Judgy McJudgerson

Thanks to my daughter for the title of this post.  I don't know if she coined this phrase, but she certainly introduced me to it.

Judgy McJudgerson.  We all know one, we all are one on occasion.  Judgy McJudgerson is that person who can't help themselves, they have to decide they know something about someone they don't know and judge them for it.

Why are we all Judgy McJudgerson at one moment or another?  What does judging other people do for us that we can't seem to help ourselves from indulging in the behavior?

Let's face it.  We all do stupid, thoughtless stuff.  We have all stopped short for no reason without thinking if someone is directly behind us.  We all have left an empty tissue box, or paper towel roller, or (God forbid) an empty toilet paper roller.  We have all finished the cereal, or the milk, or the cheese, or the bread, or the leftovers; without asking everyone impacted if they need that last little bit.  Or we have left a crumb or a drop to say we didn't finish something.  (That last one is kind of a deliberate jerky thing to do, but I doubt any child from a multi-child household didn't do that at least once.)

For those of us who drive, most of us have forgotten to turn our blinker on or off, changed lanes and cut someone off because we didn't see them in our blind spot, not realized that our lane was going to be a turn only lane and tried to get over at the last minute, or been driving too slow or too fast for the comfort of other drivers on the road.

Most of us have also been rude or unkind at one time or another.  We may have behaved that way because we were distracted, or tired, or ill, or in pain, or maybe our normal didn't see our behavior as rude or unkind but the normal of the recipient of our actions did see our behavior as rude or unkind.

My point is, humans make mistakes.  Yes, some humans participate in behavior with a cavalier disregard for others (humans, animals and the planet).  Yes, some humans actively try to hurt others.  Yes, some humans love to take advantage of others.

Judging won't change those people.  Judging just makes Judgy McJudgerson hard to hang around with, and it makes life harder for Judgy McJudgerson.

It is really hard to know someone well enough to know their motivation without asking them and having them tell you.  Sometimes, spouses or best friends or parents or children or siblings might have a clue about your motivation.  But since we are all capricious (even those of us who think we are steady) that motivation changes with our mood and our overall health and the burdens life has placed upon us at any particular moment in time.

Choosing to be Judgy McJudgerson cultivates resentment, and anger, and despair and all kinds of negative emotions.  Since mostly we can't know why someone took actions that are hurtful or greedy or dangerous, the best thing to do is make a note to self not to be that person, and if the person exhibits that pattern of harmful actions, to limit our exposure to that person.

The choice can be made to be Lovey McLoverson.  When you see something that would normally make you judge, you can wish for the universe to heal what ails that person, or for the universe to open that person's eyes to the harm that they do.  You still won't change them. But you can change you.

When you choose to be Lovey McLoverson, you will cultivate compassion, and acceptance and kindness and all kinds of positive emotions.  The more you choose positive emotions, the more the patterns in your brain will gravitate towards positive emotions.  The more positive emotions you generate, the happier you will be.

I know some people simply won't get how being Lovey McLoverson would be a good thing.  They have been Judgy McJudgerson for so long, and it is so comfortable.  Many Judgy McJudgerson's travel in packs where they have all exalted themselves into a cult of "Better than them".  They see Lovey McLoversons as gullible and naive and exploited.

We all live in the world we notice and cultivate.  Lovey McLoverson's live in a forgiving, nurturing world, where we get forgiveness when we make a mistake because we give forgiveness for other's mistakes.  We know some people don't want, need or deserve forgiveness, but we understand forgiveness is a balm for the wound of the injured, not a weapon to punish those who inflict pain.

Judgy McJudgerson or Lovey McLoverson?  We're all both sometimes, and somewhere on the continuum between the two most of the time.  But I honestly believe the more I practice being Lovey McLoverson, the happier I will be.