I don't have a problem with people posting strong opinions on their own timeline. Everyone has a right to like or not like what they like or don't like. If a person posts a news story from what I consider an illegitimate source, I just scroll on by.
But it seems like many people find that impossible to do.
If someone has an opinion that you don't agree with, no matter how wrong-headed you think they are, you don't have to start a Facebook argument.
If the person is that important to you that you want to try to help them see that what they posted could be harmful or hurtful to someone you both care about, give them a phone call. Or meet them for coffee. Or invite them over to your house. Or even start a private conversation on Messenger. And then hash it out.
Because disagreements are difficult enough to navigate in person while preserving feelings and dignity. It is just about impossible to disagree on a public platform in front of countless people without damaging someone's feelings or dignity.
And this is where I land with the whole Facebook argument thing. If they are important enough to you to want to preserve their feelings and dignity; don't have a Facebook argument. If they are not important enough to you to want to preserve their feelings and dignity; don't engage with them.
Now I totally understand that sometimes when you post something on your own timeline and someone attacks you for it, you want to tell them why their attack is unwarranted. I understand why anyone would do that. If they come back a second time? Either delete their comment, or walk away.
My observation is that emotional escalation on Facebook happens at about ten times the speed it does in conversation. I can't think of a time that I observed a Facebook argument where someone didn't get inappropriately mean and derisive.
There is something suspect for me about anyone who has to comment negatively on other people's posts. We all have the right to be an idiot in public any time we want to. If you believe the person has made them self look bad in error, private message them. Publicly questioning someone's right to their opinion is not a good opening salvo.
If you know someone who asks questions on Facebook looking for answers, be careful before jumping into that pool. Sometimes people use what seem to be innocuous questions to prove their point to someone that they want to score points off of.
I try to keep my Facebook posts to inane things. My dogs, crochet projects, family photos, food, new furniture, projects around the house or stories from my life. The stuff of everyday that it is fun to share with family and friends.
Occasionally I share a news story, or a political position. It always makes me nervous when I do that because I wait for someone to pounce.
I'm lucky that usually they don't pounce on me.
But I see them pounce on my friends. And I just don't get it.
If I were queen of the universe, I would make a new rule on Facebook. There would be a way to categorize your posts. Dissenting opinions allowed - yes or no. If you said no, all comments would have to be approved before they showed up on your timeline.
And no, that is not because I want to live in an echo chamber where I only hear and read things that agree with my point of view and opinions.
It is because in a civil society, you just don't go disagreeing publicly with everyone every time you think differently. In a civil society, you listen, you think about it, and if you disagree; you do so politely where there is opportunity for discussion and a way to find compromise and common ground.
And if the person is so far away from where you are ideologically, you are never going to change them anyway.
So post all you want on your own timeline. But remember, there is probably exactly no one who laid awake last night wondering if you approved or or agreed with everything they thought or felt.
So there really is no need to comment negatively on their posts. If they matter enough, find a way to talk to them or text with them privately. If they don't matter enough - let it go.
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