't pick it, and we can't change it, it is just a thing.
I totally understand and appreciate that many people's life experience and formation has been influenced by the color of their skin. I totally understand and appreciate that when you are under attack, it is normal to trust the people who look like the people defending you, and distrust the people that look like the people who are attacking you.
But just because someone shares a physical attribute with someone, that doesn't mean they are anything like them. Would you consider thinking all white men with dark hair are psychopathic killers because Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson were white men with dark hair? It is equally ridiculous to make assumptions about a person based on the color of their skin.
And therein lies the great problem that we need to overcome in America if race relations are ever going to improve. We all need to admit that the color of our skin has shaped our formation. Has shaped the history of the United States of America. We have to admit that institutional racism exists. We have to appreciate the distrust and discomfort our brothers and sisters of color have of white people, and of the police and judicial system.
And then we need to stop letting skin color matter to us, and treat everyone the same regardless of the color of their skin. All the while remaining conscious of skin color, so that we white people are prepared to defend and protect our brothers and sisters of color should that become necessary. It won't be easy to grow past this horrible divide that seems the deepest it has ever been in my lifetime.
But we are all humans. We are all connected. We are all part of the collective fabric of our families, our neighborhoods, our towns and cities, our country, our world. We can overcome this artificial divide. But we have to work on it. This is a problem that will never go away unless we actively work on making it go away.
One night, when the fathers got to the American Legion post to pick up their children, there was some time to kill, so they decided to have a beer together at the bar in the post. The bar refused to serve one of the dads, who happened to be a person of color.
The other dads left the bar, got their sons, and the sons all quit that Drum and Bugle Corps. The corps disbanded, as so many other members quit too, appalled at the treatment of their son's friend's father, or of their friend.
That was the first time my parents talked to me and my brother and sisters about the obligation that comes with being white. I was taught that I have an obligation to reject racism, to reject people who are racist, to call out people who base their decisions on skin color, and to stand in solidarity with the people of color who I interact with. I was taught that looking the other way when people are discriminated against is as bad as practicing discrimination yourself.
When I moved to Louisiana as an adult, I was not one of those people who thought the South had prejudice and discrimination and the North didn't, because I had been raised to really look and see what was real, and I had lived through the race riots in New Jersey in the sixties.
What I wasn't prepared for when I moved to Louisiana was the extraordinary breadth of the palette of skin tones that can be called white or black.
I have sat in rooms in Louisiana where the person with the darkest complexion identified as white, and several people in the room with fairer complexions identified as black. And I came to understand just how artificial a construct race actually is.
That is not to say that people of color are not disproportionately discriminated against in America. They absolutely are. And those of us who are not discriminated against must stand with them, must protect them, must cry and bleed with them when they are hurting.
But race is an artificial construct. The color of my skin no more informs you about me than the color of my hair, or the color of my eyes, or my height, or the texture of my hair.
Skin color is just another physical attribute. We don't pick it, and we can't change it, it is just a thing.
I totally understand and appreciate that many people's life experience and formation has been influenced by the color of their skin. I totally understand and appreciate that when you are under attack, it is normal to trust the people who look like the people defending you, and distrust the people that look like the people who are attacking you.
But just because someone shares a physical attribute with someone, that doesn't mean they are anything like them. Would you consider thinking all white men with dark hair are psychopathic killers because Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson were white men with dark hair? It is equally ridiculous to make assumptions about a person based on the color of their skin.
And therein lies the great problem that we need to overcome in America if race relations are ever going to improve. We all need to admit that the color of our skin has shaped our formation. Has shaped the history of the United States of America. We have to admit that institutional racism exists. We have to appreciate the distrust and discomfort our brothers and sisters of color have of white people, and of the police and judicial system.
And then we need to stop letting skin color matter to us, and treat everyone the same regardless of the color of their skin. All the while remaining conscious of skin color, so that we white people are prepared to defend and protect our brothers and sisters of color should that become necessary. It won't be easy to grow past this horrible divide that seems the deepest it has ever been in my lifetime.
