Shredding Memories

We are in house clean out mode again.  It seems like no matter how many papers you shred, trips you make to the donation center, and loads of garbage you take out, there is still more stuff that can go.

I made a new rule in my head today.  In order for anything to qualify as having sentimental value, I have to remember who gave it to me and when (approximately).  And then I thought about that new rule and realized that at some point in the future when cleaning out again, the sentimental value rule will only count if my daughter remembers who gave it to me and when.

Because for all of us, eventually, any stuff we have left is sorted through by those we leave behind.

As my husband was making another trip to the shredder, he quipped that he was shredding more memories.  And that stopped me in my tracks.

Are we really discarding memories?

I have to admit, I have found papers and pictures that I had completely forgotten about.  And they do provoke memories.

Is that what our stuff is for?  Is all the stuff representative of the moments in our lives we may not remember without them being provoked by a physical object?

How then do we keep enough to provoke the good memories without eventually drowning under the stuff we have collected?

I added another rule.  Cards, letters and anything signed by someone important to you can be kept.  I found a thank you card from my daughter's best friend in eighth grade, thanking us for taking her to Disney World with us.  I forgot about that card.  It warmed my heart to read it, and I put it with my special papers.

This exercise has me thinking about all the people who have lost everything through fire or flood or earthquake or war.  I don't think I have ever been as profoundly aware of how big a loss that is as I am going through papers and files I haven't touched in fifteen years.

There is no magic answer to how much stuff is enough, and how much stuff is too much.  There is no universal rule about what you should keep, and what you should throw away.

I have heard many times that you don't own your stuff, your stuff owns you.  And yes, I have to find a place for everything I keep, and I have to keep the things I keep in some semblance of order.  So there is a symbiosis with your stuff.

And there I am again.  Balance.  In everything, the question always seems to be how much is enough and how much is too much?  I've learned the answer to that question changes with time and circumstance.  There are things that I threw away, gave away or shredded this weekend that I would have hung on to ten years ago.  I imagine the same will happen ten years from now.

The only thing that has room for all of our memories is our mind and our hearts.  And when we connect with the other minds and hearts that share those memories, they get strengthened and reinforced.

What I learned this weekend cleaning out, is to tell our stories over and over again.  To ask our loved ones, do you remember when....?  To laugh every chance you get about the fun times you've shared.  And to cry again when appropriate about the bad times.

Some experiences are better in memory than they are in reality, and some are worse.  But all memories are better shared.

Talk about the past.  Reminisce.  Do it by yourself and with others.  Share your old stories with new friends so that they can get to know you better.

The more times you tell a story or talk about or remember an event, the more pathways your brain has to those memories.

Try to make the pathways so strong you never lose the important memories, even after your stuff has all gone away.