I had the worst cold sore/fever blister outbreak I can ever remember having last week, and it is still ongoing. Cold sores are caused by the herpes simplex 1 virus, and most humans have the virus present in their bodies, although not all humans get cold sores.
In my experience, stress is the most common trigger for an outbreak for me, followed by sun exposure without protection.
Cold sores are ugly. They start as a tingling or itching sensation, and then small fluid filled blisters form. The blisters almost inevitably break, and then the open sores crust over and bleed. I always feel like my face looks gross when I have a cold sore outbreak.
This one was so bad that my entire lower lip was like an open wound. It hurt like hell, and looked worse.
I hate to leave my house when I have a cold sore outbreak. When I was working, I had to. And my regular co-workers knew that I was subject to cold sore outbreaks, and were sympathetic. This past week I noticed my younger friends just asked what was wrong with my lip, and my older friends just tried to not look at me. My teacher friends were the ones who acted most normally. And I appreciated the hell out of them for that.
I feel like the general public is not sympathetic, or understanding, and wants to stay away from you because you look gross and contagious.
And cold sores are contagious. I have been scrupulous my adult life when I have an outbreak, washing my hands constantly, and being very aware of not contaminating anyone. I throw away my toothbrush when there are no more open sores, and throw away all lip balms and lipsticks that may have been contaminated. But I still feel like people recoil when they see me in public.
And that got me to thinking about how difficult it must be to live with a disfiguring condition. I also suffer from psoriasis outbreaks, but they have always been on my scalp or my arms, and I was always able to cover the scaly patches. There is a commercial on television in the United States right now where people talk about the embarrassment of psoriasis, and this past week I truly appreciate their pain.
There are so many people who have to present a different than usual appearance to the world. Some because of missing limbs, some because of malformed limbs, some with facial deformities from birth, some with scars from accidents or surgery or war.
It is really important to see the person inside the body. Bodies can be damaged or altered in any number of ways that do not take away the beautiful soul within. When we focus on the external shell, and when we recoil or back away because that external presentation does not meet some cultural definition of beauty or health, we can do great damage to the soul within.
I tried to go about my business with this grossness on my lips as if it weren't there. But it is. And people react. And I react to their reaction. And my heart hurts a little bit. And I want to hide.
But I go back out, because this is temporary, and I'm tough enough to handle the recoil and the disgusted faces. (And maybe all of this reaction is in my mind and not the world.) Because there are so many people who have to be brave enough to face the world every day from a body that doesn't look or perform like what we have termed normal.
And if I'm not brave enough to face up and out through this little temporary challenge of mine, how can I support them with the long-term challenges they face?
I keep learning. And the important lesson I learned this week is to never forget to really see people. Not their bodies, their clothes, their hair, their car, their house; but them.
See their love and compassion. See their fear and their pain. See their humanity. The vessel is not important. The sacred soul within is what is important.
And when we try to see each other as beautiful souls just trying to get by, things can't help but get better for all of us.
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