But we are all humans. We are all connected. We are all part of the collective fabric of our families, our neighborhoods, our towns and cities, our country, our world. We can overcome this artificial divide. But we have to work on it. This is a problem that will never go away unless we actively work on making it go away.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Heavy heart
Once again, I sit with a heavy heart, and search for words to convey how I feel. There is a part of me that wants desperately to give in to anger and despair, but I truly believe that if I do that I will become part of the problem.
It breaks my heart that evil acted in Dallas, and at this time five Dallas Police Officers have lost their lives. It breaks my heart that Philando Castile was killed in front of his girlfriend and her five year old son, and that the children at the Montessori School where he was cafeteria manager will have to miss him every day during the rest of their time at that school. It breaks my heart that Alton Sterling never got the chance to show the world that he was a changed man, who could live the rest of his life as a productive member of society.
I don't want to, and can't debate these deaths, as if there is some way to justify the loss of a life so that it is no longer heartbreaking. Every time someone dies, it is heartbreaking. For someone.
And we all experience that heartbreak. But when it comes at the natural end of a long and productive life, or when it comes at the end of a painful illness, where we can comfort ourselves that our loved one is no longer suffering, the heartbreak is easier to work through.
How can you work through the violent death of someone you love? How can so many of us act as if the people that die violent deaths somehow deserve death? How can we be so comfortable pretending that because that person is not our family, and we don't know them, and they don't look like us, that we still are not diminished by another violent death?
The senseless violence in the world damages us all. Whether it makes us more fearful, or makes us more angry, or makes us easier to manipulate, or makes us more unkind, or makes us more callous; the violence in the world diminishes us all.
And it makes my heart even heavier that in the midst of the horror at the violence, people feel empowered to use words to create more dissent and anger.
Believing that sometimes police kill innocent people is not the same as condemning the police. Believing that sometimes the police have no options to shoot to kill is not the same as victim shaming.
There is a world of nuance and complexity in every situation. Very little in the world is clear cut. As I've shared before, fear is not rational, and almost universally, fear produces illogical behavior. The rational part of your brain has a very hard time being heard over the fearful part. So, in many cases, violence stems from this fear.
How do we stop feeding the fear? Get to know people who are not like you. Who don't look like you, who don't act like you, who don't believe in the things you believe in. Find common ground. We all breathe, we all bleed, we all need food and water to survive. There has to be something you can find in common.
Stop believing that because bad things haven't happened to you that bad things only happen to people who provoke them. Bad things happen. There is a high degree of randomness to that. If nothing tragic has happened to you, it isn't because you are better, or smarter, or more worthy. It is because nothing tragic has happened to you. As simple as that.
Be willing to entertain solutions. And relentlessly campaign for change. We need criminal justice reform. We need better answers than fighting and violence. We need a return to civility, to debate and compromise. We need to teach our children that getting along with each other is a good thing, and that when we all give a little we end up getting more than we give up.
Remember that love is the answer. And that you can make the world a better place by treating everyone you meet with kindness and compassion.
My heart is heavy and full of sorrow. I am worried about my country, and about the world. I worry that this latest violence will beget more violence.
I will not stoke the fires of anger and hatred. I will show love to everyone I interact with. I will be the good I want to see in the world. I hope that you will too.
It breaks my heart that evil acted in Dallas, and at this time five Dallas Police Officers have lost their lives. It breaks my heart that Philando Castile was killed in front of his girlfriend and her five year old son, and that the children at the Montessori School where he was cafeteria manager will have to miss him every day during the rest of their time at that school. It breaks my heart that Alton Sterling never got the chance to show the world that he was a changed man, who could live the rest of his life as a productive member of society.
I don't want to, and can't debate these deaths, as if there is some way to justify the loss of a life so that it is no longer heartbreaking. Every time someone dies, it is heartbreaking. For someone.
