I was at my Occupational Therapy session the other day, and the woman next to me receiving therapy said that she wasn't going to "do" Christmas this year. She felt that with running her business, providing care taking for her mother, and rehabilitating an injury, it was just too much. I felt very sad for her.
It is not that I think everyone needs the excess that many feel is necessary for the holiday season. It just made me sad that for her, Christmas is something that you do.
I hear a lot of dialogue about a war on Christmas, and to be honest, I've never seen one. But I have seen twenty-first century America turn the time period from mid-November until New Year's into one giant impossible to complete "to-do" list.
This will probably feel rambling, but if you stay with me, I promise I will bring it all together in the end.
When my daughter was ten or eleven, we were going somewhere at night, and we had to drive past the large Monsanto chemical plant near our home. As we drove past she looked at the well lit plant and said, "Look, Mommy, Monsanto decorated for Christmas". I looked at the plant through her eyes at that moment, and it did look festive, and decorative. I knew that the lighting of the plant for 24/7 operations was normal, but for her, seeing it for the first time at Christmas, it was magical. Whatever holiday your faith or ethnic or chosen tradition celebrates, they all have an element of magic in them.
Things were hectic enough when my child was a child, with presents to buy, and cookies to bake, and Christmas pageants to attend, and houses and trees to decorate. Now we also have this "Elf on the Shelf" thing. If it works for you, and is not just another stress maker in your life, have at it. But the whole idea kind of bothers me. Do we really want our children to be good because someone is watching and reporting? Isn't it our job as parents to teach our children the intrinsic rewards for being good people? That it feels good to be kind? It feels good to be generous? That we all make mistakes, and that we need to learn from our mistakes so we can be better people, not because there will be a punishment?
If you have a faith or ethnic or chosen tradition, what is at the core of that tradition? I'm Catholic, so the core of my faith tradition is the birth of the Savior, Jesus Christ. The season is about hope. It is about the improbable. The birth of a poor child in a manger led to the salvation of mankind. What an inspirational story. If your tradition has inspirational aspects, focusing on those can quiet the noise of the "doing" everyone expects.
And as for the actual days. It can be so easy to have to have the most perfectly decorated house and most perfectly set table, with an array of delicious foods. If getting to that point means that you can't spend time enjoying the company of those you love because you are too busy preparing and serving, maybe scaling things back could work. I remember years ago talking to a co-worker who was stressing about all that she had to do for Christmas Eve, and she asked what I was doing. I told her the truth. On the way home from work, I was stopping at the store and picking up an assortment of sushi and sparkling wines, along with one of those dessert sampler trays. Set things out and celebrate. She was astonished. And started the same tradition for her family the next year. You never know how much time you have with the people you love, treasure the moments you have.
So here is my Season's Greeting for all of you. I hope that you remember the magic, and can see the magic. I hope that you are inspiring all you love through your thoughtful goodness, and that you are forgiving yourself when you fall short, and learning so that you do better next time. I hope you are inspired by the spiritual aspects of your chosen holiday, and are spiritually restored by the observation of exceptional generosity and charity in your world. And finally, I hope you are able to hold those you love close in your heart, if not in your arms, and find the ability to focus on making memories with them or celebrating memories of them. Most of all, I hope you remember that the holiday season can always be turned into a giant "to-do" list, but you can turn it back into a time of joyful celebration with the people you care the most about.
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