When I started the series, I promised to end it with a post on conflict outside the workplace. In some ways, it is much harder to manage conflict in your "real" life and in some ways it is easier. The hard part is you can't point to a corporate mandate or a workplace expectation. But you can set expectations in all of your relationships.
If we go back to the original post, On Conflict, First in a Series, that post talks about most conflict arising when two people "believe" different things. Beliefs are personal, and usually there are no clear cut answers. If you want to avoid conflict in your life, the first step is suspending judgement, and allowing others to believe whatever they want. This is where expectation setting comes in.
It is perfectly OK to tell the people in your life that while you know you will disagree on different subjects, it is not OK to be mean or derogatory simply because our beliefs differ.
Most of us have two types of people in our lives. The people we chose, and the people we are related to. I have some relatives (I think everyone does) who have very strong beliefs that conflict with my belief system. But they are family and I don't want to give them up. So I do a lot of conflict deflection with those people. I'll be honest, I probably limit my exposure to them a little bit too.
Some of the friends I've chosen because we share interests aren't aligned on all beliefs. With these friends, I try to stick to the common ground. Luckily, I have many friends that are perfect for me. We align on important stuff, and naturally avoid the topics we learned make us uncomfortable.
If you can suspend judgement, and let everyone believe whatever they want to as long as they don't expect you to agree, and let go of having to be "right", a lot of conflict can be avoided.
If a person brings too much conflict and emotional pain in your life, you have to question why you keep them. If they are related to you, the love may exceed the pain, or the duty may exceed the pain. Never feel bad about yourself if you emotionally armor up so that the conflict doesn't hurt you anymore. You wouldn't need the armor if no one was lobbing hurt your way.
A simple "I love you and I am never going to agree with you on this subject so let's not discuss it" is always a good statement. You take responsibility for your beliefs, no judgement or criticism, just stating a personal fact.
After a conflict - because as much as we try to avoid them they happen anyway - a heartfelt apology is always a good start. "I'm sorry we argued. I will try harder to not be judgmental, and to listen to your beliefs without trying to change your mind. I love you, and you are too important to me to create this kind of pain in our relationship." Even if in your heart you feel like you were "right", is that important enough to you to sacrifice a relationship?
Because at the end of the day - conflict resolution is about maintaining relationships. If the relationship is beneficial to you, and you want to maintain it, finding ways to avoid and manage conflict are necessary.
We're all different - conflict is inevitable. What is not inevitable is that we let conflict destroy our relationships.
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