And we all experience that heartbreak. But when it comes at the natural end of a long and productive life, or when it comes at the end of a painful illness, where we can comfort ourselves that our loved one is no longer suffering, the heartbreak is easier to work through.
How can you work through the violent death of someone you love? How can so many of us act as if the people that die violent deaths somehow deserve death? How can we be so comfortable pretending that because that person is not our family, and we don't know them, and they don't look like us, that we still are not diminished by another violent death?
The senseless violence in the world damages us all. Whether it makes us more fearful, or makes us more angry, or makes us easier to manipulate, or makes us more unkind, or makes us more callous; the violence in the world diminishes us all.
And it makes my heart even heavier that in the midst of the horror at the violence, people feel empowered to use words to create more dissent and anger.
Believing that sometimes police kill innocent people is not the same as condemning the police. Believing that sometimes the police have no options to shoot to kill is not the same as victim shaming.
There is a world of nuance and complexity in every situation. Very little in the world is clear cut. As I've shared before, fear is not rational, and almost universally, fear produces illogical behavior. The rational part of your brain has a very hard time being heard over the fearful part. So, in many cases, violence stems from this fear.
How do we stop feeding the fear? Get to know people who are not like you. Who don't look like you, who don't act like you, who don't believe in the things you believe in. Find common ground. We all breathe, we all bleed, we all need food and water to survive. There has to be something you can find in common.
Stop believing that because bad things haven't happened to you that bad things only happen to people who provoke them. Bad things happen. There is a high degree of randomness to that. If nothing tragic has happened to you, it isn't because you are better, or smarter, or more worthy. It is because nothing tragic has happened to you. As simple as that.
Be willing to entertain solutions. And relentlessly campaign for change. We need criminal justice reform. We need better answers than fighting and violence. We need a return to civility, to debate and compromise. We need to teach our children that getting along with each other is a good thing, and that when we all give a little we end up getting more than we give up.
Remember that love is the answer. And that you can make the world a better place by treating everyone you meet with kindness and compassion.
My heart is heavy and full of sorrow. I am worried about my country, and about the world. I worry that this latest violence will beget more violence.
I will not stoke the fires of anger and hatred. I will show love to everyone I interact with. I will be the good I want to see in the world. I hope that you will too.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Preaching love and tolerance
I have been making great progress on my book again today. My characters are becoming more and more real to me. And as I write them, I am seeing things about myself.
All of my characters are flawed. They all suffer from something, and many of them suffer from something that no one can see.
There are central characters in the book, and these central characters, although also flawed, are characters capable of great love.
The characters capable of great love provide the opportunity for healing for all of the other characters.
And that my friends, is my long and short view of life on this planet.
We are all flawed. We all need people in our lives who are capable of great love. Those people capable of great love give us the confidence and the courage to try to heal ourselves.
I know that listening to an endless sermon on love and tolerance will usually result in everyone tuning out.
I'm hoping that by creating engaging characters, who are flawed, so can be identified with, and showing them as the instruments of positive change, that everyone reading my books can see themselves as an instrument of positive change.
You don't need to discover a cure for cancer, or write a Pulitzer or Nobel prize winning book, or be president of a corporation to change the world in a positive way.
All you need to do is examine your own brokenness, and realize that everyone is broken in some way. Then you can reach out to others in their brokenness, and provide love, and reassurance, and support as those people you have reached out to try to heal.
As we seek to understand and support, rather than to dismiss and separate, we appreciate the opportunity for real growth.
It takes all sorts of different people to make this world. We can't all be the same, we can't all agree. But I truly believe we can all get along. We just have to learn to look upon each other with love, rather than with condemnation.
This change in perspective, in attitude, doesn't require that you subscribe to any particular belief system. This perspective just asks that you look with love on your fellow human beings. That you acknowledge that you are who and what you are because of multiple experiences and fortunes of birth. And that all the other fellow travelers through life are who and what they are because of their multiple experiences and fortunes of birth. And we can all help each other.
