Things that go together in my mind

I have a feeling that this post is going to feel rambling to the reader, and for that I apologize.  It all feels very connected in my mind, and I hope I can help you see the connections I see by the end.

There was a great article / opinion piece in the Huffington Post this week titled "I Don't Know How To Explain To You That You Should Care About Other People".  The piece really struck a chord with me, but I didn't share it on Facebook because of the exact people the piece talks about.

I try to stay pretty benign on Facebook, because I don't believe social media is the appropriate platform for serious conversation or debate.  I am very old school in that I believe critical conversations on contentious subjects should be face-to-face, in the same room so that all of the nuances of communication can be used and observed.

But, every once in a while, I post something that touches me, and that I think is so benignly universal that no one will interject an opposing view point.  I'm usually wrong.  I posted one of those things on Facebook recently, that asked people to refrain from poor shaming.  It didn't go well.

There are people on this planet that have an opinion on everything, and have to share it.  They also have to have the last word, and they have to act as if they are listening to everyone, and no one else is.   They tend to use words in a way that is passively critical.  When you take the words out of context, they seem harmless, but when you read them in context, they are condemning.

So I would say to the author of the piece in the Huffington Post, you can't explain it to them because they already believe they care about other people.  They also believe that government is not the entity to demonstrate that caring (although I have yet to meet someone who has a better answer that can work than a government safety net).

I was basically scolded on Facebook for not considering someone else's perspective (because I fail to put aside emotion, I might add) after saying this:

 Facebook is not a platform for debate. Me and (named removed) come from the same place. I understand every system is subject to abuse, and will be taken advantage of by some. I still will choose love and compassion over judgment. I will help when and where I can. And I will always refrain from poor shaming. There but for the grace of God go I. For me, if I am not making the world better with my words or actions, I think about whether or not they are necessary. Poor shaming and judging people I don't know are never necessary, so I don't do it and think it is harmful to society. You won't change my mind, but if you want to discuss, set up a phone call.

The person did not set up a phone call.  I guess they don't want to have a conversation and defend why poor shaming is a good thing.   They did want to tell me that I would be more well rounded if I listened to their opinion.  The failure in communication here is that just because I listen to you, and understand where you come from and why you feel that way, I still don't agree.  And, I feel strongly that when I say on my Facebook wall that Facebook is not a platform for debate, if you are a respectful person, you don't shore up your argument, you either stop your commentary, or apologize for starting one in the first place.

Here is the talking point.  I think the person who did the scolding is as complex as the rest of us humans.  This person extends charity to people.  I would hazard a guess that if they did a self-evaluation, they would see themselves as compassionate, understanding and good.  Maybe they are.

But they are also angry and resentful that some people take advantage of programs that are designed to help the needy.  And they end up voting for people who say they are going to stop the abuse, and the people they voted for end up hurting everyone, and the abusers simply find a new con to run.

If I try to explain to them that they are not compassionate, they go off on a tangent about system abusers, and government waste, and crooked politicians.  All those things exist.  But for me, they do not negate the good that a government safety net provides.

If I had one gift that I could give to everyone, it would be the ability to really see if their own words and actions are making their own lives better or worse.

So many angry, resentful people are that way because they choose to focus on the bad things.  The people that take advantage, the crime, the injustice.

If you are not actively fighting for change to the bad things you are focusing on, you are just wasting your life on things that make you feel worse instead of better.

There is always a wrong to be righted.  Pick the one you are most passionate about.  Dedicate time and energy to fixing it.  Let the noise of all the other wrongs to be righted be silenced, so as to not dilute the energy you need to fix the things you can.

And never, ever forget the words of Emily Dickinson:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain. 

Resentment destroys, compassion builds.  Let's build a better world together.