Heavy heart

Once again, I sit with a heavy heart, and search for words to convey how I feel.  There is a part of me that wants desperately to give in to anger and despair, but I truly believe that if I do that I will become part of the problem.

It breaks my heart that evil acted in Dallas, and at this time five Dallas Police Officers have lost their lives.  It breaks my heart that Philando Castile was killed in front of his girlfriend and her five year old son, and that the children at the Montessori School where he was cafeteria manager will have to miss him every day during the rest of their time at that school.  It breaks my heart that Alton Sterling never got the chance to show the world that he was a changed man, who could live the rest of his life as a productive member of society.

I don't want to, and can't debate these deaths, as if there is some way to justify the loss of a life so that it is no longer heartbreaking. Every time someone dies, it is heartbreaking.  For someone.

And we all experience that heartbreak.  But when it comes at the natural end of a long and productive life, or when it comes at the end of a painful illness, where we can comfort ourselves that our loved one is no longer suffering, the heartbreak is easier to work through.

How can you work through the violent death of someone you love?  How can so many of us act as if the people that die violent deaths somehow deserve death?  How can we be so comfortable pretending that because that person is not our family, and we don't know them, and they don't look like us, that we still are not diminished by another violent death?

The senseless violence in the world damages us all.  Whether it makes us more fearful, or makes us more angry, or makes us easier to manipulate, or makes us more unkind, or makes us more callous; the violence in the world diminishes us all.

And it makes my heart even heavier that in the midst of the horror at the violence, people feel empowered to use words to create more dissent and anger.

Believing that sometimes police kill innocent people is not the same as condemning the police.  Believing that sometimes the police have no options to shoot to kill is not the same as victim shaming.

There is a world of nuance and complexity in every situation.  Very little in the world is clear cut.  As I've shared before, fear is not rational, and almost universally, fear produces illogical behavior. The rational part of your brain has a very hard time being heard over the fearful part.  So, in many cases, violence stems from this fear.

How do we stop feeding the fear?  Get to know people who are not like you.  Who don't look like you, who don't act like you, who don't believe in the things you believe in.  Find common ground.  We all breathe, we all bleed, we all need food and water to survive.  There has to be something you can find in common.

Stop believing that because bad things haven't happened to you that bad things only happen to people who provoke them.  Bad things happen.  There is a high degree of randomness to that.  If nothing tragic has happened to you, it isn't because you are better, or smarter, or more worthy.  It is because nothing tragic has happened to you.  As simple as that.

Be willing to entertain solutions.  And relentlessly campaign for change.  We need criminal justice reform.  We need better answers than fighting and violence.  We need a return to civility, to debate and compromise.  We need to teach our children that getting along with each other is a good thing, and that when we all give a little we end up getting more than we give up.

Remember that love is the answer.  And that you can make the world a better place by treating everyone you meet with kindness and compassion.

My heart is heavy and full of sorrow.  I am worried about my country, and about the world.  I worry that this latest violence will beget more violence.

I will not stoke the fires of anger and hatred.  I will show love to everyone I interact with.  I will be the good I want to see in the world.  I hope that you will too.