The monster within

Most of us have a person inside us that is not a particularly nice person.  This person inside maybe impatient, or unkind, or angry.  As hard as we may try to be the very best person we can be, this less than best person inside us will find it's way to the surface and manifest itself in front of people.

Name your monster.  No, really, name your monster.  I'm lucky, my daughter named my monster when she was just a toddler.  When the ugly lost her temper person in me was about to come out, I would furrow my brow so that an "11" appeared in my brow between my eyes.  My little daughter would take her pudgy little toddler hands and rub then across my forehead saying, "No, Scary Mommy; No, Scary Mommy".  Frequently, this would be the wake-up call I needed to put Scary Mommy back in the box.  But sometimes Scary Mommy manifested anyway.  Not my proudest moments.

What a gift my daughter gave me!  I could now warn people about the monster within!  I have told the "Scary Mommy" story hundreds of times in my professional career.  I tell people they do not want to meet scary mommy.  I try my best to keep her in the box, but enough provocation will bring scary mommy into the room.

What has surprised me, is that once advised that scary mommy exists, and given the warning signs that she is about to manifest have been communicated, scary mommy's existence has moderated my employee's behavior.

They know how much I hate to turn into scary mommy.  They look for my "tells" the eleven on my forehead, and moderate their behavior.  And when they don't and scary mommy comes out of the box, it is typical for my employees to apologize for continuing in a behavior that they knew was unacceptable and was pushing me past my limits.

Naming the monster within, and sharing that monster with my team, allowed me to also share how embarrassed I was that I had never learned to totally suppress scary mommy.

Vulnerability, honesty.  That is what allows relationships to flourish.  Name your monster.  Introduce the people you lead to your monster within.  Ask for their help to keep the monster in the box.  Have fun with your weaknesses.  The more human you are, the better leader you can be.