I had gotten really stuck in my writing. One of my characters, Pete, was behaving in a way I never imagined him behaving. I couldn't seem to make him behave any differently, and I couldn't figure out how to get him out of the mess he had gotten himself into.
For those of you who don't write, who don't have a cast of characters that inhabit your imagination, I may sound crazy. And maybe I am. But for me, my characters write my stories. They are as real to me as the people I see and interact with. And they are just as surprising at times.
I read a book in that window of time, where one of the principal characters in the book had appeared in two previous books. This character did things I would have never imagined her doing. By the end of the book, the character reconciled to herself, and she too couldn't believe the things she had done.
That book unlocked my block. It helped me realize that we all act "out of character" sometimes. Grief, worry, insecurity, anxiety, depression, there are many influences that make us behave differently than we usually do.
Once I had that realization, I could analyze deeper why Pete was behaving as he was, and figure out how Pete would react. Would he dig in and stay in the dark place, or would he seek help to find the light?
I figured out what Pete would do, and the words flowed again.
And that got me to thinking. If I can't make a fictional character that I created out of my own imagination do what I want instead of what the character wants, how can I ever think I can make a flesh and blood human do what I want them to do?
The most important word in that last question is "make". All kinds of people do what I want them to do every day. But it is because of a multitude of reasons. Maybe they do what they do because they want to, too. Maybe it is because they love me. Maybe it is because it is the path of least resistance. Maybe it is because they want to see me smile. It doesn't really matter what their motivation is, the important thing is that I understand that I can't "make" anyone do anything without causing damage to the relationship.
One of the mistakes most people (including me) make in relationships is trying to use force or manipulation to get others to do the things we want them to do. No one likes feeling an imbalance of power in a relationship. The best relationships are partnerships with give and take, with compromise and accommodation. Every time one person uses fear, or intimidation, or force or manipulation to get someone else to do their bidding, they diminish the sanctity of the relationship.
We all do this sometimes. There are times when it is deliberate, and times when it is inadvertent. I wish I would have understood this better when I was actively parenting. I know my daughter could have had a happier childhood if I had understood this. I wish I would have understood this better when I was forming relationships myself when I was younger. I could have avoided some painful lessons.
As I try to become an author, I realize more and more how complex we all are. The things that frighten me are not the same as the things that frighten someone else. We all find our joy in different places. We all suffer, but each suffering is unique. We all struggle at times. And sometimes what causes someone great pain wouldn't bother someone else at all.
What my writing is doing for me is helping me see the world through other viewpoints. My characters are not me. They don't do what I would do, they don't feel how I would feel, they don't think how I would think.
And that is helping me to realize that as well as I know anyone, I don't know them totally. So it is helping me to listen more objectively. My writing is making me more observant.
The other thing my writing is teaching me is how important communication is. One of the most often used devices in fiction is misunderstanding. Two characters experiencing the same thing and drawing different conclusions from what happened. In fiction, this is often the catalyst for the conflict in a story. In real life, it doesn't have to be.
I still believe with all my heart that one of the most important purposes of fiction is to teach us more about life. To help us get to know people who would perhaps frighten us in real life. To help us to get to know people who we would never encounter.
Fiction can open our eyes to all the worlds we do not see. And can provide a blueprint for how to navigate difficult situations we find ourselves in. Fiction can help us to see how we want to be as a person, and how we don't want to be as a person.
I don't know if I will ever be successful as a writer. But trying to learn to write is already helping me to be more successful as a person.
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