Bridges

I've been trying to write my novel every day, but it has honestly been drudgery.  I was stuck looking for a bridge.

I'm not a trained author, so I don't know if that is the right term or not, but I'll explain what I mean here.

The novel I'm currently working on is what I would call a "relationship novel"; it explores the themes of relationships between people.  The central character does enter a love relationship in the novel, but the novel also explores her relationships with her parents, stepfather, and stepbrother and sister.  The novel also digs deeper into other central families in the series and their relationships with each other.

It is no secret that I believe that relationships are a central component of a happy life.  My world view holds that connection is essential to human beings, and that our relationships create our connections and build the platform from which we can have a fulfilling life.

Back to the problem I was having.  The current novel has many characters and story lines, and they all have to come together to create a novel.  The term I use for how I bring my stories together into a book is bridges.  As a bridge connects one section of land to another, my story bridges connect one section of my story to another.

I was missing a critical bridge to bring my stories together, and this week I found a character that will provide the bridge.

Since figuring out that connection, I am having a great time writing.  I can see how my story will evolve naturally to the conclusion.  I'm having lots of fun again.

And this naturally flowing creativity is spilling over into everything.  I have more energy.  I feel happier.  I feel more positive.

And it got me to thinking how often missing a bridge cripples me in other areas of my life.

There is no feeling for me that is worse than feeling separated from the people I love.  And I don't mean physically separated, I mean emotionally separated.

In the early stages of grief, for me, the worst feeling is the separation.  The inability to find the bridge to the being I have lost.  As time goes on, I have always found a bridge back to the being I miss.  Dreams, memories, shared memories and conversations, pictures, they all help me build a bridge to who I miss.

The time table for building the bridge is variable.  With my Dad, it took more than a year.  With my Mom in her state of dementia, I just keep missing her; as hard as I try to find a bridge, I can't find one yet.

But as long as there is a bridge missing, life, and my joy in life is compromised.

Sometimes harsh words and disagreements create a gap that needs to be bridged between me and those I love that are still here.  And those bridges can be as hard to find as the bridges to those we have lost from this plane of existence.

With the living, forgiveness is the first step in building a bridge, and forgiveness can be very hard to find.  I wrote something last night that I think is true.  Forgiveness is a balm for the wound of the wounded, it does little for the person who created the wound.  I truly believe that.  If you have hurt someone, their forgiveness or lack of forgiveness is less important than why you chose to hurt them in the first place.  If it was a lack of thought, if you don't commit to think more carefully about what hurts others, forgiveness won't help you.  If it was deliberate, if you don't commit to not do that hurtful thing again, forgiveness won't help you.

To build bridges in our relationships that will stand the test of time takes work from both sides of the divide.  When we choose words or behaviors that separate us from those we love, it is not enough to seek forgiveness.  We must seek to understand what motivated us to choose those words and behaviors, and commit to changing ourselves.

My stories are a reflection of me and what I think is important, and you will find in my stories people who value the relationships that they have, even when they make mistakes that cause rifts that have to be bridged.

Again, I'm hoping that seeing reconciliation in fiction will inspire people to seek reconciliation in their own lives.

Because I believe when we have bridged all the separations from our loved ones, we can experience real joy.