The clothes dryer just sang to me to inform me that it had stopped. The clothes were not dry, so I reset the dryer for more time. As it started, the noise started again. There are bad bearings on the dryer drum, so it makes a squeaky noise.
I walked past my husbands computer, as he is doing whatever it is he is doing, and his computer has this high pitched whine. But you stop hearing it after a while.
Most of the noisy machines in my house only make a noise to alert me that there is something I must do, like get the food out of the microwave or oven, or get the dishes out of the dishwasher, or move the clothes from the washer to the dryer, or fold the clothes in the dryer.
But for the last few months, I have these two noisy machines keeping a symphony playing in the background of my days.
Mostly I've stopped noticing the noisy machines, but last night my daughter was visiting and asked about the dryer noise, so I'm hearing it again. And once I started hearing the dryer noise again, the computer noise intruded.
And it made me think about how nothing and everything is normal. I know that the dryer shouldn't make that noise, and my husband purchased the repair parts to fix it, but it hasn't been done yet. I know the computer shouldn't make that noise. I have no idea why it is making it, but not my computer, not mine to troubleshoot or fix. Because the noises have been with me for so long, I had stopped hearing them until they were pointed out to me.
We all get used to things the way they are. It often takes someone else to point something out to us as unusual if it is part of our everyday landscape. And just like the squeaks and whines of equipment and machinery can become part of our normal, so too can the sounds of meanness, and prejudice, and hate. And that is just plain scary.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how far acceptable behavior standards have fallen. My husband and I were in a casino two weeks ago today, and there were a couple of young men in the same area as we were. They were dropping curses, including the "f" bomb, loudly and frequently. My husband and I moved to another area to get away from them. But then we discussed how not too many years ago, they would have been asked to leave by security.
When we stop hearing offensive speech as offensive, our normal has shifted to include that type of speech as normal.
And it makes me sad. Because I don't want to live in a society where loud profanity is normal. I accept that many people lose their composure and use profane language. I forgive everyone that has done that in my presence. But these guys hadn't lost their composure. They just seemed to have a vocabulary limited to profanity and articles.
I see social media posts full of profanity. Why? There are so many words in the English language to choose from. Better words. More descriptive words. Why fall into the lazy trap of profanity?
I try to refrain from cursing and profanity, and I fail at times. Stubbing my toe in the middle of the night is almost guaranteed to elicit profane language from me. I wish I could do better.
But when awake and alert, I should try harder to speak in such a way that I do not make any listener uncomfortable. And that goes beyond the words I use to the things I talk about.
There is plenty to talk about in public, when you can be overheard, that is not going to make anyone feel uncomfortable. That is another decline in behavior I have observed. So many people loudly and proudly discuss things in public that used to be expected to be discussed in private.
I was raised that polite conversation did not include religion, politics or sex, and it seems like I can't go to the grocery store, or a restaurant, or to a casino, or to a museum, or to a park, or to a sporting event, or to an airport without hearing a conversation on one of those topics.
Doesn't anybody read books anymore? Or watch TV? Or go to the theater? Or listen to music? Or have hobbies?
I want to live in a world where out of respect for one another, in public we discuss benign, uniting topics, and we save divisive topics for private conversations with people we are in good relationships with. Because good relationships can stand the tension of disagreement as long as it is respectful disagreement.
I wonder how many people have left a public place, or gone home and cried because of what they have overheard. That is not the normal I want. I don't think that is a healthy normal for society.
So please, when in public, think before you speak. When on social media, think before you post. (Actually, I recommend always thinking before you speak, but in the privacy of your home, or a friend's home, there is more latitude for the subject matter.) Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary? Is the topic I'm discussing likely to cause anxiety or pain to someone listening? If my mother overheard, would I be embarrassed? If my boss overheard, would I be embarrassed? If my child overheard, would I be embarrassed? If this conversation was recorded and played back in front of my church congregation, would I be embarrassed?
If most people adopted a normal that kept public places free from hurtful, hateful, exclusionary and profane speech, that would be our society's normal. And I think that would be a very good thing.
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