Pushing the Limit

I had an experience yesterday that I want to share with you all.

My husband and I had gone out to eat dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.  I love the place, but they are not what you would call kid friendly.  The menu is upscale, and predominantly seafood. 

Now I know some kids love oysters and grilled fish and salmon tacos, but not most kids.

When we were eating our meal a party of five came in.  It was obviously grandparents, parents, and one little girl that looked to be somewhere in the six to eight year old range.  The little girl was crying.  Not loud obnoxious crying, but tears streaking down her face, and hiccups, and scrubbing her eyes with her fists to try to stop.

It broke my heart.  The mommy was very stern, and the daddy angry, and my heart hurt for the little girl.  She had that look that kids get when they have played hard all day and then get scrubbed to go out.  Her hair was wet, stylish, but wet.  I pictured a long day in the pool perhaps.

That poor baby was too tired for an out to dinner event at a place without a kid's menu.  She was doing her best, but appeared overwhelmed.

I'm not trying to parent shame or grandparent shame, but I wish we all did better at recognizing when our kids have had enough stimulation and need a quiet evening at home.

And that got me to thinking, it is not just kids that can be at the 'enough' point.

At one point in our marriage, my husband and I got into a pattern of going out to eat on Friday nights.  Everything was good for a while, but as our jobs got bigger and more demanding, the Friday night dinners inevitably ended in an argument.

We talked about it, and realized we were both out of energy, and patience, and understanding after a demanding work week.  We started staying home on Friday nights, and stopped arguing.

I remember when I was little, and my Dad would play with us kids.  My Mom would always say, "George, you are getting them too excited and someone is going to end up crying,"  and my Dad would laugh and keep playing, and then one of us would get too excited and end up crying.  And then there were hugs and kisses, and usually some time on Daddy's lap while he sang to you until you were happy again.  I wish that all parents could hug and sing their kids better when over stimulated.

Emotions are difficult things.  The more years of practice you have, the more likely it is you will have better emotional control, but it never gets easy.  And the more demands on your energy, the harder it is to control your emotions.

I wish that the world was more accepting of people simply saying, "I'm all tapped out, I can't go anymore." 

I wish we were all more comfortable saying, "I need some quiet time.  I have no more capacity for socialization".

I wish all children were held and comforted when they cry, and taught that it is okay to say , "I need some quiet time".

The only way we will ever live in a kinder, gentler world is if we all learn to be kinder and gentler with each other, starting with ourselves.