What's holding you back?

There are a lot of things that I think about doing, and that I want to do, that I never do.  And for most of those things, I know what is holding me back.

Sometimes, the sacrifice is not worth the benefit.  Sometimes the life disruption would be too much.  Sometimes what I want to do would make someone I love feel dismissed, or not enough, so it is just not worth it.  I have real anxiety disorder, so there are things my anxiety won't allow me to enjoy, and I don't want to medicate, so I don't do them.

 (I did take a small plane tour of the Grand Canyon.  Even though I was terrified.  I was paralyzed with fear the whole time, but it didn't matter because all I had to do was sit in my seat.  I actually have good memories of that tour, surprisingly enough.)

The point is, I own what I do.  If I don't do something, it is not because of my husband, or my child, or my dogs, or my work, or my finances.  It is because I decide that I don't want to do that thing badly enough to pay the opportunity cost.

Long-time followers know what I mean by opportunity cost.  For those who don't, here is a link to that post.  (Opportunity Cost)  Life is much easier when you decide to own your choices.

What is holding YOU back?  Or are you doing the things you want to do?  I'll be honest, for years, I blamed other people for what I wanted to do but didn't.  That led to massive amounts of resentment and anger, which manifested as bitchiness in my interactions with people.

I don't honestly know at what point I realized that what was holding me back was me.  I know it was after I learned to think in terms of opportunity cost.

Because, let's face it; unless you are in an abusive relationship where you are held captive, you can work towards having what you want.

You might have to save for years.  You will have to sacrifice, and make compromises.  You may die before you get to do what you want if it is really big and expensive.

But something else I have learned.

When you are actively working towards a dream, and you have a rich imaginary life where that dream is realized, life is pretty good.

And most of our lives are lived inside our heads anyway.

I just recently finished a novel where one of the characters in the novel realized that most of what she perceived as wrong with her life was created by her own internal narrative.

You can write your internal narrative where you are always unappreciated, and unloved, and unworthy.  Or you can train yourself to rewrite your internal narrative to be appreciative, and loving and self-affirming.

And that may be the first and most important step to not holding yourself back.

You have to believe that you deserve the life you want.  You have to learn to have a positive, uplifting internal narrative.

You have the power to write your own story as a story of triumph and goodness and happiness.

It is a learned skill.  Practice.  Write your story so that you believe in yourself, and see the good that you do.  Decide what you want, and create the plan to get what you want.

The plan is as important as the goal.   Life is a journey, not a destination.

True happiness lies in loving the trip.