Stereotypes, prejudices, and realities

I read an article this morning about what the author considers to be the last allowable prejudice in American speech, television and film, the mockery of people from Appalachia, or in the common vernacular, hillbillies and rednecks. (There are those that maintain this prejudice extends to the people of the Ozarks as well).

My husband is from Appalachia, and has maintained since I have known him that this is true.  That while we must not be insensitive to Native Americans, or African Americans, or Muslim Americans or Chinese Americans or any other Native or Immigrant group, it is totally permissible to make fun of rednecks and hillbillies.

The snide remarks and jokes about incest, and lack of dental hygiene, remarks about moonshine and hillbilly heroin (oxycontin) do seem to be pervasive and permissible.  And I have to wonder why.

And it is easy to wade into the rhetorical weeds on this subject.  As I was reading the article, I found myself thinking about myself and my origins.  I grew up in New Jersey, often referred to as the armpit of the United States.  The caricature of a Jersey Girl, a foul-mouthed, over made-up, gum chewing, wise-cracking airhead is as alive and well in 2016 as it was in the 1950's.  I worked hard to change my speech patterns so that it would be virtually impossible for people to geographically identify me.  I started to fill up with a righteous anger on behalf of everyone, because just about any identifiable demographic can be marginalized and mocked.

And then I had to stop myself.  My issues with growing up in New Jersey, and feeling mocked and made fun of should give me greater empathy for the people of Appalachia, not a need to compete for who is more denigrated.

And there was my lightbulb moment.  I'm just like everyone else.  When I hear someone share their pain, instead of listening, accepting, and validating, I want to point out that I have pain too.  And that is so not the right answer.

When any human is sharing their pain, the only answer is I'm sorry you are hurting.  I will do my best not to add to your pain.  Empathy is good, but trying to one-up, or say I'm hurting too, or I am disregarded too just adds insult to injury.

And it is not reasonable to expect a person in pain to hear anything but rejection unless all you offer is support.

This being a good human is hard, never-ending work.

We can all be marginalized.  We can all feel denigrated.  And we all have a right to have our voices heard and our feelings validated.  But we have to be sensitive to the person sharing their pain at any given moment.  That moment is theirs, not ours.

And as I wandered around in the rhetorical weeds, I thought about how much I love my adopted home of Louisiana.  And I thought of how we tell Boudreaux and Thibodaux jokes, and laugh at our speech idioms like "making groceries".  I thought of how we celebrate how different we are in Louisiana, and how difficult it is to laugh at anyone who is already laughing at themselves.

And I wondered how we came to be this way in Louisiana.  How it is that in the coastal part of the state, we really don't identify as "Southerners", but identify as New Orleanians, or Cajuns, or Creoles, or Coon-Asses.   Or as transplants that thrive in Delta soil and want to claim this culture as our own.

And I think about my post from yesterday, about my default emotions of laughter and compassion.  For whatever reason, those seem to be the predominant default emotions in coastal Louisiana.  Cajun cook Justin Wilson used to say that when God made Louisiana He must have been smiling.  I think He must have been, and that leads to the joie de vivre so prevalent in the local culture and behavior.

I wandered around a lot in this post.  Maybe I can tie it all back together.  We all stereotype, and we all have prejudices.  The reality is, when someone points out to you how a stereotype or prejudice hurts them, the best response is I'm sorry.  And a pledge to try your best to not add to the hurt.

And in the same way as anything can be mocked, anything can be celebrated.  I am so grateful to live in a place where we celebrate our unique culture all the time, and do so with exceedingly good humor.