I hope that my books will open the hearts of those who read them to be more tolerant, more loving, more understanding, more accepting. And I hope they don't come across as preachy.
What I have seen about myself is that I want to help make the world a better place. But I want to do it by inspiring others to want to help make the world a better place.
Because I want the change to be bigger than I can accomplish by myself.
But if enough people want to make it better, it will get better.
Love is a better answer than hate. Laughter is a better answer than anger. Tolerance is a better answer than fear.
If we can imagine a better world, we can create a better world.
I hope my books can inspire your imaginings.
All of my characters are flawed. They all suffer from something, and many of them suffer from something that no one can see.
There are central characters in the book, and these central characters, although also flawed, are characters capable of great love.
The characters capable of great love provide the opportunity for healing for all of the other characters.
And that my friends, is my long and short view of life on this planet.
We are all flawed. We all need people in our lives who are capable of great love. Those people capable of great love give us the confidence and the courage to try to heal ourselves.
I know that listening to an endless sermon on love and tolerance will usually result in everyone tuning out.
I'm hoping that by creating engaging characters, who are flawed, so can be identified with, and showing them as the instruments of positive change, that everyone reading my books can see themselves as an instrument of positive change.
You don't need to discover a cure for cancer, or write a Pulitzer or Nobel prize winning book, or be president of a corporation to change the world in a positive way.
All you need to do is examine your own brokenness, and realize that everyone is broken in some way. Then you can reach out to others in their brokenness, and provide love, and reassurance, and support as those people you have reached out to try to heal.
As we seek to understand and support, rather than to dismiss and separate, we appreciate the opportunity for real growth.
It takes all sorts of different people to make this world. We can't all be the same, we can't all agree. But I truly believe we can all get along. We just have to learn to look upon each other with love, rather than with condemnation.
This change in perspective, in attitude, doesn't require that you subscribe to any particular belief system. This perspective just asks that you look with love on your fellow human beings. That you acknowledge that you are who and what you are because of multiple experiences and fortunes of birth. And that all the other fellow travelers through life are who and what they are because of their multiple experiences and fortunes of birth. And we can all help each other.
I hope that my books will open the hearts of those who read them to be more tolerant, more loving, more understanding, more accepting. And I hope they don't come across as preachy.
What I have seen about myself is that I want to help make the world a better place. But I want to do it by inspiring others to want to help make the world a better place.
Because I want the change to be bigger than I can accomplish by myself.
But if enough people want to make it better, it will get better.
Love is a better answer than hate. Laughter is a better answer than anger. Tolerance is a better answer than fear.
If we can imagine a better world, we can create a better world.
I hope my books can inspire your imaginings.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Time
For some reason, I have been having a hard time writing my books lately. I finished my novella in April, and stalled. I don't know where the words and ideas went. I just couldn't seem to find them.
I woke up this morning ready to write again. I spent a couple of hours working on my book. I'm not sure how good what I wrote is, but copy to edit is better than a blank page.
The disappointing thing is that when I look at my journal entry from April 18 (the last entry I made) and try to remember what I have done with the time that has passed since then, I don't have a lot of accomplishments to point to.
I did complete a couple of crochet projects. We went to West Virginia twice. We walked. And played in the pool. I read quite a few books.
I'm wondering if sometimes I just need to not accomplish much. If sometimes, I just need to be for a while.
My days are pretty much always full. It is easy to keep them full. Even if the filling of the days doesn't result in a product that can be pointed to.
There is housework, and cooking and laundry to do. And as soon as they are done, there is more housework and cooking and laundry to do.
For most of my working life, there were deadlines and timelines and necessary tasks to be accomplished. I still haven't figured out how comfortable I am without deadlines and timelines and necessary tasks.
I seem to have a compelling need to create deadlines and timelines and necessary tasks. And I have an inordinate amount of guilt right now because I can point to so few accomplishments for the last few months.
I haven't neglected anything that needed to be done. I've taken care of the business of life. What compels me to feel guilty?
