Marginalized

The idea for this post came to me while walking a couple of weeks ago.  I typed the title, and then closed the post.

I've been trying to pull together my thoughts ever since.

I have heard the term "marginalized" for as long as I can remember.  The dictionary definition of marginalize is:

treat (a person, group, or concept) as insignificant or peripheral.

I understood what it meant, but I never understood how it felt.

I do now.  Living in a very red state, and disagreeing with just about everything the current administration and congress are promoting, I feel marginalized.   There is no respect for my opinions or positions from those who are supposed to represent me.

I send faxes and emails.  I know my senators and congressman are going to vote along party lines no matter what I do.

I wish I had understood how bad this really feels.  I know what I am going through is nothing compared to people whose civil rights have been violated for generations, and who will continue to be marginalized because their appearance identifies them as belonging to a certain group.  But I have so much more empathy.

I have heard people say about one marginalized group or another "They shouldn't all stick together"  "If they would identify the 'bad' ones, we would be more accepting of the 'good' ones".  I understand now how that will never work.

When you feel abandoned, you look for solace in community.  And when you find community, you turn to each other, and support and protect each other, because you are all you have.

And if that means you accept unacceptable behaviors, it is because you need the protection of the pack against the predator, who is society.

So your sub-society, your marginalized community becomes more insular, and more defensive.  You protect your own, even when they do wrong, because you know you can not trust society to address, or even to see your concerns and your issues.

And you start to look for and trust only those you can identify as one of your pack.  And that is what sucks about being a middle aged marginalized white woman.

I look like the very people who have marginalized me.

Again, what I am experiencing is small and unimportant compared to the truly, systemically marginalized communities in America.  But now that I have felt this, I have a greater duty to fight for those communities.

I still believe we all have more in common with each other than we realize.  But I also now believe that making someone feel marginalized compromises their ability to see that we all have more in common with each other than we realize.

So the other day, when I was walking with my husband, we saw a woman wearing a hijab pushing a stroller with a little boy about five riding a bicycle.  I said hello, and smiled at her.  The little boy riding the bike started following me and my husband.  He asked if we were racing, and I told him no, just walking fast.  We were near him when he was trying to ride up to the top of the levee, so my husband and I cheered him on. That isn't something I would necessarily usually do, but I felt like it was important. He caught up with us on his bicycle to thank us for encouraging him.   He went back and forth between his mother and us for the next half hour or so.  When it was time for us to cross the street and go home, I told him it was nice to meet him, and to tell his mother that he was a very nice boy.  I wanted her to know she and her family are part of my community.  Even if we don't look like we are.

And that helped me feel less marginalized.  Because even if my government doesn't want to hear my voice, my voice is still important.  Especially to others who feel voiceless.