Inheriting Idiosyncracy

Every family has their own uniqueness.  Often, we find out about our families uniqueness when we go to school, and find out that other families don't do things the way we do.  Some of the things that make our families unique are cool, and some are not so cool, but they are what makes us and our families what we are.

My family had a lot of uniquity.  I'll start with house rules.  When we ate supper, we all waited until everyone was seated and grace (blessing before meals) was said.  If we wanted or needed to leave the supper table, we had to ask the head of the table to be excused.  (That would be Daddy or Mommy, or Mom-Mom if at her house.)  If you leaned over your plate, or shoveled your food in like a starving person, Mommy would ask you if someone was trying to steal your food.  It didn't take long to know that meant sit up and slow down.  She would actually take your plate away if you persisted.  (Don't worry, we always got the plate back.  No one starved, she was making a point.)

After dinner, we had tea, and discussed current events.  My dad had read that Joe Kennedy did that, and he raised a President, so what was good for those Irish Catholics was good for my Dad's kids.  Dad was totally in charge of what was watched on TV.

Dad hated odd socks, so always folded the top of the socks into a pair before putting his socks in the dirty laundry.  He wore a suit to work for many years, and the first thing he did when he got home from work was change out of his work clothes and hang them up.

Mom had a million food rules.  Kielbasa could only be served cooked with sauerkraut, and boiled potatoes.  If you had meatballs, the only pasta you could eat was long spaghetti.  Meatsauce?  You could have any shape pasta, except ravioli.  Ravioli was only eaten with marinara sauce.

Dad had food rules too.  The food on his plate couldn't touch other foods, unless the food was designed that way.  Casserole? Yes.  Vegetables touching potatoes, or potatoes touching meat?  NO.

I never noticed my dad's no food touching rule.  I guess he knew it was weird.  When my daughter was about four, and stopped eating in her divided Sesame Street dish, I found out she had a thing about her food touching.  I tried to convince her it wasn't a problem.  No way she was going with that.  I told my mom about it, and she told me that Dad couldn't stand for his food to touch.  How did that get passed down from my dad to my daughter and skip me?

Dad also couldn't stand for anyone to touch his hair.  My mother loved to have her hair brushed.  I can't stand for anyone to touch my hair.

When Dad was cooking, if you wanted to help, you had to follow orders.  You could help how he asked you to help.  If you started doing stuff he hadn't asked you to do, he'd ask you if you wanted to take over and he would go sit down.  I get wildly aggravated if anyone messes with what I am cooking without asking permission.

What is learned and what is genetic?  I'll mix about any foods, and try bizarre combinations, so that trait of my mother's skipped me.  But my sister has it.  Certain foods with certain foods, certain foods on certain days.

What is the point of all this?  There is no normal.  We're all incredibly weirdly wonderful.  Some is learned, some is innate.  The more we think about our family's and our idiosyncrasies, the easier it is to accept others.  One of the ways I celebrate those I love that have left this plane of existence is to remember their weirdness, their specialness, their uniqueness.  And in celebrating that specialness of those that I no longer can interact with, I bring them back in a very real way.

Never forget the wonderful unique gift that is you.  Bring yourself fully to your relationships.  We will all be grateful for it.