Has structure and schedule become so much a part of how I measure my value that I don't feel I have value when I am not meeting a structure and a schedule?
I was sitting by the pool yesterday, remembering the summers of my childhood. When sitting by the pool and doing nothing was a wonderful way to spend a day.
I remember long summers with no agenda other than to play, and to read and to make happy memories. And I never felt bad or guilty, just kind of sad when they ended and it was time to go back to school.
In the last couple of months, I pretty much played. Other than the adulting that is necessary. But instead of feeling good about it, I feel vaguely guilty.
I'm sure this is just another phase of adjusting to a different pace of life, a different stage of life.
Self-determination is tricky. In some ways it is easier to have your schedule dictated than to have to decide how to create your schedule.
I'll figure it all out. One day at a time. But today feels better because I have worked towards a goal. I have words on paper. My book continues to develop, and will be a book someday.
I woke up this morning ready to write again. I spent a couple of hours working on my book. I'm not sure how good what I wrote is, but copy to edit is better than a blank page.
The disappointing thing is that when I look at my journal entry from April 18 (the last entry I made) and try to remember what I have done with the time that has passed since then, I don't have a lot of accomplishments to point to.
I did complete a couple of crochet projects. We went to West Virginia twice. We walked. And played in the pool. I read quite a few books.
I'm wondering if sometimes I just need to not accomplish much. If sometimes, I just need to be for a while.
My days are pretty much always full. It is easy to keep them full. Even if the filling of the days doesn't result in a product that can be pointed to.
There is housework, and cooking and laundry to do. And as soon as they are done, there is more housework and cooking and laundry to do.
For most of my working life, there were deadlines and timelines and necessary tasks to be accomplished. I still haven't figured out how comfortable I am without deadlines and timelines and necessary tasks.
I seem to have a compelling need to create deadlines and timelines and necessary tasks. And I have an inordinate amount of guilt right now because I can point to so few accomplishments for the last few months.
I haven't neglected anything that needed to be done. I've taken care of the business of life. What compels me to feel guilty?
Has structure and schedule become so much a part of how I measure my value that I don't feel I have value when I am not meeting a structure and a schedule?
I was sitting by the pool yesterday, remembering the summers of my childhood. When sitting by the pool and doing nothing was a wonderful way to spend a day.
I remember long summers with no agenda other than to play, and to read and to make happy memories. And I never felt bad or guilty, just kind of sad when they ended and it was time to go back to school.
In the last couple of months, I pretty much played. Other than the adulting that is necessary. But instead of feeling good about it, I feel vaguely guilty.
I'm sure this is just another phase of adjusting to a different pace of life, a different stage of life.
Self-determination is tricky. In some ways it is easier to have your schedule dictated than to have to decide how to create your schedule.
I'll figure it all out. One day at a time. But today feels better because I have worked towards a goal. I have words on paper. My book continues to develop, and will be a book someday.
Monday, July 4, 2016
Independence Day
July 4, 2016. July 4th is the day that the United States of America celebrates as our Independence Day. Much of the conversation today, and on each July 4th centers around freedom. Freedom is a concept that is central to American identity. We are loud and proud in declaring the United States of America the land of the free and the home of the brave.
What we don't often talk about is how one person's freedom can impact another's.
The tricky thing about freedom is that if not exercised responsibly, my freedom can rob you of yours.
Let me explain.
I am free to listen to whatever type of music I like. I can play that music in my house, in my car, in my yard, or in a park.
When I play my music in a public place at an extreme volume, I am depriving others in that public place of their freedom to listen to the type of music they choose. This is an example of my freedom robbing you of yours.
Freedom is a gift. The writers of the Declaration of Independence felt that all men were created equal, and that they were endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, among which are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Yet, some of those who signed the Declaration of Independence owned slaves. A certain class of people in 1776 robbed another class of people of their freedom, in a profound and disturbing way.
And that same thing can happen today if we are not careful, and if we don't think carefully and responsibly about the exercise of individual freedom.
