Unity

This morning the local radio talk show host was quite passionate in his audience participation question, "What will it take to unite America again?"   It was obvious that he is hurting over the divisiveness he is experiencing, and wants more cohesion, more unity.

As my regular readers know, I am a big believer in finding common ground.  Everything I say in this post about unity I have probably said in another post, but I've never put it all together in one spot before.

So here is my step-by-step plan to restore unity, in whatever micro or macrocosm that you desire.

1. Listen - it is impossible to find unity with a person if I don't listen to them.  And the listening has to be non-judgemental.  If I am internally refuting your statements; I'm not listening, I'm debating or arguing.  This is not to say that I must agree with your statements.  It means that if you are describing how you feel, I must validate your feelings.  If you are stating facts that I do not believe can be substantiated, then I have a duty to let you know. But if I say "You're wrong", I'm not seeking unity, I'm seeking to be right.  So if my data is not in alignment with your data, the statement is, "Our data on this subject is not in alignment.  Can we go back to where our data agrees, and then examine the differences in our data?"  At that point, if unity is your goal, you will find the common ground in your data, and decide if agreeing to disagree at the point where your data separates will prevent you from being united on other topics.  And remember, all feelings are valid.  All unity is underpinned by valuing the feelings of everyone.
2. Accept there is no them - if my desire for unity involves saying if they or them would only, again I am not seeking unity, I am seeking to convince someone else to think or act my way, or I am deciding that the way someone thinks or acts is less good than the way I think and act.  If I seek unity, I have to value all of us in all of our differences.  I have to accept that I will not always understand, and that is fine.  Everyone is who they are for a reason.  I can learn from everyone I meet, even if what I learn is that I don't want to treat people the way another person does.  But I can't throw anyone in the "them" bucket.  I have to accept that we are all flawed, broken creatures trying our best, and not always manifesting in a positive way.  I have to love all the broken, even if I have to keep myself safe from some of the brokenness. At the very least, I have to ask the greater forces in the universe to help everyone carry their burdens in such a way that no one is tempted to do harm to another because of their own brokenness.
3. Never use one way communications to promote divisiveness.  This one is really hard in today's world.  But if I want unity, I have to be certain that I am not harming others with my broadcasts.  I am not proud to say that I have "unfollowed" a number of people on Facebook because I was offended and saddened by the hateful, divisive posts that continued to appear on my newsfeed.  I don't want to "unfriend" people, but the level of vitriol in so many posts actually hurt me, so I shielded myself from it.   If I seek unity, I can be firm in my support of my ideals, but I can't denigrate anyone else. And if I seek unity, I must stay in the most benign of subjects when I share my ideals on social media.  Love of family, love of friends, support for those fighting disease; those are ideals that mostly create unity.  Support for a political candidate or for a complex ideology?  The singular direction of social and broadcast media make it a poor platform for that sort of information.
4. Apologize - if I want unity, I have to be willing to apologize.  And to apologize for more than just my own shortcomings.  If I want unity, I will say over and over again, "I am so sorry that you were treated in a way that made you feel less than", and "I'm sorry that happened to you".  I will say, "I know I can't make it better, but if there is something I can do to ease your pain, please tell me", and "If I ever unconsciously say or do something that hurts you, please tell me so that I don't do it again".  Real unity comes when each individual takes responsibility for the feelings of others.  When each individual feels called to right wrongs, even wrongs that they did not commit.
5. Accept there are many separate and equal realities.  I can only know the reality I know.  That is the truth that each one of us lives.  I have to accept the reality that each person paints for me as a valid reality.  Even if it is far different than my own.  Once again, finding common reality is the starting point, and working forward from there to where the visions of reality diverge.  Accepting that the realities will never be the same allows me to see things from a different viewpoint.  I can only find unity when I embrace that your reality is as real to you as mine is to me.  And when I embrace that the problems that you see in your reality are legitimate problems, whether or not I have ever experienced them in my reality.   And now we can unite to solve them.

Unity is an ideal that is difficult to achieve, especially in a society like the United State of America, where rugged individualism is so prized.  Unity values the individual, but depends on each individual valuing others equally with themselves.

Long post with lots of words, and it could all be summed up in the golden rule, "Treat others as you would like to be treated".  I long for unity.  I long for a world with no "them".  I'm going to keep trying to be a person that creates unity rather then divisiveness.  Because if I don't find common ground with you, we can never even engage in the conversation to move forward towards, instead of away from, each other.