One of the invisible, unprovable things I believe in is karma. I truly believe that the good that you do has real value, and that it brings you good, and the bad that you do does real harm and brings you bad.
This morning, as I was washing dishes and folding laundry and putting more laundry in the washer and dryer, I thought about how I'm stuck in a place I really don't like.
Those of you who follow my blog know that I haven't been writing much lately, and that my posts have been steadily tapering off since the Autumn of 2016. I've talked about the problem before. I just don't feel inspired, and have a hard time finding something inspiring to say. And I don't want to use this blog to just complain about the things I don't like.
Because the Super Bowl is coming up on February 4, I was thinking about what we are planning to do for Super Bowl Sunday, and right now it is basically nothing. And then I started thinking about the year the Saints were in the Super Bowl and won. It was so good. So amazing. But right after the Super Bowl I got really sick. The sickest I have been since high school. I had to drop out of a marathon. The next couple of years were kind of a downward spiral. My mom had a stroke and we had to put her in a nursing home. My plantar fasciitis got so bad I limped all the time. I started gaining serious weight. I had been given a great assignment at work, but then they posted my job at a higher grade than I had been compensated at. I felt like the universe was taking a huge dump on me. Did I use up all my good karma trying to get the Saints to win the Super Bowl?
In 2012, I signed up for a lifestyle change program called Weight No More. I helped clean out my mom's house, helped my sister find a place to live, and released the first products of the work project. Life took a decided upswing. I must have refilled my karma balance with the good works I had done. Life stayed on a somewhat upward trajectory until 2015, when I had a stroke. That was more of a bump in the road, though, I recovered well, and kept moving in a mostly positive direction.
2016 was a tough year. My mother-in-law died, and my son-in-law's father died. The United States appeared to be heading in a very bad direction, and the Chicago Cubs made it to the World Series. I wanted the Cubs to win as much as I wanted the Saints to win. And they did. And since then, it feels like nothing has gone well.
I expected to finish my novel last spring. Still working on it. Our pool ruptured, it is repaired, but the scar reminds us. I fell and broke my wrist. I picked up some weight, so I am heavier than I want to be, and I can't seem to find the will to do anything about it other than be miserable. The situation in the United States continues to deteriorate, with school shootings becoming commonplace, with 11 school shootings in the first 23 days of 2018. The acrimony and hatefulness in our national dialogue knows no boundaries. We seem to have become a nation of blame, and anger and division. I don't see anyone in a leadership position trying to bring us back together and move us forward in a positive direction. I'm afraid I used up all my good karma getting the Cubs a World Series Championship.
The problem is that I don't know how to rebuild my karma reserves. I do nice things for people. I try to be kind, and understanding and generous, but I'm not getting anywhere. This blog should be a way I try to lift people up, and I'm trying to get back to that. I have to finish my novel, and maybe that will start making deposits in my karma bank.
So what do you think? Can our good karma run out? How do you build up your karma balance? I'm determined to get out of the bad place I am in, and if I figure out a magic formula, I'll be sure to let you know. Until then, I'll be busy trying to rebuild my karma balance. I need for good things to happen.
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