I'm not fear mongering that slavery will be brought back as a practice, but when you think about freedom, just how free are we?
I am blessed with an enormous amount of freedom. I am free from debilitating health issues, I am relatively free from financial worry, I am free to enjoy my home and my yard. I am free to own two wonderful dogs, and I'm free to walk them in a beautiful public setting every day. I am relatively free from worry for my safety when in my house or in my neighborhood, as we have a high degree of citizen motivation to keep our neighborhood safe, and a good level of police presence.
Not everyone enjoys the tremendous freedom I enjoy. Many are imprisoned by poor health, by economic disadvantage, by homelessness. Still others are imprisoned by unsafe neighborhoods, and by public authorities that do not provide the necessary protection for their communities. Many people are imprisoned by fear, fear that is fed by unscrupulous politicians and media personalities. Many people's freedom is limited by prejudice, they are rightfully concerned about going certain places because they have to fear what will happen to them in those places.
Freedom is a gift, but without responsible exercise, freedom can be used as a weapon. Every time I fail to see the plight of someone who is not able to fully enjoy the freedom I do, my indifference becomes a weapon. It allows me to disregard their plight. It allows me to do nothing to try to make sure that all of the citizens of the United States of America have the opportunity to enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
This Independence Day I am challenging myself to be very aware of how blessed I am to enjoy the freedoms I enjoy, and to be an advocate for those whose freedom is limited in some way. We can only truly be the land of the free when everyone has realized the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and until then, being the home of the brave means that those of us that have realized the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are brave enough to fight to bring that right to those who have not yet realized it.
What we don't often talk about is how one person's freedom can impact another's.
The tricky thing about freedom is that if not exercised responsibly, my freedom can rob you of yours.
Let me explain.
I am free to listen to whatever type of music I like. I can play that music in my house, in my car, in my yard, or in a park.
When I play my music in a public place at an extreme volume, I am depriving others in that public place of their freedom to listen to the type of music they choose. This is an example of my freedom robbing you of yours.
Freedom is a gift. The writers of the Declaration of Independence felt that all men were created equal, and that they were endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, among which are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Yet, some of those who signed the Declaration of Independence owned slaves. A certain class of people in 1776 robbed another class of people of their freedom, in a profound and disturbing way.
And that same thing can happen today if we are not careful, and if we don't think carefully and responsibly about the exercise of individual freedom.
I'm not fear mongering that slavery will be brought back as a practice, but when you think about freedom, just how free are we?
I am blessed with an enormous amount of freedom. I am free from debilitating health issues, I am relatively free from financial worry, I am free to enjoy my home and my yard. I am free to own two wonderful dogs, and I'm free to walk them in a beautiful public setting every day. I am relatively free from worry for my safety when in my house or in my neighborhood, as we have a high degree of citizen motivation to keep our neighborhood safe, and a good level of police presence.
Not everyone enjoys the tremendous freedom I enjoy. Many are imprisoned by poor health, by economic disadvantage, by homelessness. Still others are imprisoned by unsafe neighborhoods, and by public authorities that do not provide the necessary protection for their communities. Many people are imprisoned by fear, fear that is fed by unscrupulous politicians and media personalities. Many people's freedom is limited by prejudice, they are rightfully concerned about going certain places because they have to fear what will happen to them in those places.
Freedom is a gift, but without responsible exercise, freedom can be used as a weapon. Every time I fail to see the plight of someone who is not able to fully enjoy the freedom I do, my indifference becomes a weapon. It allows me to disregard their plight. It allows me to do nothing to try to make sure that all of the citizens of the United States of America have the opportunity to enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
This Independence Day I am challenging myself to be very aware of how blessed I am to enjoy the freedoms I enjoy, and to be an advocate for those whose freedom is limited in some way. We can only truly be the land of the free when everyone has realized the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and until then, being the home of the brave means that those of us that have realized the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are brave enough to fight to bring that right to those who have not yet realized it.
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